Falling without gravity
by bebe2580
Summary: Incredibly angsty, you'll hate me first and hopefully love me afterwards. I basically don't know how to summarize, so better read. Spoilers for S6 up to 6x03, so if you haven't seen, beware and enter of your own free will. M for language and smuttfluff
1. Realizations

**First of all, I own nothing. I have said it, but it bears repeating: if I did, whew! **

**Bones and characters belong to Fox, Hart Hand and Stephen Nathan.**

**(though, which reasonable female wouldn't want to own DB? Sighs…)**

**Anyway, I rated this M because I wanted to be a bit freer… I'm a bit shy at writing the sex/smut thingy, but I don't want to hold myself back from writing how I like to, therefore, it is an M.**

**It's incredibly angsty, and will be for at least 8 chappies until things get a bit better… Bear with me…**

**Lots of spoilers for S6, episodes 6x01, 6x02 and 6x03, which is the starting point from the events, so 6x04 never happened. (If Hart doesn't fix this, at least here I will, but I know the way to lead us there… painful)**

**Anyway, here it goes… **

She hadn´t understood the true meaning of having your heart crushed until the picture she had hoped she would never see materialized before her eyes.

One moment they were chatting amiably, trying to find their normal selves, or at least trying to, immersing in what they knew: the comfort their work brought them, knowing that no matter if romantically there was an ocean between them, their partnership still remained strong, even if that hidden current that had made them the best was nowhere to be found now, when she saw his eyes lit like a child at Christmas, literally the rug was swept under her feet. His eyes had a light to them she had only seen aimed at her and Parker, and when he stood, she didn't understand what was happening until she turned her head, only to see him engaged in a loving, tender lip lock with the woman he had shown her on his cell phone.

He looked astonished, but clearly elated Hannah was home, with him. It was like something had snapped the moment he set eyes on her. Seeing how he cupped her face in his hands, his thumb brushing her cheek, leaning over the table to kiss her deeply and passionately, not even minding they were in the middle of the Diner, she felt an ache in the middle of her chest that actually made her turn white, but she hid it masterfully, and acted like nothing was wrong, pretending she was her usual, oblivious self, seemingly enjoying that he was happy and that the woman he now loved was here to keep him company.

They had solved the case, and scientifically speaking, it hadn't been all that difficult, but it was the questioning glances on everyone's faces that was making it hard on her to keep the charade. She had even laughed at their comments, dismissing their obvious concern for her, trying to make them see Hannah´s presence wasn´t changing a single thing when she knew it was a complete lie. She could see the sympathy and pity in Angela's face, who clearly didn't buy the lies she was trying to sell, but she wouldn't show them the depth of her despair. No one would know.

They had been talking about love, sharing their usual after-case drinks, and for a split second, she felt like they were no longer discussing the case, but themselves, and how the center, though apparently fine, was completely destroyed. When he told her love was putting someone else's needs before your own, she perfectly understood what he was saying, even if she tried to act nonchalant and cool, resorting to the "techno speech" that had never failed her in disguising how she truly felt. She dismissed his notions about love as usual, telling him that it would be foolish to risk your life that way, and even more if one of the people in a couple fell out of love, thinking inwardly of their own situation, and she wouldn't be swayed by something as ephemeral as a rush of chemicals when considering her lifetime's happiness, and there was something akin to disappointment in his eyes, which vanished completely the moment Hannah entered. She felt it, how the energy changed between them, how the atmosphere went from being dark and gloomy to feeling like the Sun had just entered through a window from the way his eyes were shinning in pleasure at the sight of Hannah, telling her how much he loved her dress, and kissing her in front of her. She could understand the innuendo behind their words, her gut twisting at the implications of their time together, but kept smiling, like the perfect partner and friend she ought to be, and when Hannah asked her for a girl's night out, she ordered every single facial muscle to appear pleased at the suggestion when she felt like running away again. It was true. Love made you put those you loved before you, and if Hannah could make him smile like that, in ways she had missed since the earlier times of their partnership, since the cards had been set on the table, and they had both lost their bets, when they hadn't faced so much death and pain, she would support him, even if she felt like dying in the process.

The moment they stepped outside, she kept her façade, a smile plastered on her face as she let some seconds pass, careful because he might return for any reason, to tell her something, and she would never let him see what this new him was doing to her. Only then, after some seconds pass, she let the mask slip, and felt her eyes watering, but ordered them not to shed a tear, knowing she would break down completely if she allowed herself the pleasure of indulging in her pain. She took a long sip of her drink, her throat burning with the unshed tears and the sting of the alcohol, but didn't let herself crumble. She knew she was punishing herself for what she had done to him. She was punishing herself for being so foolish, for feeling like his happiness was a betrayal to her, to what they had been together, to what they could have had, by not indulging in the tears that were burning behind her eyelids.

Days went and went, and after the "guido's case", as she had called it, she had been faced with more and more heartbreak. They had been walking through the beach when his cell phone had sounded, and even if she couldn't hear the other side, his was more than enough. It was like her heart was already broken and he was standing over the pieces, crushing them even further. She had tried to make him realize how lightly he apparently had taken the subject of Hannah moving in, but he had just said that they had already talked about it.

She hid behind her usual awkward, and part of her knew she had even been silly at the way she had acted, but at the end, all it mattered was that they had solved their case.

More heartbreak when Hannah had gone into her office, asking her to give her ideas on a housewarming gift for him. She didn't even think of what she was doing, her mouth rushing away of her, telling Hannah exactly what she could do to make him happy. Hannah had seemed truly elated, and pleased at the information. Hannah had told her she was certain about her moving in with him, that her reason to return from Afghanistan was him. She had congratulated her, and advised her on the vintage rotary phone. They had laughed, and she tried to act like a dutiful friend. She had heard the questioning behind Hannah's word, that she knew him too well, and she had dismissed the notion, saying that getting to know him so deeply had been out of necessity. Just about as she was about to exit her office, she had been unable to warn her not to hurt him, to make her see how deeply she would hurt him if she wasn't as invested in the relationship as he was. Of course, Hannah _was truly and absolutely _invested in the relationship, and she had even thanked her for being such a good friend to him.

The girls' night out had turned out to be funny, they had shared gossip, and they had laughed, talking about Hannah and how she was truly a nomad, until she met him. After his arrival, and the happiness they shared as they talked about Angela´s pregnancy, they were deserted, and she was faced with the heartbreak of seeing how all the credit of his elation went to Hannah. His face had lit up in such a childlike wonder, her heart ached, because that smile was no longer for her, the same as his kisses, which truly had never been hers, but it had stung so deeply to see his passionate, tender, grateful kiss, which should have been for her, she had seen no other option but to run. She could see the sexual anticipation, the longing, and she knew she was definitely a third, or fifth wheel, whatever people called it. So she had, yet again, put on her mask, and bid her goodbyes. They had asked her to stay, but even she could see how halfhearted their request was, coming out of politeness, and she had swallowed her pride and sadness, put on her brave face, and exited his place like she hadn't just had her chest ripped open.

She walked back to the Jeffersonian, still unwilling to go home and face the loneliness she knew was forever present in the cold walls. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling, until she almost drew blood. As long Hannah had remained far away, in a deep corner of her mind she could pretend that nothing was wrong, that they could regain the closeness they had once shared, be back to who they once were, but as she recalled the image now burned into her mind, she knew she had finally lost him.

And why not? Hannah seemed perfect. Funny, loving, not awkward. She was welcoming, and even amiable towards her, paying her the respect she felt she needed as she was her boyfriend's partner. Why shouldn't he move on? Why shouldn't he fight for his 30, 40 or 50 years?

Because it was killing her watching him do so.

She missed him. Even with the added pain, before their trips, and their lame attempts at dating other people, their bond was there, unbreakable, hurting them, yes, but still there. But now all she could find was the void in her chest, knowing she would never be whole again.

She didn't even remember the walk to the lab, but when she tiredly slumped against her chair, and closed her eyes, she wished she could go away. But she had promised. They all had dropped everything to help Cam, and deep inside, because they all missed who they were together. She could understand Cam's rightful anger at her decision, and she was aware that it stemmed from the concern she had never disguised, even as their boss, for their happiness, knowing they all depended on the dynamics the duo had established, and how the pathologist blamed her for breaking them. Well, now they would have to do with what they had now.

It was only Angela's voice that interrupted her musings, "Penny for your thoughts, sweetie", said the artist, and she tiredly opened her eyes, not even raising her head. She couldn't pretend anymore, and she had vowed to herself that she would show her feelings, that she wouldn't hide. For all the good it did her, because her heart was broken, crushed, and she knew the feeling wouldn't go away, "How did it end last night, with Booth", Angela said, sitting in the chair in front of the desk.

Temperance saw her, and smiled. She looked beautiful, she had a new glow around her, and even if her brain wanted to realize it, explaining it with the new hormones coursing through her body, she just knew it was the happiness of a new life growing inside her, of the love she had stopped fearing and embraced so fully.

A hand unknowingly went to her own stomach, taut and firm, and another wave of pain hit her as she realized she would never get to live that, to know what it was like to feel a baby safely nested in her womb. She had accepted that if Booth wasn't her baby's father, no one else could fit the role. And that possibility had just vanished into thin air, after knowing that with Hannah in DC, Booth would fight to the death for his happiness, his _lifetime's happiness_.

She wanted to be the bigger person, and be truly happy for him. But a part of her screamed, "_It was you who decided to push him away. You could have had it all, and you threw it all away because you didn't trust yourself with giving your heart away, you didn't want to be in pain, and yet you're basically dying right now"._

"It´s quite early for you to be here, Ange. "With your condition, even if women are not handicapped by pregnancy, you should rest, the toll on your body must be taxing already", Temperance started, and Angela smiled at how her friend was able to mix her concern with her scientific mumblings, "I wanted to paint for a little while, relax... Luckily, the smell doesn't make me queasy, and today I felt good enough to come here. I needed to be alone for a bit, even if I hate to wake so early, baby already mad it impossible for me to continue sleeping, and I could use the time to myself. Jack is hovering", she said fondly, and Temperance tiredly smiled at her.

"Don't get angry. He just cares about you, and with the life he's led, he must be facing some fears of everything fading away, of this being a dream. I know how ecstatic he must be, so don't be so hard on him, and understand he just wants the very best for you and the baby", Angela nodded, but pushed again, "Sweetie, I'm still waiting. "What happened, after we left?", some minutes passed, and Angela frowned, knowing something was very wrong with her friend, and waited for her reply. "After, she gave him his gift. He was clearly happy, so I left. I felt they… wanted me out", she said, and Angela also understood the innuendo behind her words, and just asked,

"He let you leave like that, on your own? That doesn't seem like him at all?", she said, angered that Booth was neglecting her, even if she could understand the rush his new life was giving him.

"Things are different now, Ange", Angela nodded, "Well, she's here, and he's clearly intent on making this relationship work. I think… she might be the one". Angela gasped, and even if she knew her friend would use every skill she possessed to build her walls, she could still see the pain in the depths of her eyes, now a clear blue, and something she never thought she would see in the almighty Temperance Brennan: defeat. "He had never asked anyone to move in with him before, so I can logically assume this is it for him, he found his forever".

"Sweetie…", she said, and Brennan just raised her hand to stop the sympathetic comment she knew her friend was about to provide, "Ange… please don't. I can't afford to break down right now", Angela looked at her, and Temperance could see there was no pity, but only love and pain on her behalf, "If I do, I'll run from here, leaving everything behind, and I can't do that. I promised, and it was so hard getting everyone here…", she said, rubbing her temples, knowing there was a massive headache coming, "I can't be as selfish as to disrupt our work mechanics again because things are not going my way. Look what it did the first time around, and he´s so happy right now", she said.

Angela sighed, "Sweetie, I understand what you're saying, but we care for you, and if you're in pain, we're all in pain. One of us is down, and we're right on the floor with you. Can you answer something honestly?", Brennan nodded, but Angela could see the reluctance to speak about her feelings.

"Did it hurt… seeing Booth with Hannah, that way?", she wanted to lie, to tell her she didn't care, but in her core, witnessing the love and devotion that had once been for her and that was now lost, Angela would read it, she was certain of it, Angela had always had a knack for reading her like an open book, "Ever since you returned you've been dismissing your feelings, acting like the idea of Booth finding someone new doesn't hurt you, but Sweetie… I know how it feels".

She nodded, "Ange… there is something you don't know. Something that happened before we all left", Angela looked expectant, but refrained from saying nothing, clearly waiting for her to elaborate.

"Remember Gemma Harrington?", Angela nodded, and inhaled, knowing something big had happened for her friend to look so solemn, "Our first case? Sweets gave us the draft for the book he had written, Ange. He had wrongly assumed that Cleo Eller's case was our first. We went to the Hoover, and set the record straight. Even if at first you assumed something had happened, later on you always thought that nothing indeed happened between me and Booth after the night he fired us, didn't you?", Angela nodded again, "It did. Something happened. Booth and I kissed… We were high, on tequila", she scoffed tearfully, "ON each other. We were about to head to my place, but I called it off. I said I wasn't about to have drunk sex with him. And things went downhill from there", she seemed to be regaining her bearings.

"Sweetie, I never thought… I mean, we all assumed you had slept with him, but you denied it so vehemently, and then when we solved the case, it seemed you hated him so much", Bones nodded, "We assumed that indeed it was true and that nothing further had happened. Sure, there was the sexual tension, but we assumed it was the usual stuff".

"I was angered, because I assumed he had gotten me drunk to… make it easier on me, I mean, to make me accept the fact that he had fired me, and also to take advantage of me, sexually. It was a series of misunderstandings that ended up in me slapping him hard on the face, and an exchange of insults that let us both bitter and resentful. Anyway… When we told Sweets everything, he sort of… challenged us. More Booth than me, but us. He said we had to break the stalemate", she recalled Sweets' words. "He called Booth the gambler, and that it was up to him to change things".

Angela was practically clenching her thighs in anticipation, she knew something major had happened. She had noticed that for a while, things were different, like instead of sexual tension, the air around them had filled with unexplainable sadness, not from Booth, who was too high on his new relationship, but from her friend, the woman who would never let love rule her life.

"When we left his office, we were commenting on some things Sweets had said, like I had deep abandonment issues because of my parents, and that Booth had a white knight complex because of the abuse he endured during his childhood when he suddenly said he believed in giving us a shot", her eyes filled with tears at the memory, "He told me he knew, right from the beginning, that we could be something. He told me that in old couples you could see that the guy had always felt it, that he just _knew"_, her eyes pooled even more, "I reminded him that making the same mistake usually ended up at the same result", seeing Angela´s confusion, she added, "Just something that had to do with that first case, before I called you in to help us… But he pleaded to me that we could go for a different outcome… And I…", a solitary tear slid down her cheek, "At first, I told him that the FBI would break our partnership up, but then he kissed me. I pushed him away, telling him he needed protecting, from _me, _that I didn't have his open heart. He pleaded, Ange, there was so much pain in his eyes… He told me what I just told you… But I rejected him, I told him… I couldn't change", the anthropologist raised her pain-filled gaze, and Angela instantly stood, going to sit by the edge of her desk, taking her friend's hand, hating how much she had lost by making that choice, and how broken she was now by realizing her mistake.

"Of course he had to be sad, but what amazes me is that even after that, he stayed", Angela shook her head sadly, and Temperance nodded while tears continued to fall, "He told me he had to move on, to find someone who would love him for 30, 40, 50 years, and the only thing I could ask was that if we could still work together. I could see he didn't want to, but he did it, I guess out of the love he still felt for me at the moment", she sighed, her voice broken and soft, "But everything was so different. I could feel him pulling away".

Angela could now understand everything. Why suddenly after such a dry spell, Booth had decided to date again, starting with Catherine, who was beautiful, and also smart. Why there seemed to be a desperation in her eyes whenever he was close, like she couldn't run fast enough and at the same time wanted to wrap herself up in him.

She felt terrible because she knew her own issues had blinded her to her friend's obvious inner turmoil, and she knew she had neglected her.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry I was so caught up in everything happening to me I didn't even realize what was happening", Brennan shook her head, glad that at least now she had someone to hold her hand, only if it was a pitiful remainder of the hand she truly wanted to hold on to, and that was no longer hers.

"It's not your fault. I tried to hide it, so that the lab wasn't affected by what was happening", Angela sighed.

"Do you want my opinion, Sweetie?", Brennan nodded, "Booth is an alpha-male. And of course, that would mean he's highly desirable to lots of women, and that they would try and catch his attention. He was so centered in you, in your work, he forgot about himself and just… He let his happiness get attached to you, because he had hope. He knew you were slow where the heart is concerned, and he gave you time, but when all he got in response was you telling him there would never be something more, that all he would have would be the dreams of you two being together, that all of his waiting was for nothing, and he… He did his best to mend his broken heart. And still, I could still see he hoped. But when you decided to ditch everything, and metaphorically run for the hills… That killed him. I saw his eyes when he left that airport after you said goodbye… That man was dying, Bren", she could only nod, knowing every word coming out of her friend's mouth was the truth, "I could feel his pain, and now that you've told me this, everything makes sense. Sweetie, he proved to you more than once that he wouldn't desert you, but we all have a breaking point, and I guess Booth reached his", Temperance could only lower her head, tears falling unabashedly down her cheeks, "He truly seems happy with her, doesn't he?", Angela stated. She could perhaps console her and give her hope, but knowing Booth, aware he was a one-woman man, she highly doubted that if he had seemingly finally given up on Brennan, it was for nothing. And to top it all, Hannah was a permanent fixture of his life now, having moved in with him and all.

"He does. She makes him happy. He told me… It was serious, and I could see, even then… He wasn't joking. The times I've seen them together… I know it scientifically impossible, but he was… glowing", sniffling, she raised pleading eyes on her friend, and dejectedly said, "And now… I lost him, didn't I? But how could I lose someone that I never had?", she said, and Angela squeezed the hand she has holding tighter.

"Because in your heart, despite your fear, you always felt he was yours. And it hurts to think he…", she cringed at the words, but she knew they had to come out, "That he gave up on you, on what he felt, that he didn't want to wait anymore. And it hurts to know that someone else is having what should have been yours, the life you should have led belongs to someone else", Angela said, understanding now, after long talks with Hodgins, how it had been for her husband to see her with Roxy, then Wendell, fearing their love would fade into thin air, that they would miss their chance. And she thanked the Heavens in that moment that she had finally gotten her act together, and they had found each other yet again, and this time, for good.

"Even if it's irrational of me to feel that way, I think… Your perspective of this situation is highly accurate. But I can't…", she sighed, wiping her tears hastily, "I can't break the team up. We were the center, and because of me, we are broken. Perhaps… we won't be mended, but at least, we can work well enough", she said, and straightened her clothes before running her hands through her hair, fixing her bangs, and trying to make it sleek.

"Sweetie…", Angela began, but she just raised her hand, halting her friend's words, knowing she was seconds away from a full meltdown, which she couldn't afford herself while everyone was there, their eyes trained on them, hoping they were going to put their team back together.

"I promise you I'll try and find some semblance of normalcy around him, and I hope, in time, I can stand the sight of him, and not… feel like someone is prodding my insides. He deserves to be happy, I _want him to be happy,_ and I've hurt him way too much to continue being in the way of that path towards the life he has worked so hard to get. I'll resign myself to the fact that I'm only a friend, a colleague, someone to have his back, but that I no longer hold his heart, even if now it seems ironic that he holds mine, that it took me losing him to know he held the key to the life I didn't even know I wanted", she said, and uncharacteristically, bent her head to kiss Angela's forehead, "I won't interrupt your life further, Ange. I've been alone, and I now realize that what you told me when we returned?", Angela wanted to cringe, the words had tons of truth, but at the moment they had come in sarcastic teasing, out of the exasperation she felt at seeing her friend still denying her feelings, "You're right. I'm going to die loveless and alone, at my own hands. But somehow… I'll deal. Right now? I'll focus on not falling apart", she said, and hastily grabbing her lab coat, already decided on spending her morning in Limbo, and she left her friend with tears in her eyes, arms braced protectively around her midriff, which was just barely starting to round, heartbroken that indeed the center had been broken, and the worst part was that those who could mend it had already given up.

**I love reviews, live for them… I already have the next 8 chappies… But let me know if this is worth continuing… I will post chapter 2…**

**This is long, I know… Not betaed, so please, feel free to comment on any mistakes or inconsistencies… **

**And thank you for reading and dropping me a line if you feel like it… ! Greatly appreciated!**


	2. How the truth hurts

**As usual, starting with disclaimer. Don't own nothing, (regretfully), I just love to play with them… And fix the messes that break our poor hearts…**

**This is part 2, and I'm already dodging… You'll hate me, but I can only imagine this is the truth.. (uff… hateful, I know, and painful)…**

**So be kind, forget you hate me and tell me what you think…**

**I only need your words to continue posting…**

Tracing the length of her spine with his fingers, he pressed a kiss against her soft skin, now soaked with sweat, smelling of them both, igniting everything that was alpha-male in him. She practically purred, enjoying the post-coital bliss, their reunion filled with passion and laughter, staring into each other's eyes, finally relieved that her fears seemed unfounded, and that her reason to rush back home had simply been only her fear of losing the most amazing man she had ever met, and of course, her missing him in her bed and in her life.

When they met, she could see there was something hurting him, but refrained from asking too many question, assuming after they talked a few times it was just the horrors of war taking their toll on him. He had saved her, his courage and imposing stance startling her, igniting a fire she had forgotten she could feel ever since she had been assigned to this war-torn country. She remembered how it felt when he went to help her, how he reassured that she was safe, how he ordered his men to patch the insurgent up, but keep him safely restrained. She had marveled at his humanity, and he had led her to the camp, to bring her a bottle of water, even if she knew he had to arrest her for trespassing.

Long hours later, after the camp leader had finally relented and decided to let her go with a warning to not ever, ever cross a restricted area again, getting a wholehearted promise from her, she had been glad he was the one to lead her back to her own camp. The absurdity of the situation had hit them both: he had both saved her and arrested her, and they had laughed and laughed, until they had to lean against a fig tree to get their breaths back. The air had shifted, and laughter had given way to sexual awareness: she was beautiful, even with dirty clothes, and he couldn't be more ruggedly handsome if he tried, his army shirt clinging to every muscle. They had flirted, openly, until the loneliness of their months there, and their attraction got the better of them.

It had been savage, but tender, how he had taken her against the trunk, his thrusts powerful and passionate, his hands tender and living against her skin, his body shielding her from the night air, the smells of the night and of their mutual scents spiking their arousal higher. It had been primal, but loving. She remembered how she had only managed to drop his fatigue pants and boxers to the ground as he divested her of her kakhis and underwear, how the sensation of their joining felt perfect and changing. She smiled as she remembered how he had leaned his head on her damp skin, kissing her neck, nuzzling her ear, getting his strength back after their monstrous release, limbs shaking, cores sated, but mostly, a little bit of their hearts healed from the pain of war.

One day, just as she had come to share his afternoon break, he told her he was finally ready to move on, and that he wanted to try with her for that chance at happiness he craved. She had been delighted, while he had literally swept her off her feet, first saving her, and now offering her the chance for something more. From then on, they found a way to spend practically every night together, when the occasion and the bullets allowed for it, basking in the growing feelings between them. Time passed until days became months, and he received a fateful call from who he told her was the "brightest, most pigheaded, button-pushing prosecutor she could ever meet", begging him to help one of their own.

They had shared many talks, and he had told her all of his "squints", but mostly about his partner. So when he told her he had to go, she had understood: she already knew Camilla Saroyan was someone dear to him, and adding to the cry from help, he had told her of his son, how badly he missed his little boy, how he felt like he was fighting somebody else's war, and that even if he knew his help was needed here, his home, his life back in DC needed him more, the call from Caroline a testament of how badly their family was without their center. They had made love sweetly, sorrowfully, hating that they had met at such extreme circumstances, but somehow, there had been hope that somehow, they would make "them" work.

Days passed after their bittersweet goodbye, and she missed him so badly she had left everything to follow him back home, because she truly wanted to try that forever he had told her about.

No man she had ever met had made her feel so much love, so much passion, it had been the most Earth-shattering moment of her life, and she knew that one Seeley Booth had ruined her for other men. She tried to act nonchalant and cool, she didn't want to be clingy, but her feelings were growing exponentially, and each moment in his presence only seemed to heighten her response.

"Hmmmmh", she hummed satedly, her body still throbbing all over with the effects of her release, smiling at the playful, devilish grin gracing his lips, "that was amazing", she was on her stomach while he lazily peppered kisses on her skin. She had learned he was highly tactile, and incredibly tender and playful after sex, something she loved. Many men just rolled on their backs and went to sleep, but he worked to keep the connection they had just shared, drawing it out, making her feel deliciously languid, her legs still wobbly from their activities, her thighs deliciously sore, and loving how he had devoted to soothe her, with his hands and mouth.

"I concur. It was amazing", he said, "You ARE amazing", he said, and she laughed softly, "Let's just settle that we're amazing together, ok?", he nodded, and started trailing open-mouthed kissed down the length of her spine.

She groaned playfully, "Baby, don't start something you can't finish", she warned him, her body exhausted from the long hours of sexcapades, but still wanting more from him, and he chuckled, voice oozing with confidence and satisfaction, "Who says I can't finish? You know I always deliver", he teased, and let his tongue taste her skin, salty and sweet at the same time.

She moaned, her body screaming in perfect satisfaction and anticipation. She rolled on her back, and he immediately settled between her thighs, her eyes widening at the evidence that indeed, he _could and would _finish if she let him, yet again. He did have amazing stamina, and proof of that was the long hours they had just spent making love after the most delicious dinner together. "I thought that you had to get up early, and baby, it's almost 5am, we haven't slept a single hour", he smiled playfully at her, and made her gasp when, with a thrust of his hips, he drove into her, drawing a needy moan from her lips as he joined them, feeling how hot and slick she was around him.

He needed her. He was truly starting to believe she was it, she was the one he could spend his life with, and now that she was here, he could truly work on everything he wanted for them, burying himself in her supple body he could forget the pain that had tainted his life for so long, and that thankfully thanks to her, seemed only a bitter and distant memory.

No more huge elephants in the room. No more walking around eggshells. He knew she hadn´t noticed, but when he said they had had to work around larger things as they stared to the huge display that had been taken residence in their lab, he hadn't been joking. They had worked around their feelings, hiding, pretending… But he was no longer willing to do that. And honestly, he didn't need to, since his feelings for Hannah were honest.

He was going to work on a family. He and Rebecca had had what he thought was the first civil conversation in years when he returned. She told him that despite what he thought, she didn't keep Parker from him because she believed he was unfit to care for their boy; she finally dared tell him that the problem was that she didn't see any stability in his life, with his work, something he couldn't deny, without a healthy relationship, and he knew she was right. And after much thought, he could finally accept that he had laid everything on the line for something that he now knew would never happen.

She had made it more than clear.

And Hannah wanted the same things he did. She believed in family, in building a life, she was as hard-working and devoted as he was, but still knew how to keep a healthy balance. She knew how to joke, how to laugh. She took to people, and people took to her. She was even Catholic. She loved with her whole heart, not holding a single thing back.

Perfect.

Satisfaction and release no longer seemed empty. Perhaps his chance at tomorrow, at forever was closer than he thought. Hearing her delighted, startled gasp as he joined their bodies and started a slow, torturing pace designed to drive them both crazy with need, he just took her earlobe between his lips, and sucked sensually, whispering against the fragrant skin of her neck, "I don´t care. You´re worth me falling over my desk, babe", he let out a growl at the sensations her tight heat produced in him, and bent his head to suck her rosy nipple, already puckered and waiting for his attention, eliciting a pleasured moan, "You're so delicious, I can't get enough…", he muttered against her skin as for the first time since he had become FBI, he pressed the off button on his cell phone and truly devoted to keeping the world at bay, even with the impending dawn reminding them there was a new day ahead of them.

"Dr. Brennan?", the anthropologist raised her eyes from the bone she was holding, to face the dark eyes of her boss.

"What can I do for you, Cam?", she replied, keeping her stern composure as best as she could, but Cam had already seen the defeated posture, the slumped shoulders, so different from the proud woman she knew Temperance Brennan to be.

Cam devoted to putting the administrative stuff back together after their return, and Temperance in Limbo, thankful for the distraction that there were so many remains pending for identification, she hadn't had time to let her mind wander in what Booth might be doing, or worse, _who _he might be doing, particularly after her heartbreaking conversation with Angela. Luckily, her friend hadn´t noticed she had stayed the night, when in truth she had slept only an hour on her couch, and since she always had a change of clothes, nobody would know she hadn't even rested. Angela wouldn't figure it out, since she was always at the lab at 6, 6.30 tops, so she hadn't assumed that when she found her, it had been because she had been unable to go home.

"The FBI is calling me. There's a body", Temperance frowned at her boss' words.

"Why didn't they call Booth?", she replied, and Cam shook her head, "Perhaps because they've been trying to reach him for the past hour, and either his battery is dead or he's purposefully ignoring them, since he´s not picking up his house number", Cam replied.

"Isn't he… at the Hoover?", she said, looking at her watch, it was 7.50 and she knew that ever since their return, he had also taken the habit of arriving at the FBI building earlier than he used to, to catch up on the paperwork that was waiting for him. Her voice dropped as her mind came up with a scenario she would hate to confirm, "I'll try and get a hold of him anyway. And his house number doesn't work yet, he told me the phone company is taking forever to reconnect it, so logically, they wouldn't be able to reach him there", she said, and after taking her gloves off, she searched for her cell phone in the pocket of her lab coat, and then pressed 1 on the speed dial, only to get the same response as everyone before her.

"_You have reached the phone of Special Agent Seeley Booth. Please, leave a message after the tone or reach him at the Hoover Building, Major Crimes Division, 555-03…", _she ended the call, and looked helplessly to Cam.

"Have you already enquired if the remains are fresh, Cam?", she asked, and Cam shook her head.

"I did, of course, and they are just the way you like them. Pure bones", Cam said, and tried to hide her concern. She knew Booth like the palm of her hand, being his friend for so long meant she knew things about him no one else did, and she knew that Seeley Booth _never _turned his cell phone off, unless he was _seriously busy._

She looked at the woman in front of her, and felt sorry for her. She knew she thought she had everyone fooled, but Cam could see heartbreak from a mile away, and even if Temperance Brennan had hid hers like a pro, Cam could see the cloud that had taken residence into those baby blues, and she knew the source was no other than her friend. She didn't want another soap opera at the lab, like the one that took place with Angela, Jack and Wendell before. Luckily, regarding them, it was all water under the bridge, and they were again the best of friends.

But Cam never fooled herself. She knew the dynamics of the lab depended on the two people who were now at odds with each other. _Seeley, you damn fool. Why couldn't you wait a bit longer?_

Cam remembered her words just after their partnership was reinstated after his surgery. _Be sure about what you feel because if you crack that shell, and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she trusts anyone every again._

And how she hated to be right. Seeing at the woman in front of her, she could understand that's what had happened, and that indeed, Temperance Brennan had made her choice. Standing alone before facing any more heartbreak. And honestly, she couldn't blame her because she had every reason to want to protect was what left of her sanity, if not of her heart, because she was certain finally, that little organ had to be crushed beyond repair.

Temperance closed her cell phone, hating that Cam seemed to know what might be the reason behind him not picking his phone up. They were both women, and they could appreciate Hannah's beauty, and personality. And if that hadn't been enough, Booth's decision told them he was seriously considering building his life with her.

Cam had been surprised, but after getting to know Hannah, she couldn't dislike her. She had no faults, she was perfect for him, and even if her heart ached for the anthropologist she had learned to consider a friend, she knew Hannah was good for him. She had forgotten the last time she had seen him so happy, and could only wish his choice was the right one.

"You're right. He's not picking up", she frowned. "Cam, if word of this gets out… He might get in trouble", she said, and Cam nodded, worry lacing her features.

"I know, Dr. Brennan, and that's what concerns me. The FBI techs are on their way to the crime scene, and I know they've learned to secure the scene, thanks to your insistence, but… if Cullen or Hacker find out he's getting sloppy…", she said, and she saw Brennan sigh before putting her professional mask on.

"Then I should go get him, and warn him before something happens", she said, and Cam's eyes widened. _My, my, but she had big, brass ones._

"Dr. Brennan, don't you think that might be a bit… awkward?", she replied, and it was clear as the sun in mid July that she was resorting to every compartmentalization technique she owned to mask her pain at what she might find at his place.

"Why should it? I'm only his partner, and I'm happy he seems to have found someone to form a meaningful relationship with, even if I still believe he's under the influence of neurochemicals, which, of course, is of no importance to me as long as he´s fulfilled and our work is not disrupted by Hannah being a permanent aspect of his life now. I'll go and give him the 202 on the situation", she said, and Cam couldn't fight her snort.

"101, Dr. Brennan, 101", Cam said, and she had the decency to blush at being corrected. But as she walked, she had to fight another wave of sadness as she realized she didn't have him anymore to correct her when she misused pop culture references. Everything was changing, and she felt like she had just reached the eye of the hurricane.

After disposing of her lab coat, and putting her jacket, she took her car keys and drove to his place, a mantra on her head. _Keep it cool. Keep it rational. Don't let him see you're hurt. Keep it cool. Keep it rational. Don't let him see you're hurt. Keep it cool. Keep it rational. Don't let him see you're hurt._

Maybe if she said it enough times, she would believe it. Once she had been faced with the strength and allure of his sexuality, so long ago and yet it seemed like yesterday, when being partners didn't mean so much to them, when it didn't mean they had saved each other in every possible way. She remembered knocking on his door, only to find him putting on his shirt after clearly having just finished making love with Tessa. And if seeing him like that hadn't been enough, seeing Tessa in his white shirt, the very picture of a woman who had been thoroughly and deeply ravished had made her snap. Of course, she had acted like she should: the very picture of professionalism, but it had stung, remembering that only a short year ago from that moment, that could have been her.

He had been awfully private, and she had assumed it was truly a reflection of him being a prude when it was only a desire to keep what should be private, private. Hearing him joke with Hannah about their first time together, against a tree, had made bile rise in her throat. _I never liked figs. Now I love 'em. If that image wasn't enough to fed her already starved brain… _

She reached his place, and after putting her car in park, she leaned her head against the steering wheel. _Please, _she said, _if you're truly out there, if You do exist, please… Don't let him see what this is doing to me. Please… Please, I'm begging you. Let me be his friend, let me forget._

She inhaled, and knowing time was running against her, she took the keys from the ignition, and reached for her purse. She walked towards his door, only to be greeted by his doorman, who knew her as well as her own doorman knew him, another evidence of how entwined their lives had been until this point. He greeted her and told her Agent Booth was still at home. She had hoped her trip had been for nothing, but at the piece of information, she braced herself for what she knew she was bound to see. She had smiled politely and walked towards the elevator.

The ride in the elevator was fast, and she walked the steps leading her to his door, cursing each one, because she knew she was walking to her own death, metaphorically at least. After this morning, she knew there would be no mending of her heart, nothing would cure her of the heartbreak that was sure to come.

So, she took a huge inhale, and on the exhale, before she let her fear take the best of her, she knocked on his door, not forcefully, but determinedly. She waited a few moments, and knocked yet again. Long seconds passed before she heard movement inside the house, and waited, ordering her face to show the perfect picture of composed professionalism, even if inside, she was falling apart. She still had the keys to his place, but she wouldn't dare use them now, fearing what she might find. After her hasty retreat the previous night, she didn't even dare go there.

She heard the rustle of the chain, and then he opened the door. She had to order her lungs to breathe because the sight of him had most definitely stolen her breath.

He oozed sex, there were no other words to describe how he looked. His hair was spiked, but even if it was standing at odd angles, it just added to his appeal. He was in his boxers, and nothing more. Even his feet were bare, and it was the first time she had seen him this way, her mind traveling at lightning speed remembering how he never walked around without socks, and she knew it was because the cold floor added to the pain he felt day by day, the pain he hid so well.

His chest was bare, and perfect. She could see he had gained more muscle mass during his time away, and she guessed that was the result of the strenuous life he must have had in the past months. His skin flushed, and beads of sweat rolling down those perfectly chiseled muscles.

But admiration gave way to distress. For if he was this way, there could one be a reason.

She swallowed hard, swallowed her pain, hid her hurt and smiled politely, "Hello, Booth", she said, and he gave an amused, confused frown.

"Bones, what are you doing here?", he asked, and the fact that his senses hadn't still registered the situation made her hurt even more.

"We have a case, Booth. You weren't picking your phone up. It's quite late", she said, and he looked lost in thought until he slapped his forehead and said.

""Shit! I forgot to turn my cell phone on", he said, and she swallowed again, her throat trying to work around the lump that seemed to be lodged there. At least he had had the decency to blush.

"Cam diffused the situation, and she told dispatch that probably your battery had died or something, and that we would be there", she said, and he nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, and as he was about to reply, a very feminine voice interrupted him.

"Baby, who is it?", and they both turned her heads. And now it took superhuman strength for her to hide her emotions.

There was Hannah, wrapped in his sheet, and it was clearly visible that she was wearing nothing underneath, looking the picture of a woman who had been taken, claimed to perfection. Even from far, she could see the bruised spot on the side of her neck, and there were some pink spots on her skin. _Beard burn. _

She felt the meager contents of her stomach, a cracker and her morning coffee, rise up to her throat, but again, she hid her reaction as best as she could.

"Oh, Temperance. What a surprise", Hannah said as she got closer to them, and slid a hand around Booth's waist, the gesture intimate and loving, "To what do we owe the pleasure?", she added, and Temperance could see she truly meant it. She was making it very hard for her to hate her, since she could truly see Hannah was indeed a nice, kind person. Just what he needed.

"We have a case, and the FBI couldn't reach Booth", Hannah giggled and blushed a pretty crimson, hiding her face in Booth's shoulder, "Oh, that's totally my fault. I'm sorry. I guess we got a little carried away with my moving in celebration", she said sheepishly, and Temperance wanted to cry at the look of total adoration in Booth's eyes as he stared at her, and lowered his lips to kiss her damp forehead, her skin also moist and pearly with sweat.

"It's my fault too, baby, so don't beat yourself up. I loved it", he smiled widely, "I have to go change, though. Come in, Bones. Give me 10 and we'll be on our way", he said, and she gave him her best professional look before replying.

"Actually, I drove over here", seeing his surprised look, knowing he always took them to crime scenes, she added, "I guessed you would need time to get ready, and if I'm already there, I can conduct a preliminary examination and perhaps save the sanctity of the crime scene. You know that even if your techs have gotten better, I like to make sure everything is untouched. So I'll just write down the address and you can meet me there", she said, instantly searching for the notebook she kept in her bag, and hastily wrote down the directions to the place.

She ripped the page and handed it to him, seeing his concern, and she said, "Booth, I know how you feel, but there's no reason to worry. I won't be alone, and the remains are not fresh. And if you´re concerned there's going to be word of this, remember they all know me, and they won't find it strange that I wanted to go there on my own, ok? So, I'll see you in a while", she smiled, and waved to Hannah, "Bye, Hannah".

"Bye, Temperance", she said warmly, "Drive safely. We won't hear the end of it if something happens. We both know how protective Seeley is, don't we?", Temperance swallowed.

"Yes, I do know, but it's not necessary. Even if his alpha-male tendencies would make him worry that I'm driving own, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. So I'll go. Bye", she said, and she walked normally until she felt the door close behind her. The moment she felt the click of it sliding shut, she ran to the stairs, not wanting to wait in the elevator, too keyed up, too desperate to wait. She took the steps in a haze, wondering afterwards how she hadn't broken her neck in the process, only lowering her speed until she reached his doorman, telling him she had to get to a crime scene, thus explaining her hurry.

She got in her car, and started the engine, brushing tears the entire way. _Temperance, you're stronger than this. If you don't calm yourself, they are going to know. _

She managed to calm herself a good 5 minutes before reaching the crime scene. Luckily, the techs were inside the woods, and she could take the time to grab her purse and fix herself. She took some powder, erasing the evidence of her tears, and dabbed more lip gloss.

_Well, Temperance, this'll have to do, _she thought as she stared at her reflection in the small vanity she kept inside. She could fix her makeup, but nothing could hide the sadness that seemed to be attached to her blue eyes.

Forever.

**Hiding already… But anyway, it's up to you if you think this is worth posting… Love you guys…**

**Musie is greedy… feed her and she´ll respond…!**


	3. The storm approaches

**Again, I own nothing (it bears repeating since so many of us wished we did (hehehe)**

**Anyway, to Mynicholle, Drco, Seoirse, Amylove15, Anon, Outboundhat and Jhi1005, thank you so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to let me know how I´m doing**

**Yes, I know this was sad to read, and even sadder to write. The truth is that I´ve been facing some angst in my life, and I´ve somehow let my feelings be transferred to this little fic, because truthfully, as so many out there, seeing the first 3 episodes of this season has been nothing but painful.**

**Again, I still have hope. And I´ve got to say both ED and DB´s acting has been amazing. I mean, all previous seasons we loved Booth and somehow hated her for dismissing him, and now we're kind of hating him and want to mother-hen her… I guess that's successful writing, if it can create so many emotions…**

**Again, thank you for reading.**

She sighed and exited her car. Fortunately, she had kept her bag in her car, even if she couldn't remember the last time she had drive to a crime scene, the bitterness of the thought making the bile rise in her throat again, and she hastily put on her jumpsuit and gum boots, and grabbed her kit. She straightened her spine, put her professional face on, and walked determinedly towards the group of techs waiting for her.

She was met by Charlie, who was called to the scene since he was Booth's wing man. "Dr. Brennan", and she could see he was surprised to see her arrive alone, "I thought you would come with Booth", he said, and she nodded politely.

"He's right behind me. I decided it would be best if I arrived first and took in the scene. You know I would be very displeased if my remains were compromised", she said, and Charlie nodded, but replied,

"Dr. Brennan, you know we have learned not to meddle with things until you're here", he said, and she smiled.

"I know Charlie, and I'm pleased. Even if not at the same level as the Jeffersonian, your techs have become quite proficient at collecting evidence", she said, and Charlie smiled, knowing how rare it was to receive praise from the stern anthropologist.

"Thank you Dr. Brennan. It's this way", she followed the trail Charlie lead her through, until they reached the remains.

She crouched before them, and took her recorder to tape her findings. "Female. Late 20's to early 30's", she took in the scene, "Victim's girth suggests she gave birth in the last year", she carefully leaned over the torso, "There are signs of struggle", she took in the victim's neck, "Hyoid is broken, consistent with strangulation", she said, and took the victim's wrist gently, "Broken wrist, probably resulting from the struggle", she said, and took in the victim again, letting her eyes travel the length of her body. "Flesh is practically gone, but with the scavenging and decomp, I estimate time of death 2 to 3 months ago", she finished, and she continued to trace the body with her eyes.

Her reverie was only broken when she heard the all familiar voice of one Seeley Booth, peace of mind going as well. She had managed to stop thinking of him for a few seconds, but now it seemed he was all around her.

"Hey, Bones, what do you got?", he said, and she straightened her back, and raised her eyes to answer, "Female. Caucasian. Late 20's. From what I could see, she was strangled while someone stood on her sternum. Time of death… somewhere between 2 to 3 months ago, considering the degree of decomp, but we'll have to wait for Hodgins' insight, since there is enough insect activity for him to establish time of death. She had a baby, not too long ago", she said, and took in the sight of him.

She guessed he hadn't had time to shave, but the stubble gave him a ragged look that only added to his alpha-male appeal. He had his usual FBI suit, and flashy tie. Cocky belt buckle in place. His eyes were focused on the paper in front of him, writing what she had just told him.

"I can't say more until the body's at the lab", she said, and he nodded, turning to Charlie, "You know the drill. Pack everything, and send it to the Jeffersonian", Booth said, and before Charlie sprinted for the other techs, she called to him, "Charlie, make sure you collect leaves, branches… They will be most helpful for Dr. Hodgins", Charlie smiled, "Don't worry, Dr. Brennan. Will do", he said, and sprinted away to talk to the rest of the team.

She bent her body, and collected her evidence kit, and walked pass him, effectively surprising him as she acted like he wasn't even there, but knowing he would follow her. She reached her car, and started unzipping the vinyl jumpsuit. "Bones, are you ok?", he said, as he took the bag and placed it in the trunk of her car, which she had opened seconds before.

"Why shouldn't I be?", she said as she bent her body to remove her gum boots, "I'll head to the lab, wait for the remains, and I'll call you when we have something", she said, and when she freed her legs of the suit, she started folding it, turning her back on him, seemingly busy arranging everything. When she was done, she closed her trunk and turned to him, "Isn't it what we always do?", she raised blue eyes at him, and swallowed.

_Don't let him see. Don't let him see. Don't let him see. Don't let him see._

"Yeah, Bones. I'll just… ", he started, and she smiled politely, but somehow it seemed… acid, "Head to the Hoover? You should. Remember Cam's excuse for your MIA this morning. Your battery died, and you hadn't noticed. We wouldn't want to make a liar out of Cam, would we? I'll call you when I have something to say, ok?", she said, and walked towards the driver side, until she felt a hand on her wrist as she placed it on the handle.

"Bones, are you truly ok? You seem… odd this morning. Are you upset because you had to go looking for me?", he said, and she sighed low before replying, "I'm sorry but I was kind of…"

"Busy? I could tell. And don't worry. I have no reasons to be upset. Your sexual life is of no concern to me, Booth, but I would appreciate it if it didn't interfere in our work. Not that it has happened before", she said as she realized he was about to protest, "You've always been quite professional, but I'm just asking you, as your _partner, _to be careful about those tiny details. You know we're under heavy scrutiny, and while I understand you're quite… _elated", _she swallowed, "Having Hannah at your place to cohabitate, we can't afford to make any mistakes. But your situation is clearly excusable. Hannah is a beautiful woman, and you're a healthy male, in your sexual prime, and it's understandable that having been apart has been hard on you two, and you would like to make up for lost time, apart from the fact that you would be eager to celebrate the new status you're partaking in", she smiled at him, though she knew it was fake, she tried to make it look as truthful as she could.

"It won't happen again Bones. But you have to understand…", he started, and she raised her hand to interrupt him, "No need to explain, Booth, I just told you I get it, and it's ok. As long as you're happy and fulfilled, I'm happy for the both of you. All I'm asking is that you remain available and within reach during work hours. What you do afterwards should be of no concern to me, since you're entitled to your private life. It would be foolish and irrational of me to expect you to be on my beck and call at all times, wouldn't it? And even more now, that Hannah is with you, at your house. So, don't worry and as I said, I'll let you know when I have more findings", she said, and disengaged her hand from his grip, and opened her door, and before closing it and driving away she said, "Better head to the Hoover before you do get in trouble. I´ll see you, Booth", she said, and turned the engine on, and drove away.

Booth stood there for a few seconds. For a slight moment, he saw something similar to pain, but he knew it couldn't be. She had acted normal, well, as normal as she could be, and seemed fine with his new situation. Perhaps his initial assessment was true, and the fact that she had had to drive to his place was what had upset her a bit, knowing how much she hated for her routine to be interrupted. He assumed it was just because she had been concerned the crime scene wouldn't be secure and the remains compromised.

He sighed again. She wouldn't change ever. He had hoped her time away had given her time to reflect on her life, but it seemed she was the same woman, unwilling to open herself to love, only relying on science and facts.

Luckily for him, that wasn't his problem anymore, and he had Hannah now. Hannah who filled his life with passion, laughter, love, with her small duffels, and silky clothes everywhere. Just what he needed.

What he didn't understand was why, for a moment, the sight of the imaginary pain he thought was in her blue eyes had felt like a stab wound.

Shaking his head, he chuckled. They were both right. He was way too protective, but he needed to change. He had changed. And she didn't want him to protect her anymore. Now he had someone who loved everything about him, and that notion made his world just a bit brighter, knowing his bed wouldn't be cold at night anymore.

This time she couldn't fight her tears, they fell down in an endless stream as she drove to the lab.

She knew he hadn't seen her pain, and part of her was relieved, while the other felt betrayed. It seemed he didn't know her anymore. He couldn't read her, read how badly she needed his arms around her, telling her he wouldn't leave.

But why wouldn't he, why shouldn't he? She had left him first.

She reached the Jeffersonian, and the same way she had done at his parking lot, she reached her head against the steering wheel when she parked, trying to find some semblance of calm before she faced them all.

Angela was onto her situation, and she felt Cam too, but Wendell, Clark and Hodgins weren't, and she had already vowed to herself she wouldn't be the reason behind the machine not working to its full capacity.

So again, she wiped her tears, fixed her makeup yet again, and took her bag.

She greeted everyone, and found Cam on the forensics platform.

"Dr. Brennan. How was everything?", she knew she was waiting the info both on the case and on Booth.

So she decided to be her practical self, "The body is being delivered, along with the necessary samples for Dr. Hodgins. It was female, late 20's… strangled, and her ribs were broken, probably because she struggled, and the killer stepped on her sternum. She gave birth not so long ago. Booth is, I imagine, waiting for us to start so he can go through the missing persons' files. She must have died around 2, 3 months ago", seeing Cam's raised eyebrow, she inhaled, thankful the others were not around to hear the conversation, and added, "I guess that look means you want to know what happened with Booth. I went to his place, and it was obvious I woke him up. He… had forgotten to turn his cell phone on, I assume because he was… occupied with Hannah, _celebrating. _I assume I don't have to elaborate, don't I?", she said, and Cam, with a concerned frown replied.

"Don't worry, Dr. Brennan. I can fill in the blanks. I hope it wasn't too embarrassing", she said, a cringe on her beautiful face, and Temperance just shrugged her shoulders, trying to dismiss and deflect the effects of the situation.

"Not at all. I am Booth's partner, but I can understand the need for sexual release as well as Booth's need to bond emotionally, which he seems to be doing quite well with Hannah, so it shouldn't be awkward, what he does afterhours or his cohabitation arrangements are not my problem", she said, "I'll just go to my office. Call me when the remains get here".

Cam hesitantly replied, "Ok", as she saw the anthropologist walk down the steps to her office.

If she wasn't a woman, and hadn't gone through the same thing with the same man so long ago, she would have bought it. But she could see the encounter must have been not only awkward, but painful, and she felt a pang of sympathy for her.

When Temperance entered her office, she followed her usual routine. Discard her jacket, put on her coat, and sit on her computer to write her preliminary findings while waiting for the remains to arrive.

But this time, when she sat in front of her desk, she took a few seconds to rub her temples, closing her eyes. She hoped Cam hadn't seen the bunch of lies she had just told. Yes, it had stung. Yes. It had hurt. Yes. It had killed everything inside of her knowing he had been making love with Hannah, and witnessing the after-effects firsthand, even if she knew he must have been having sex with her regularly, and now even more so.

Her phone rang, startling her, and with a heavy sigh, she took it in her hands.

"Dr. Temperance Brennan", she answered in her usual manner.

"Dr. Brennan. This is Dr. Sloan. I'm calling you from Bethesda Medical Center", she heard, and she didn't understand, but a wave of fear took hold of her, but she kept her voice steady as she replied.

"Dr. Sloan, what can I do for you?", she waited for the response, not knowing how it would turn her world upside down.

"Dr. Brennan. I'm calling you because we found you're Max Keenan's power of attorney and medical proxy", she swallowed, and without her notice, she was already standing from her chair, her body taut with tension.

"What happened?", she said, her voice becoming shaky at all the possible scenarios this call could mean.

"Your father was involved in a car accident", the doctor seemed reluctant to continue, "Dr. Brennan. Things are not looking good. His injuries are too extensive and there is a high probability he won't make it", her eyes were pooling with tears at each word she heard, and she blinked them back, her chest aching like someone was standing on top of it.

"I'll be there in as long as it takes me to complete the drive", she replied, and heard the doctor's answer, "Please, do. Time is running against us", she put the phone on her place, and without a single thought, practically ripped her lab coat off, and took her purse and jacket, tears streaming freely down her face, as she started to run.

Cam and Angela were talking on the platform when they saw her run from her office, and Angela practically screamed, "Sweetie, what's wrong?", they could see her distress and pain, and got worried immediately.

"I need to get Bethesda, now. My dad…I'll tell you later", were her only words while she ran, not giving them time to react.

Angela instantly turned to Jack, who was as shocked as they were, "Jack, you have to take us there. Cam, you coming?", Cam nodded, and the three headed to their offices to find their things and accompany their friend.

"Absolutely. She needs us. I better call Seeley", she said, and Angela gave her a dubious look, knowing how strained things were between them, "Ange, no matter how wrong things are, he would never forgive himself or us if he wasn't there. And no matter if she's trying to act like she doesn't care, she needs him there", Angela nodded.

After giving instructions, and picking their stuff, they were driving, hoping the news they were about to hear weren't as bad as they feared.

**It bears to be said, I adore Max, he´s funny and charming, even if he´s cold-blooded murderer, he's amazing. **

**And right now, I think something huge had to act like the konk to the head they´re so badly needing…**

**Let me know if you liked, and thank you for being here…**


	4. Past the eye of the hurricane

**For those of you who don´t know me well, I´m a complete and total B&B shipper, and even if I somehow understand why Hart chose to torture us, my only hope is that he doesn't fool us and keep them apart when the series ends (God, I hope he does something by the end of this season, groans!)**

**Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I still have to write a fic where the end is not a happy BB ending, so put your minds at ease…**

**I hope you´re enjoying the ride… Even if its… angstful… (hehe)**

**A HUGE, HUGE THANKS not only to those who have reviewed, but those who had added this story to their alerts, or have added me as an author… Really, it´s very humbling, and I appreciate it greatly… It gives me the fuel I need to continue with this story, and to try and ease both our hearts… There are many names, but I know who you are, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU ALL!**

She almost broke all traffic laws in her hurry to get to the hospital, but didn't care. She needed to get to him, to see him, to confirm that perhaps the doctor had exaggerated. Her father was strong. He would pull through. He had to pull through.

She reached the reception desk, and after the nurse lead her to the Intensive Care unit, she gasped as she saw him through the glass wall. Her eyes pooled with tears at the sight of his broken body, and it was only a voice behind her which made her turn.

"Dr. Brennan?", she nodded, "I´m Dr. Sloan", they shook hands, but the doctor could see she was desperate for information, "Dr. Brennan. Your father was involved in a grave car accident. It seems a drunk driver was running pass a red light, and he spotted a small child letting go of his mom's hand to cross the street as the car was speeding. Apparently, your father rushed to keep the child out of harm's way, but in the process he received the full impact", her eyes were pooling with tears, and trying to steady her voice, she asked,

"How's he? What are his injuries?", she asked, and the doctor sighed, "Dr. Brennan. Both his lungs are collapsed, 7 ribs were broken. One of them punctured his right lung", she swallowed, "but that's not the worst part. His liver is completely crushed, and failing, and his right kidney stopped working. He's bleeding internally as we speak. You understand what I'm saying?" she nodded shakily.

"You're saying that even if you fixed his injuries, his liver is destroyed, and he's bleeding out", the doctor nodded.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Brennan. All we can do is make him as comfortable as we can", she swallowed hard.

"Is he conscious?", the doctor nodded. "Remarkably, he is. When he regained consciousness, something we hadn't thought possible, he forcefully removed his breathing tube, and when we tried to put him on a morphine drip to diminish the pain and make him drowsy enough to place the tube again, he refused, saying he wouldn't accept any drugs or tubes until his kids got here. He gave us your brother's phone, and he's already on his way, though I fear he won't get here in time. Would you like to come in? He's waiting for you", she nodded.

"Nurse Holly will give you some scrubs, and you can go in. I'm truly sorry, Dr. Brennan", she just closed her eyes.

She was handed scrubs, and she put them over her clothes. She walked hesitantly towards the bed, and sat in the chair they had set for her. She imagined that since the prognosis was so grim, they were giving her some allowances.

"Dad", she said, her voice filled with tears. She saw how swollen his body looked, and the purple tint of his skin. She could see the signs of the bleeding, and that indeed, death was perhaps a few moments away.

With a groan, he moved his head, and a tear slipped out, as he croaked out, "Baby, you came", she nodded eagerly and smiled lovingly at him.

"I will always come. Dad…", she trembled, and she saw his hand twitch, and she instantly clasped it in her own, feeling how clammy and cold it felt.

"I´m glad that little boy is ok", she smiled tearfully at him.

"You were a hero, dad", he smiled, but then coughed, and she could see a bit of blood on his lips.

"Baby", he groaned, "I needed to tell you something", she placed a shaky hand against his lips, her tears falling freely now.

"Don't speak. You have to rest, so you can get ok", she said, and he chuckled, which prompted another coughing fit.

Heaving, he said, "You weren´t good at lying baby. We both know this is my time to go", she shook her head.

"No, dad. You have to fight, you can't leave me!", she pleaded, and he raised his hand, which she took to her face, kissing his fingers.

"Baby, my only desire… was to die in your arms. I never wanted to believe in Heaven, because for a killer and a robber… well… it made things difficult if we developed a conscience", he croaked out, "but if there is, my only wish is to go with your mother… And to become your guardian angel", she shook her head.

"No, daddy. I don't want you to go. If you love me so much, fight and don't leave me!", she pleaded, and he turned pained eyes on her.

His breathing was labored, "If it was my choice, I would never leave you. I´m sorry, baby girl. I would have loved to meet your babies… spoil them… Like only a grandfather could", she sobbed, "All I want… is your happiness… it kills me to know… you're in pain", she hid her face against his hand she had against her face.

"Deep inside… he still loves you… ", she shook her head and clasping her fingers with as much strength as he could, to relay his message, he said, "Trust me… a man can't love for so long… and forget about it… He loves you… the same way… I loved your mother…", wreaking sobs were going through her.

"I hope… you can forgive me… for leaving you before… for leaving you now", she kissed his fingers desperately, and said, "I forgive you, Daddy. I truly do. I love you, so much", she said, and he smiled tenderly at her.

"Please, tell Russ that I'm proud… of him… of how he finally turned his life around… Tell him to take care of you… Baby, the moment I looked… into your eyes… I loved you more than my own life…", she sobbed harder, "You were my precious angel… so beautiful…", she closed her eyes, "If there is… an afterlife… I'll be… looking out for you", she nodded, and leaned to kiss his forehead, too choked up to speak.

"Would you… sing to me?", he said, his voice growing weaker, and she nodded, "Of course", taking in the rasping breaths, knowing how bad he was still fighting, instantly knowing which song he wanted to hear.

_I´ve been thinkin´ bout_

_All the times you told me_

_You're so full of doubt_

_You can't just let it be_

_But I know, if you keep comin' back for more_

_Then I'll keep on tryin', keep on tryin'_

His chest started to shudder, and she saw the monitors start showing he was slipping away.

She leaned over him, and raised her hand to caress his hair, his eyes filled with love for her, and sorrow he was leaving her.

She spoke to him, "Don't fight it, daddy. Go with mom. Tell her I love her", she said, and resumed her singing, as she continued caressing his hand and hair, her tears falling like rain down her cheeks.

_And I've been drinkin' now just a little too much_

_And I don't know how I can get in touch with you_

_Now there's only one thing for me to do_

_That's to keep on tryin' to get home to you_

His body was arching slightly, and she felt him tremble. His breathe took the pace she knew signaled his final agony. His monitors started going off, and she saw the rush of nurses and the doctor heading their way, not even noticing that her borrowed family was there, watching her with tears also streaming down their faces, but she just shook her head, and fixed her eyes on him for one last time, their eyes meeting.

_And I feel so satisfied when I can see you smile_

_I, I want to confide in all that is true_

_So I´ll keep on tryin', I'm through with lyin'_

_Just like the sun above I'll come shinning through_

_Oh yes, I'll keep on tryin', I'm tired of crying_

_I got to find a way to get on home to you_

She closed her eyes, and rested her head above his chest the moment he smiled, closed his eyes and the monitor flatlined, blood oozing from his mouth and nose.

"Daddy, daddy", she said, her body shaking as she held him tenderly to her chest, not even caring that her clothes were getting wet with his blood, and she faintly heard the doctor and nurses checking everything only to confirm what she already knew. They understood there was nothing else to do, and because of that they hadn't pushed her away, knowing it was pointless.

Staring at the broken woman, the doctor said, "I'm so sorry", she nodded, and they just turned the machines off, knowing she needed time alone with him, silently exiting the room.

"Daddy, don't leave", she said, and shook, feeling how his warmth was steadily leaving his body.

With a shuddering breath, she laid him gently against the pillows, and caressed his face softly, "Sleep tight, Daddy", she said, and kissed his forehead before straightening, kissing the hand she was still holding against her chest, and putting it gently on the armrest, "I'll miss you. I hope I see you soon", she said, and rested her head against the wall, letting her body slid until she was on the floor, knees bent in front of her.

_Outside the room._

Cam, Jack and Angela were only able to look, tears streaming down their faces at the painful sight of their goodbye. Jack was holding Angela protectively against him, his hand on her bump, soothing her with his touch while she cried. Cam just stared, arms around her body, feeling helpless as there was nothing either of them could do. They had arrived and the doctor had explained everything. Basically, they were just waiting for him to go.

Cam had dialed Booth on the way, and just told him, "Get yourself over to Bethesda, NOW! We need you, Seeley. I don't know what happened, but it's bad", at the mention of the hospital, and the worry he could hear on her voice, he knew it was more than serious.

Hannah was visiting him at the Hoover, and he didn't even consider leaving her behind, not knowing what was wrong, needing the strength she would provide.

But when he reached the intensive care unit, and took in the scene before him, he knew bringing Hannah had been a colossal mistake. Seeing the look in Cam's face, filled with sorrow, he could only do what they were doing. Standing in silent vigil.

They heard every single word they shared, but mostly, they could see her heart literally break in front of their eyes. The cool, collected Temperance Brennan who dealt with death every single death was just as weak, if not weaker, than any of them.

Booth felt his heart break in his chest as he saw her, knowing he was unable to help her. He would have run to her, held her in his arms, console her, but Hannah's hands wrapped around his bicep reminded him he was no longer alone or free.

Her words shook them all, but mostly when she said, "_I hope I see you soon", _they feared what they might mean, too scared of the implications.

When he saw her slid to the floor, a pitiful heap, and place her head against her bended knees his hands itched to hold her close, seeing how her sobs shook her entire body.

They were all crying, the scene tugging at their heartstrings, and they were only interrupted a few moments later as a panting Russ entered.

"Where is dad?", was his only question, and from the looks in their faces, they knew he already figured out the worst had just happened.

His eyes went to the room, filling with tears. He silently walked inside, and towards the bed, touching Max's leg, his bloodied face fixed in an unusual mask of peace.

"Dad", he said, "Aw, dad", he let his tears fall, and then they could see he had just realized where she was.

Russ' heart broke even more at the sight of his little sister on the floor. He kneeled before her, and went to touch her forearm. She flinched, and he grabbed her with a bit more force, but still gently.

"It's me, Tempe, it´s me, Russ", her face had the look of someone who had just been ripped of something very precious and deeply loved.

"Russ?", he tried to hold her, but she fought him, "Tempe, you have me. You're not alone. You're not alone", said Russ, voice shaking but firm, and with a sob, she surrendered she threw herself into his arms, wailing sobs that made the people outside both cringe and cry even more.

Russ only held her against him, his hand rubbing her back, and he felt her body go limp. He rearranged her, and as awkward as it could be, he made her lay on the floor, with her head in his lap, caressing her short locks, as she got into a fetal position, like a scared little child would do after a nightmare.

They just stayed there, and long minutes passed. Her sobs didn't subside, and Russ looked helpless. He was concerned, she was starting to hyperventilate, and Cam had the presence of mind to call the doctor.

"A little help, please", Dr. Sloan, who had remained close to the scene, just nodded, no words necessary for him to grasp what was going on, and went to a cabinet. Cam saw him take a syringe, and she knew instantly what he was going to do.

She knew it was wrong not to let her grieve, but she was hyperventilating, and she would pass out. She was practically choking with her sobs, her hand against her chest, like she was in physical pain.

Jack, Angela, Booth and Hannah stared at Cam in confusion when they saw the doctor enter the room and crouch behind the mourning siblings, gasping when they saw her struggle against him, just understanding what he was about to do. Russ just started whispering in her ear as he bound her hands strongly, and the doctor was able to stick the syringe in her arm after cleaning the spot quickly, her eyes closing instantly, her body going limp with the pull of the drug, Russ holding her protectively against him, releasing her arms, all of them seeing the reddened wrists, aware of her strength, and how hard she had fought.

The doctor said, "It's better to move her to a bed", Russ shook his head. "Let us stay here. She would want to be here. She's already asleep anyway", the doctor nodded somberly, and exited the room.

He knew the group outside was waiting, and he approached them. Cam didn´t even wait as she asked, "What did you give her?"

"Some clonazepam and midazolam", at everyone's confused stared, "anxiolytic and sedative to put her to sleep. She was starting to have a panic attack, which is highly understandable".

Angela, wiping her tears, drawing strength from Jack's arms wrapped around her, spoke to the doctor, "How long will she be down?".

"Perhaps 1 hour, two… depends on how fast she metabolizes the drugs. She's calm now, and the aftereffects of the drugs will keep her calm for a while. I'm not saying she won't cry or feel the weight of the situation, but at least she won't panic again", they nodded.

"Thank you, Dr. Sloan", Cam said, and he nodded, turning on his heels.

"Poor Bren", Angela said, and Jack nodded. "It's only natural she's like that", he said.

Cam only said, without even realizing the thoughts leaving her lips, "She must feel so alone", and no one could argue her point, their eyes fixed on the two people inside.

Russ just continued caressing her hair, holding her protectively, wiping his own tears, and managed to give a grateful smile when a nurse brought him a blanket, a kind smile on her lips.

"So she doesn't get a cold", he instantly wrapped it around her, feeling how cold her skin was.

They all lost the notion of time, just standing there, watching them, keeping a silent vigil, until some male nurses entered with a gurney, and Russ understood what they were here to do.

She started whimpering at the loud sounds, and he tried to soothe her, but she just opened her eyes, and he could see the confusion until realization struck.

She started standing, and Russ helped her steady. She stood on wobbly legs, and Russ held her, standing behind, not knowing what she was about to do.

When she saw the nurse grab the edge of the light sheet, she placed her own hand atop his.

"Please", she swallowed, her voice low and husky, "let me", the man dropped the fabric, which she instantly took in her long fingers.

She slowly started raising it, scrunching her eyes as her hand did its task. She inhaled deeply, and opened broken blue eyes, and bent, kissing his forehead before covering his face with the sheet, hands shaking as she released the fabric.

"You can… take him now", she said, and they nodded, carefully moving his body until they had him on the gurney.

Her eyes never left his form, only Russ's arms behind her keeping her on her legs, as the orderlies took his covered form away.

Then, she turned in Russ´ arms, and started sobbing again. He closed his eyes, "You have me, Tempe. You're not alone", he said, over and over again, as she cried, haunting sobs that made the people outside shudder, her pain touching them like a physical blow.

After long minutes, she raised tired, swollen eyes to her brother. "Could you take me home?", she said, and he just pressed a soft kiss against her forehead as he nodded.

He walked her outside, and just now she noticed the group of people, and the pain they were feeling on her behalf.

But what killed her was the look in Booth's eyes. She pursed her lips and sighed, her heart breaking at the sight of Hannah perched on his arm, her beautiful face showing sympathy and concern.

It was true, she couldn't hate her. She was a good woman, and the fact that she was so sympathetic towards her gave her a calmness in knowing Booth had chosen well.

"You didn't have to come", she saw their hurt expressions, "But I'm thankful you're here", she quickly said, her voice paused and broken, "I'm very thankful you're trying to make me feel… like I'm not alone", her eyes filled with more tears, making them a deep crystal blue, "I will always be thankful, I don't deserve you", she said, and turning a heartbroken gaze to Booth, she added, "Any of you", she sighed.

"Sweetie, we're here for you. Whatever you need, Bren", she closed her eyes, and let out a shuddering sigh as she inhaled.

"Thanks, Ange. But you have to go home. You have to take care of yourself, and… the baby. I'll be ok, and much more calm if I know you're taking good care of yourself, ok?", Angela nodded tearfully.

"Cam", she stared at the doctor, seeing for the first time how much she understood her, "The lab has to continue working. You… You should make sure nothing is wrong, ok? We can't afford people questioning you again", she said, and it touched everyone that she was putting their needs before her own.

She swallowed. This was the hardest. "Booth. You should go to the Hoover and explain why this case won't be solved as fast as others. I don't want them questioning you, or thinking you're getting sloppy on the job, ok? And I guess Hannah has some huge thing to go to, you told me she had a conference she couldn't miss", she lowered her eyes, "I appreciate the effort it took for you to get here, I truly do", she said, and they saw how her tears never stopped falling.

"Tempe, we should go. I have to take you home, and I have to fix… his funeral", he cringed at how stiff her body got at the mention.

Jack instantly intervened, "Man, just take care of Dr. B., and let me deal with the rest. I´ll make sure everything is ready", Russ turned grateful eyes on him.

"Really?", Jack nodded "You have no idea what that means", they shook hands.

Booth felt helpless. He saw the unsteadiness in her body, but mostly, those eyes devoid of life, but mostly, of hope. He didn't know what to do without risking his own relationship with Hannah, or hurting her more in the process.

For a moment, their eyes met, and he was awe struck at the raw vulnerability there.

"Let's go", Russ said, and she went willingly, like a zombie, just letting him lead her.

Angela broke down against Jack, "I've never seen Bren like that. My God, what is going to happen to her?", she said, and Jack, teary-eyed as well, replied, "I only hope she's strong enough. She's always been the strongest of us".

But in the back of their minds, they knew her strength had just been tested to its limits.

**I already said it, I completely love Max, but for the sake of our favorite B´s, I guess this was it.**

**It was so hard to write, but I can only hope you understand why I chose this course of action, and that I earn your forgiveness as I post.**


	5. And the storm finally touches ground

**First of all, as usual, I own nothing. Fox, Hart Hanson and Kathy Reichs do.**

**Second: guys, I'm truly overwhelmed by the response this little fic has gotten. I know it might have been sad and difficult to read, but I promise, everything will be fixed, in due time.**

**I thought of taking the time to give you my heartfelt appreciation:**

**So:**

**Tamile, Icaunau, Butterfliesandmudpies, Tiggerface, alaicestar, DWBBFan, Boothlur, Steffi1008, Bonesluver25, nrthwstrn14, smudje, Bellaono, jill417, sarl24, Ifawishofwonder, BrieBee, Ale86, DD2, Boneslady, JavaJunkie4eVa, danagirl14, celticsketches, spookynidia, drco, anon, Seoirse, Stephanie, amylove15, Brensfan, my-completeness, lil' Boothy, Mayabi Yoruno, bluems, latrinca, meclone2, hallee-bear, siphonsoul, reymoriii, jess5229, lilamb09, outboundhat, shilo51, InOminiaParatus1981, mayakasti, jhi1005, boneslady, Sam, mynicholle, Meg… (wipes forehead!)**

**I thank you all, those who have reviewed, those who had added me and this story to their alerts… for taking the time, and patience, to bear with my sadistic, painful ways… I'll do my best to make this worth your while…**

**The angst continues, but continue to hope…**

Russ had driven them to her place, and he took her keys while she looked like a zombie, silent, just letting him do, too exhausted physically and emotionally to engage in any sort of conversation, just needing to rest on her bed, and close her eyes.

"Tempe, do you want anything?", she just stared blankly ahead as she sat on her couch, and shook her head in denial, knowing how worried he was about her.

He kneeled before her, his hand clasping hers, "Tempe. I mean what I said. You have me", only then she fixed her pained eyes on his, and cupped his cheek tenderly, "You have your life, Russ. Amy, the girls… You need to worry about them, not me", she said.

"NO, Tempe! You need me. He… He was my dad too", he said, his eyes also filled with pain, and she embraced him tightly, knowing his pain was as real as her own, "I know you miss him too, but fortunately, you have a family, and they will help you in ways I don't know how", she said.

"Don´t say that, Tempe. You´re my baby sister, and no matter what I want to be here for you, it doesn't matter if I have Amy and the girls, I love you, and I want to look out for you", he said, and she just leaned her head on his shoulder, while he put his arms around her, both sharing the same pain, the same desolation. They embraced for a long time, letting their closeness console somehow their loss.

When he finally let her go, she kissed his cheek, and said, "I think I'll go to bed, ok?", he nodded, and watched her stand and walk towards her room, clearly struggling to keep her balance, but he refrained from following her, knowing she needed the space.

She had traded her work clothes for some black silky pj's. She felt icy cold, and not even 3 covers would warm her. She was shaking, badly, and memories started to hit her, making her remember times when she didn't know what pain truly meant.

"_Look honey, you put the mints into the neck of the bottle. One by one", a large hand covering her little fingers as she carefully did as instructed, "Yeah, baby. Slowly. No one is rushing us", he said tenderly against her auburn curls, kissing her hair._

"_Like that, Daddy?", she turned huge blue eyes to him, and he smiled gently, "Yes, exactly like that, baby girl", he said, and she bit her lower lip in anticipation._

"_Now, we stand back", he said, and placed a hand against her chest, taking a few steps back, her body cradled against his legs, "and now we wait", suddenly something snapped and a huge current of cola rushed towards the ceiling, making her giggle excitedly, jumping up and down._

"_We did it, Daddy! We did it", she said, and he scooped her up, "We sure did, baby", she smiled brightly._

"_I love you, Daddy", she said, and he held her to his chest lovingly, "And I love you, my sweet baby girl. You're going to make me so proud", he said, and she turned adoring eyes on him, "Do you think so?", and with all the seriousness he could find for a 4-year old, he stated, "You're going to be the brightest, most beautiful woman in the entire world", and she didn't question the truth in his statement. He was her dad, her hero, her protector. He had never lied, and he never would._

Her body shook as she remembered. His strong hand leading her to her first day of preschool, how he held her when she told him of the pranks her piers did on her, how she would sleep between both of them when she got scared after a nightmare, their warm bodies and loving embrace lulling her to speak.

No one had been able understand why their leaving had changed her so much, but it was the knowledge of the love that had left her that had made her lose her faith.

She caressed the ring her mother had passed on to her.

"Why did you have to leave me all alone?", she held her pillow, and cried until her body couldn't take it anymore, and then she cried some more.

Morning came, and the sun was nowhere to be seen, matching her gloomy disposition. She hadn't slept a single minute, and her eyes were swollen and red from her tears.

Russ knocked carefully, and entered, seeing her facing the window, and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Tempe, dad wasn't religious or anything, and we were all he had", he started, "Jack fixed everything, and I told him you wouldn't want a long funeral or service", she just stared ahead, "They have him at a funeral home next to the cemetery, but only until 2. Then, we can bury him", he said, " I didn't know you had purchased a lot for him next to mom's", he said, and she just nodded.

"Yes. I did, after I buried mom, since I didn't know what had happened, and fearing his bones were all I would find, I decided to buy a whole lot. For them, and for us. Family should stay together, even if it's only in death", Russ smiled indulgently.

"That was very good of you, and I appreciate it, Tempe", he said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

She sighed, "I should get ready then", he nodded and went to leave her room, reading her need to be alone again.

"Russ?", he turned and faced her, "I know I'm not the best sister, but never forget how much I love you. You're my big brother", he groaned and walked to her bed, instantly scooping her in his arms, "And you're my baby sister. And I adore you. And you're not a bad anything. If you're this way, it's our fault", she sobbed against his shoulder, basking in the protectiveness she could feel coming from him.

After long moments, she raised her head, and sniffled, "I should take a shower, I feel… soiled", he nodded, and brushed the bangs from her face. "I'll make you some breakfast", he said, and left her.

She rummaged her closet, and found a beautiful dress she had never worn before. It was white, and it had a little black lace top, she knew it would hug her trim waist perfectly. It was beautiful, and soft, the way Max would have loved to see her. Feminine and sweet. She found some black and white heels which would match, and underwear to go accordingly.

She entered her bathroom, and mechanically removed everything, and stepped under the hot spray, her hands resting against the cold tiles, the water hitting her, her mind filled with more and more memories.

She stayed under the spray until the water turned icy cold. She dried herself, and blow dried her hair, somehow fixing it into the soft locks she knew Max had loved.

She remembered sleeping on his chest as a little girl, his fingers playing idly with her curls, lulling her to sleep when she was too stubborn and refused to go to bed.

She looked at her reflection. Her skin was chalky white, and her eyes were red-rimmed, dark shadows, testament to the night of sleeplessness and tears, and she went to pick her makeup kit to hide the evidence, but tiredly set it down. Why bother? No one cared anyway.

She went to her room, and put on her underwear and clothes, and a delicate silver necklace, his last gift to her. She gave herself one look. She indeed looked like someone who had lost everything, which was exactly how she felt.

She took a light black sweater, fitting the rest of her clothes, and exited her room.

Russ had already put on a dark suit, looking grave and older than he was. She guessed she had aged about a thousand years overnight, much like she had.

Silently, she took his arms, and they closed the door behind them.

The drive was silent, but somewhat peaceful. She was aware of Russ' watchful eye on her. She knew he was worried she hadn't eaten a single thing, not even water, and his concern was visible, but at this moment, he couldn't bring himself to force-feed her.

He helped her out the car, and they walked the few feet that separated them from the place where Max's coffin was. When they entered, they could see the room where his casket lay was filled with people, who they recognized as her friends and interns. Cam, Jack, Angela, Daisy, Sweets looking very grownup, Vincent Nigel-Murray, Fisher, and Wendell.

She took Russ' hand, and walked to them. She could see the flower arrangements they had sent, and smiled gratefully. Seeing her father's grave so empty would have been painful. Her heart clenched as she realized Booth was nowhere to be seen.

Cam hugged her, "Dr. Brennan, I don't even know what to say", she just nodded against her boss' shoulder, "Being here is enough. Thank you Cam", she said gratefully.

Afterwards, it was Jack´s turn, who just held her, "I know how you're feeling, Dr. B. We're here for you", she nodded, and let his arms embrace her.

Then came Angela, "Sweetie", she let her tears fall now as she let her friend feel her warmth and love, "I know how much this hurts. But no matter what you think, you have us. I know your heart is breaking, but I won't leave you, ok?", she nodded and smiled through her tears.

Then came the rest, and she felt how sincere they were, and how concerned they were about her, and she was surprised so many people were worried about her wellbeing, their kindness not only towards her, but towards her brother touched her deeply.

Suddenly, she felt the air shift, and she couldn't help but chuckle, as Caroline entered, her usual lively manner usually tuned down to suit the situation, a look of sympathy on her face, "Man, that man did things his way! He had to go out like a real, honest-to-God hero", Temperance nodded, and uncharacteristically of Caroline, she hugged the anthropologist tenderly, speaking in her ear,

"I have to say, I was never glad to lose a case until I met you. I know how this hurts, Chèrie, but you've always pulled through. I know you will continue to make that damn crook proud, wherever he is", she smiled tearfully, and sighed against Caroline' shoulder.

She saw people engaged in chatter, but she could feel their eyes on her, following her every move. She thought she was being foolish, but she couldn't look at the casket in front of her, it was making it too raw, too real.

She felt a presence in the room, and knew he was were.

She raised tired eyes, and saw him. He was wearing all black, which was not costumary of him, but made him look…. Well… perfect. He approached her after greeting everybody, and crouched before her, his hand reaching for hers, warm and reassuring.

"How you holding up?", he said, his hands holding hers. She hated herself for finding so much comfort in his touch. She couldn't deny his arms were the only ones she was craving to feel, and his comfort the only one she needed, because she knew he would make it all ok.

"Barely", she said through tears, her smile belittling the despair on her face, and he instantly raised one hand to trace her cheekbone, making her close her eyes, basking in his presence.

"Temperance, I'm so sorry", her heart was crushed when she heard the voice of the woman that was now _his world._

She opened her eyes, and replied, "Thank you, Hannah. It was kind of you to come", she smiled politely, the very picture of composure.

"Seeley hesitated of bringing me, but hey, if we're going to be friends, I need to be a friend, and be close to you. And I know Seeley cares a lot about you, so I care too. His things are my things too, and more now", she saw the innocence of a woman who had probably led a happy live, with family and friends. And she yearned for the woman she could have been if life hadn't decided to ruin everything for her.

"I appreciate it", she turned her gaze on him, "It was very kind of you to come", she said, and he could see how devoid of life she truly was.

Their eyes met, and for a second, they were back. She could see the unspoken forgiveness he was asking of her for bringing someone who didn't truly belong to their family, and she just squeezed his hand. His eyes were filled with pain, _for her, _and she saw how many things he wanted to say, things that were only for them, but that now had to remain in the silence that seemed to loom over them. Her eyes were soft, and he could read she wasn´t truly angry at him, but filled with pain, and finally he could see part of that pain had his name written all over.

Everything was screaming at him to comfort her, love her, make her feel like she was not alone, but she had decided that would never be. _They _would never be. And now he felt like the world's biggest jackass, for in that moment he could read she thought he had given up on her.

"Tempe?", Russ' voice interrupted the moment, "It's time".

She inhaled tiredly, and looking into his eyes, she unclasped their hands, her eyes getting that shade of gray that told him just how heartbroken she truly was, and with the last bit of resolve, she tensed her shoulders and nodded. "Let's do this then".

They were all standing before the grave, silently watching how the men lowered the coffin to the ground.

Russ was standing next to her, but he was sobbing quietly, no longer able to remain strong, his pain visible to everyone. The squints were behind them, Angela and Cam crying softly, all of them pained to see their leader so torn.

She took one of the roses that were laid to put above the coffin, and stared at it. Red and perfect, filled with long thorns.

A sudden noise, the creak of the machines starting to lower the coffin into the Earth made them all cringe. Everyone's eyes were fixed on her more than on the coffin itself, and they gasped as they saw her crunch the flower in her hands, until they saw a steady flow of blood coat her fingers, her hands fisted in front of her, not even minding that the blood was staining her dress, scarlet drops falling from her hands, her body tense, like a bow about to snap in half, her chest raising and falling rapidly, like she couldn't get enough air inside.

At that moment, the sky seemed to open, and foreseeing the weather, they all opened their umbrellas, the downpour sudden but expected. They had all paired to take refuge, and Cam, who was standing alone, took a step closer to the grave and provided shelter for Russ. He went to pick Temperance's arm, but she took a step further away, rain soaking her. They were shocked, but could do nothing as she kneeled before the Earth, not minding that the rain had already made everything muddy and slippery, soiling her dress and legs. She discarded the rose, and took a handful of Earth in her bloodied hands, and fisted it, and stood, her pale knees now filled with the mud, the rain washing everything away.

Booth wished he could be there, by her side, and his eyes filled with tears. In that moment, he realized he had been fooling his heart into believing Hannah could ever replace her. Her pain was his, her sorrow felt like his own, and he wanted to turn her and tell her she truly wasn't alone, and that she was loved. That he hadn't given up on her. That for a moment, he had truly believed he had moved on, but that he had failed, because there could only be her. That he loved Hannah, but that he loved her more, that the piece of his soul she had taken he would never get back.

They all waited until the coffin was at the bottom of the ground, and when the gravedigger was about to throw the first shovel, she just raised her hand, and halted his motions. He lowered his shovel to the ground, and waited. She walked towards the hole, and Russ thought of stopping her, but knew she needed this.

"Bye, Daddy. We'll see each other soon", she raised her hand above the coffin, and let the muddy soil fail from her hands to the wood with a thud, her body falling to the ground, rain falling heavily around them, like the sky was intent on matching her tears.

She started sobbing, and lowered her head against her chest, "Daddy, daddy", was all she said, and everyone was crying with her now.

Cam held Russ' hand, feeling the tension there. He sighed deeply, and turned grateful eyes to Cam before he approached her, "Tempe, come on. You're going to make yourself sick", he stood behind her, and touched her shoulder, trying to help her up, but she strongly brushed his hands away, shaking her head.

"Let me, Russ. Let me be here. With them", she said, as both their eyes went to the grave next to them, their mother's grave. "I want to be here", she added softly, and Russ understood what she was saying, but prodded a bit more.

"But Tempe, this is not good for you. Let me take you home", he said brokenly, but she just kept her eyes fixed on the men covering the coffin as they shoveled more and more soil on top of it.

Russ lowered his gaze, and turned on his heels towards the group standing a few steps behind, and approaching them, he said, "She won't leave. And honestly, I don't have the heart to force her. It's best if we all leave", he said, and Angela gasped.

"But Russ, how can we leave her like that?", she said, and they all turned their eyes on her, kneeling on the soil, the rain soaking her to the core, her eyes vacant.

"How can I take her away? We know her, and it's best if we don't fight her. I guess we better leave", he said and they all stood there, lost in thought, until Booth's voice broke the silence.

"You're right, Russ. It's best if you leave. I'll stay", he said determinedly, and instantly turned to Hannah, who had a small frown on her face, knowing she needed an explanation on why he wasn't respecting her wishes to be left alone.

"Baby, she's my partner, and I don't want to leave her alone, and honestly, we all know I'm the only one she can't drive away; I know if someone doesn't stay with her, the squints won't leave either, and we'll have a whole lab filled with pneumonia-ridden geniuses, so please, go home. I'll meet you there", her frown didn't disappear, and he tried to soothe her. He knew it wasn't jealousy, just concern.

"Baby, please understand. Bones and I have been friends for 5, 6 years, and partners have each other's backs, ok?", her frown eased a bit, "Don't worry. You just go home, and I'll be there in a little while", she nodded, and kissed him softly on the lips. He returned the kiss briefly.

He turned his eyes on everyone, "Guys, go home, and I'll give you the heads up if something happens, ok?", they looked at him, doubt on their eyes, but after saying goodbye, they finally left them alone.

He stood behind her, rain soaking him now, but he didn't even notice, his eyes fixed on the solitary figure kneeling on the muddy ground.

The men finished their task, and he shared some nods with them, not needing words. They turned on their heels, taking their instruments with them, and finally left.

Minutes passed, and she didn't move an inch. Just now he noticed the little things. How the blood from her hands and the mud had dirtied her dress. Even with the rain soaking her skin, he could see now the dark circles under her eyes.

"You should have gone home, Booth. You have nothing to do here", her voice was soft and broken, defeated.

And something broke inside him when he finally was able to accept he had been the one to strike the final, fatal blow.

**Musie is greedy, musie gets happy when she gets reviews… **

**(kidding), no really, what I want to know is if you liked or hated it, if you found anything to make it better… Whatever you want to say…**

**So you know the drill…**


	6. Starting to face the aftermath of guilt

**First, the usual official yada yada… I own nothing… **

**DD2, brensfan, mynicholle, lilamb09, amylove15, Stephanie, maggymoo21, c3rd, AuntieDee, Mistreated and Forgotten, jaamember, gamma13, either for reviewing or adding me to your alerts… **

**Musie is thankful, and even if she wants to know what you ALL think, she wants to reward you, and give you the continuation… This conversation I can tell you want to read!**

He cringed at her words, but stepped closer, "I couldn't leave you alone here", he said, his voice filled with the love he had always felt for her, the love he had denied he still felt, and she closed her eyes, needing him away, not wanting to face again the possibility of even more heartbreak.

She scoffed tearfully, "Why do you bother? I'm not your problem anymore, Booth. Now I'm truly alone, and it's best if I start dealing with that fact as soon as possible", she said, not even turning to face him, her voice desperate and edgy.

"Bones!", he said, startled at the finality in her tone, but mostly, pained at hearing the hopelessness there, "You know that's not true. You have me. You'll always have me", he said softly, but with enough strength not to let the rain muffle his voice.

"No, Booth", she said, and with a pained groan, she finally stood on her feet, and slowly turned to face him, the rain filling the space between them, "You and I both know that's not true. That stopped being true the moment I said no to you, to us. I'm already resigned to the fact that I'm going to spend my entire life alone, and the sooner I accept it, the sooner I'll be able to go back to my normal self", his eyes filled with tears at the sight of her, seeing her own eyes pooling with tears, "I don't need you trying to comfort me with lies, when we both know our lives are on very different paths right now. Hannah is your life. And that's what I always wanted for you. Your happiness. It's not supposed to hurt me, but please", her voice broke, "Let me grieve", she sobbed, "Let me grieve, let me mourn, let me accept that I've lost everything I've ever loved", she raised her eyes to the sky, and closed her eyes, heavy raindrops hitting her face, "Let me fade away. Slowly. Peacefully. This time, I don't need you pulling me back. All of you are better off without me", she said, softly, her words making him want to throw up. What had he done?

"Bones", he took the few steps, and breached the distance between them, "None of us would be better off. _I _wouldn't be better off. Ever. We need you", he said, "I need you".

"What's the point, Booth?", she replied, "It's over", they faced each other, and he could see every ounce of defeat in her blue eyes.

In a split second, all the important moments of their time together came rushing in, when they found her mother's remains, or when she killed Howard Epps' accomplice to save him, when she saved him from Ghallagher, or when Taffet took them both… Thousands of little moments, of huge moments, which had changed them irrevocably.

"It's not over, Bones", he said, taking a step closer to her, and her eyes were filled with despair as she fixed them on his brown eyes.

"How can you say it isn't over, Booth? I hurt you, but I hurt myself in the process as well. We spent almost a year away from each other, and you found the love you so badly wanted, the love I denied you. And while you might have the strength to move on, now I'm the one who doesn't. You should be happy", she said sarcastically and tearfully, "You got me to believe in something I never thought was real only to turn your back when I finally did. I know", she said, seeing his hurt expression, "It's all my fault. I never even considered that you would wait for me, but forgive me if it hurts to know that again, we missed our chance, and that it's all because of me, and that you found your forever. Forgive me if I feel myself dying when I know I just buried the last man who loved me, who never gave up on me, even if he abandoned me. I should be used to it, Booth. People walking out on me. Logically", she scoffed, "I would have to assume the problem lies within me. But I'm not your problem anymore. You made your choice, and rightfully so, and I have to deal with that. So, go home, Booth. Go to your 30, 40 or 50 years. You deserve them", she said brokenly, and inhaled, like breathing was a feat in itself, "I would appreciate it if you left. I want to be here", she said, and turning her back to him again, she kneeled by the ground. "On my own. Better get used to the fact, shouldn't I?"

His heart broke with every word she said, knowing it was true and deserved. He had promised he would never leave her, and in that moment, even if they were still partners, he could see how she would interpret everything he had done since his return as a departure, as his finally giving up on her.

No more late dinners, no more after-case drinks, no more late nights working on paperwork. He couldn't even say she was unfair in her assumptions, because they were right. And seeing her so broken, so lonely, he realized in a way, they had all contributed for this, but his part had been the largest.

She had been screaming for help, but they had all been deaf and blind to her pleas, to her cries for salvation.

He stood right behind her, but even if her stiff posture told him she had acknowledged him, she didn't move a muscle. "Bones, you're not alone. Even if I've behaved like the worst partner, like the worst friend you could ever have, I'm still here".

On the ground, feeling the cold rain soak her literally to the bones, she started shaking, and shook her head.

"You might be still with me, but you've left me all alone. But I don't blame you. I think", she said, her pale, muddied hand caressing the cold marble of her mother's grave, "Had I been in your shoes, I would have given up on me years ago, so I can only say thanks for not deserting me sooner. But enough is enough, Booth", she said, her shoulders falling, "You might be right in hating me for hurting you, you might be completely entitled to your happiness, but please", she sobbed, "Don't throw it to my face anymore. If you want to be happy, be happy. Just the thought of everything I've lost is torture enough", she groaned as she got on her feet, and brushed off the helping hand he extended her way, and turned to face him again.

"Please, if it's true that I ever meant anything to you, if you truly, even if it was in its smallest measurement, ever loved me, don't torture me anymore", she said, and saw his eyes fill with tears, his gaze dark and haunted, the rain soaking him, his chiseled jaw tight with tension, "I don't know…", she rasped out, "How I´m breathing", she scrunched her eyes shut, the tears falling down her cheeks, her face a perfect picture of pain and desolation, "And how I'm going to survive? It's a mystery. So, the sooner I accept I'll have no one to pull me back, I'll be able to find some type of… ", she opened her eyes, "normalcy, or whatever you might call it. Rest assured", she swallowed hard, "Your career and our work won't be affected".

He shook his head and stood right in front of her, so close she could even feel his body heat, even if not a part of their bodies was touching, the air crackling with the same electricity that was filling the sky, "Do you really think that's my main concern now?", he said.

"What I think", she said, "What I _know", _she corrected, "Is that you're a good man, someone who doesn't deserve much of what life has thrown your way. What I want is for you to reach out and grasp the fate you've worked for. What I want is that when you think back of me, you don't have to hate me for all that I stole from you. I would love so much to be able to hate you", both their faces filled with heartbreak at her words, "For making me feel, for making me unable to function without you. But I can't", she stared pleadingly at him, "I can't hate you, but I can't be near you. If I do…", he could see the tremors in her body as she spoke, "That might be the end of me. Just… believe me when I say that if there was someone who changed me, it was you, even if I tried so hard not to let you in. Leave me my walls, Booth", she could see the despair in his eyes, "They're all I have now".

He couldn't stop his hand from rising and cupping her cold cheek, the texture satiny and perfect against his thumb, and she just lowered her head, unable to meet his gaze anymore. "You're wrong, Bones", he said tearfully, "You're wrong. It's not over", he said forcefully, and moved his hands to her forearms, grabbing her almost painfully, and bent his head, "It could never be over between us".

She read his intention, she heard the longing in his voice, and how hurt he was, and shook her head, his lips so close to hers she could feel his warm breath against her sensitive skin, "No Booth. If we do this", she turned pleading eyes on him, "You'll kill me. I deserve it, I know", she sobbed, "But if there's one shred of mercy in your heart for me, let me go", his hands instantly released her, feeling empty the moment they let go of the silky satiny skin. She saw his darkened eyes, she saw how he was taking the blame for her pain, how he was regretting his choice to give himself a chance to move on, even if it had been the right one.

"Please, Booth", she said, "Go to Hannah. She must be worried. I'll…", she sighed, "I'll stay here for a little longer", he could only nod, unable to say a single word, feeling like someone had taken his heart in a vice grip and crushed it.

"Bones, I…", she placed a trembling hand against his lips, and shook her head, "No, Booth. Sorry is too small a word for what we've done to each other. And there's nothing to forgive, at least on my part, though I know there's a world of pain I'll have to atone for. Don't feel sorry for trying to be happy. You've waited so long for it, and I gave you nothing to hope for".

He tried to dislodge the lump from around his throat, but found he couldn't. If he stayed another minute, all of his resolve would melt with the rain, and he would force her to accept him, and she would build her walls even higher than before.

So he turned on his heels, and started walking away. But when he was a few meters away, he saw her, her face upturned towards the sky, her hands dejectedly placed by her sides, her dress a complete and utter mess, and yet she had never looked more beautiful to him. A fallen angel, the image of beauty, not even the mud clinging to her skin, not even the broken eyes could make him see her as less of what she was to him. His picture of perfection.

He swallowed and went to his SUV, but he was certain he had left another chunk of himself with the woman that had finally let the weight of the world crush her.

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_At Booth's apartment._

They had all decided to wait for Booth at his place. Hannah had invited them all, saying she understood how rightfully concerned they were for Temperance, and since they would be waiting for news on her, and Seeley had stayed to stand guard, she knew they would only be calm when he came back. They were grateful she understood, and took her on her offer.

Hannah and Cam had gone to his kitchen, and fixed coffee and some pastries, unable to stomach something heavier.

They were chatting, all of them unable to stand the weight of the silence threatening to make them break, when the door opened and one Seeley Booth, drenched to the core, entered.

His clothes were plastered to his body, outlining every muscle, his hair was matted against his hair, but it was not his posture, but the look of overwhelming sadness in his dark eyes that gave them the real scope of the situation.

Hannah instantly rushed to him, embracing him, not minding that he was getting her wet.

He held her against him, his eyes closing as he inhaled her perfume, trying to rid himself of the smell of the wet soil and rain, but mostly, the smell of her despair.

"Baby, are you ok?", Hannah asked, looking him over, concerned for his well-being.

He smiled, though it came out sad and broken, and nodded, "I'm ok", she looked disbelieving and he just bent to kiss her chastely, needing to forget the huge elephant sitting on his chest, making it impossible to breathe.

Just then, his eyes took in the group sitting on his living room: Cam, Jack and Angela, Sweets and Daisy, clearly waiting for news on their fallen leader.

Of course, it was Angela took the lead, "Booth, where's Bren?", her eyes filled with worry for her best friend.

"I… I'm sorry, Ange, but I couldn't convince her to leave", they all looked outraged

"Seeley, you left Dr. Brennan in a cemetery, in the middle of a storm, _by herself?", _he could hear Cam's disappointment, and couldn't blame her, them, if they made him responsible for what had happened, because he knew that indeed, he was.

"We talked", he said, while Hannah helped him remove his sodden jacket, while he discarded his wet shoes and socks, his body cringing at the feel of the cold floor on them, "And she said some things. I know you won't believe me, but she needed to stay there.".

"Dude, Dr. B just lost her old man, you're her partner, how's this looking out for her?", Booth was surprised by Jack's fierce protectiveness towards her, but it shouldn't have surprised him since they shared a rare bond ever since they almost died together.

"Hodgins, I begged her to let me stay, but she wouldn't let me. She said… some things. And he only thing I can tell you is that… We can't rush her. Russ was right, she'll come to us when she's ready", seeing Angela's hesitation, he went to her, placing his hands on her shoulders, "Ange, I didn't desert her, but we got to understand she needs some space. It hurts, I know", he said, a hand going to caress her long brown curls, "That she would rather be by herself than with her family, but we have to let her heal how she feels it's best, ok?", Angela nodded tiredly.

"By the way, where _is _Russ?", he asked, noticing he wasn't among the people that had come back to his place.

"He went to Brennan's apartment", Cam said, as she took her seat again, "To wait for her when she comes back", Booth nodded.

"Come on, baby", Hannah said lovingly, "You need to get out of these wet clothes, and take a warm shower. I don't want you getting sick, ok?", he nodded, and with a tilt of his head, he went to his bedroom.

He stripped himself of his clothes, while Hannah took them and placed them in her arm, and stepped on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, "I'll go wash these, ok? You stand beneath that shower, and you'll feel better. I'll go make something for everyone, no use in starving", he smiled reassuringly, letting her know he would do as instructed, not having the heart to tell her that not the warmest shower or most delicious meal could ease the hollowness inside.

He opened the shower curtain, and stepped inside, letting the warm water hit him almost painfully. He knew it was foolish, but it was like he was trying to punish himself with bodily pain, like he was trying to match her own pain.

_What have I done?, _was his only thought. He had vowed to protect her, and in turn, he had destroyed her soul. And also his.

The woman he had left back at the cemetery had no fight left. The Temperance Brennan who always pulled through was nowhere to be found.

And it was because even with all of their love, they hadn't had the heart to open themselves to the truth.

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They had shared a peaceful, yet sorrowful meal, remembering Max, his crooked way of showing his love, but not one of them able to deny that despite his mistakes, if there was something he had done to its fullest, was loving his baby girl.

It was almost 10 when everyone left, and Booth couldn't fight the nagging feeling that something was very wrong. He had heard it in everyone's voices, all of them hoping they could hear from her already, but aware she had pleaded to them to leave her deal with things in her own way.

He went to bed, but kept his cell phone within reach in case _she called. _He needed to know she was fine, that she would survive. She was a fighter, she had to.

Hannah rested her head on his chest, her hand tightly clasping his, also awake, like she was keeping him company.

"Baby?", her sweet voice broke his thoughts, and he bent his head to stare into her emerald green eyes, "Yes?", he replied.

"I'm amazed at the level of loyalty and friendship you all showed Temperance today. I mean, you work together, but the way you tried to support her, how concerned you were… It's unbelievable", he sighed.

"Hannah, we are not just her coworkers. We are not even her friends. We are her family. It might appear weird, but we've been there for each other through very difficult things. When she and Hodgins were taken, when I was kidnapped, when Max went to trial…", his voice took a faraway tone, "We lean on each other, and when one of us is down, all of us are right on the ground with them", he said, and Hannah nodded, her soft hand caressing his jaw.

"You're really sad, aren't you?", he frowned, "For her. It must have hurt seeing her so broken. I've realized you are indeed more than partners", he ordered his voice to remain steady when he replied, not wanting to display the depth of his feelings for his partner.

"We have saved each other, Hannah, more than once. And yes, it hurts to see a friend so torn", he pursed his lips, "And Max? Even if he was a criminal, he loved her. He even let me arrest him so she knew he wouldn't abandon her again", Hannah nodded sympathetically, "And he was a good guy, in his own I-will-kill-anyone-who-hurts-my family kind of way, but he was a good, honorable man. I haven't had the heart to tell Parker yet", Hannah seemed confused, "He and Bones tutor him, in science, ever since I refrained from enrolling Parker in private school", Hannah's frown eased.

"Poor little guy", she said, and he could see she truly meant it, "If he has your kind heart, he will be very sad", Booth nodded.

"He's a kid, and I have to find a way to explain so that it doesn't…", he stared at the ceiling.

"Baby, everything will be fine. You're an amazing dad, and you'll find the right way to tell him this. And Temperance? She seems to be very strong, and I'm certain that once the initial shock passes, she'll move on", he just kissed her forehead, unable to tell her that there was no way she could be put back together, because he had been the one to crush the pieces beyond repair.

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His dreams were filled with horrid images. Of her dying, of her leaving the Jeffersonian, all in all, images of their lives broken beyond repair.

Cam had given everyone the day off, and Cullen had extended the courtesy to him, saying that anyway it would be of no use if the lab would be vacant.

So, he had just wandered his apartment, letting Hannah make him breakfast, and cuddle with him on the couch, her hands caressing him and soothing him. But with every touch, his guilt grew because he knew that while he had Hannah, she had no one to take care of her this way. Russ would have to leave eventually, and she would be faced with the crushing weight of her loneliness.

His cell phone rang, and he instantly opened it, recognizing the number as Russ'.

"Hey, Russ. How's everything?", he asked, trying to sound vague, knowing the man would understand the question behind.

"Booth, I'm at Bethesda", his ran blood cold, and he instantly stood, startling Hannah.

"What happened?", he said, walking to his room, pulling at the string of his sweatpants, to change into jeans, a confused Hannah trailing behind, Russ' distraught voice immediately telling him there was something very wrong.

"It's Tempe, Booth", Russ said, "They have her, at the psych ward", Booth's heart practically stopped, almost dropping the phone from where he had it against his shoulder, trying to talk to him and change his clothes, and he could hear Russ trying to hold back tears, "She's on suicide watch, Booth".

**Bit of a cliffie, I know, but I promise, the only character I will kill is already dead (Sniffles for Max!) (Stephanie, good for guessing the path I was leading this too… Big, hard push for our Booth!) **

**Hope the conversation between them was everything you hoped for (and I'm hiding in case rotten tomatoes are coming my way!)**

**Trust I will make everything good… **


	7. Hope lightning in the dark

**Wow, I've got to say you've humbled me. I know, I know, you hate Booth and she should ditch his sorry behind (hehehe) so he learns his lessons, but I can't help but continue to love him. I think he did have the right to move on, but perhaps he has been harsh in the way he's made her feel like he's not even there for her anymore! (Let's get real, guys, many times people entering a relationship neglect their friends a bit to invest themselves in their significant others, not that I like how Booth has been treating our Bren in the show… sniffles)**

**Second, thanks to everyone who has been here, who has reviewed or added me to your alerts! I've got to say it again, you make my day!**

**Alishka, my-completeness, Boneslady, DD2, drco, meg, Without pain there is no love, LondonLi, k-tap, GibbsIsMyGod, SouthunLady, dana, mynicholle, Butterfliesandmudpies, jhi1005, anon, amylove15, JavaJunkie4eVa, gamma13, elphaba, Jennifer Carter, maggymoo21, Stephanie, Silver-Ashes, Castiel4Dean, GOT GOD, Megean, supergirlhero, nayacorr, ScullyRocks, booba88, isinla, Jimminy, jennytarheel, kaloblack, happypandabear, lawyergirl0721, heartsjaded, Dr. B… A superhuge thank you!**

**Musie is very happy, so she gives you this! Hope you like!**

"She tried to…", Russ choked on his tears, and Booth's eyes filled with tears of his own, but his voice was solid when he replied, "I'll be there", and closed his phone, finishing the task of putting on clothes.

Hannah instantly went to him, "What happened, babe?", he traded his t-shirt for a black dress shirt to match the black jeans he had put on while taking to Russ. He zipped himself up, and buttoned his shirt while he searched for his black sneakers.

"Bones… she's at the hospital", Hannah gasped, and instantly went to search for clothes on her own.

"Hannah… baby", he said, and she turned, a light green top and faded jeans on her hand, confused at why he was stopping her, "I appreciate so much that you want to go, but I think it's best if I go alone", she frowned, and he approached her and held her against him, "Baby, I truly don't know what's wrong, and Bones asked me yesterday to give her some space. I'm going because Russ called, he knows I'm her partner, and that I'm as worried as him about her, now I need to check things out first, and if everything is fine, then I'll call you and you can come, ok?", she looked doubtful, but nodded.

He finished dressing, took his cell, jacket, weapon and keys, and pressed a chaste kiss against her lips, "Thanks, baby, for understanding", she smiled hesitantly, and hugged him, a part of her not understanding why when he held her against his chest, she felt the sudden need to cry.

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He broke his own work ethics, using his siren for something personal, without a single drop of guilt. This was about Bones, so ethics be damned.

He entered the hospital, flashing his badge at a nurse, who instantly refrained from asking him to move the SUV, and asked her where the psych ward was.

He took the elevator to the 10th floor, fidgeting all the way, mentally willing the elevator to go faster.

When the doors opened he rushed, and walked to the front desk, and he was about to ask a nurse where she was being held when he spotted Russ, who was walking towards him.

Russ looked exhausted, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes hollow and filled with sorrow.

They stood in front of each other, and just stared at each other until Booth spoke, "What happened, Russ?"

Russ' eyes pooled with tears, and sighed deeply, "She came home at about 11. She was soaking wet, freezing, dirty. I drew her a bath with all the girly stuff she likes, to make her feel better, you know?", Booth nodded darkly, "I told her I would make her something to eat. She hadn't had a single thing, Booth, not even water, and I was afraid she would pass out. She refused at first, but then she… she got this gleam in her eyes and told me that maybe I was right, and I could make her something. I was glad, you know? To do something, for her", Russ said brokenly, "I waited in her room, besides the door, until I heard she got in the bathtub, and figured I should leave her alone, for a little while".

He ran a hand through his face in despair before he continued, "I let her stay there for perhaps 30 minutes. I made her some vegetable pasta, and knocked on the bathroom. I figured she was done", he swallowed hard, "She didn't reply. I knock again, and nothing. The door was locked, and I tried to open, but couldn't. I knew, man, I knew, something was wrong. So I picked the lock, I knew she would hate if I destroyed her door for nothing, you know?", Booth nodded, his heart beating painfully, "She had this look in her eyes, Booth, I had never seen it, not even when mom and dad left us, not even when I left, like… she was empty", Russ' cheeks were damp with tears.

"What happened, Russ?", Booth said, desperate to know.

"She slit her wrists, Booth. And this was not a cry for help. She meant it. She cut them deep, Booth", Russ sobbed, "The water… was already red with her blood. I just put on her robe, and rushed her here. The doctors told me… 10 more minutes, and I… they wouldn't have been able to save her. They gave her blood, and some sedatives while they stitched her wounds", Booth's eyes were pooling with tears, "They… are keeping her on suicide watch for 72 hours. Then, they will move her to a private room, and they will only release her if they feel she's not going to… do it again. A psychiatrist already went in, but she told me that she hadn't said a single word. That was the worst, Booth. She hasn't spoken, a word, to anybody. And they're fearful. I'm sorry, but I didn't know who else to call", Russ said, "My baby is sick, so Amy and the girls can´t come".

"Russ, you have no reason to apologize. I'm glad you did. Bones… She's too important to me", Russ just stared at him.

"I thought of calling Angela, but something told me it was better to call you. Perhaps you can reach her. They are even letting me in, bending the rules a little bit, but nothing is working. Perhaps you… She always listens to you, she trusts you, Booth. And I know you've been taking care of her for us".

_Yeah, until I broke her,. _Booth thought.

"Can I…", Russ cut him off, not needing him to ask, "This way".

The two men walked the few steps until they reached the glass room.

"They have glass walls to keep an eye on the patients, to see their reactions, and of course, to prevent them from harming themselves again", Booth nodded. "You can go in. I already cleared you with the doctor and the nurses".

Booth walked, trying to make his steps soft enough she wouldn't get scared. He got past the door, and he entered the room, approaching her bed slowly, until he reached the feet of the bed.

If his heart was broken, now it would be impossible to mend. She was in a white hospital gown, her hair was harshly brushed back, looking almost severe, in a ponytail. There was a bag of blood attached to the IV in her arm. But what brought tears to his eyes were the two bandages on her forearms, covering almost half of the perfect skin there.

But her eyes, oh God, it was her eyes that practically brought him to his knees. They were almost transparent, the gray so clear it seemed practically inexistent. Her skin was deathly pale, almost gray in color, and he could see the cold sweat like pearls on her silky skin.

She was facing the window, her face not giving any signs she was acknowledging him.

He went to her side, and kneeled before the bed, instantly grasping her icy hand between his, the only reaction a slight tightening on her muscles, but she didn't fight him.

"My Bones", he said brokenly, "My beautiful Bones. What have I done to you?", he was choking, trying his best not to sob, "What have you done to yourself? I know you are here, baby. The woman I love is here, somewhere. I know", he said, bringing her hand to his face, kissing the center of her palm.

"I have never given up on you, ever. My mind wanted to move on, I wanted to believe I had moved on, but I was a fool, because my heart has always been yours, Temperance", he said, tears falling freely down his cheeks, "You have to come back to me. I'm nothing without you. I'm lost without you. Please, if you go, I won't be ever able to forgive myself", he said softly, her face still unresponsive, "Not one of the lives I took, not how many mistakes I made matter now. If you don't survive this", he said, "I'll die along with you".

And his heart stopped when her eyes filled with tears, a sign he knew meant he was reaching her, "I'll die because", he sniffled, but didn't dry his eyes, needing her to see he meant every word, "You're my other half. The better half of me. You made me want to stop gambling, you made me a better father to Parker, you gave me passion. You made me love life, and if you're gone… _God, Bones_, if you leave me, I'll have nothing left to live for", her eyes were leaking now a steady current of tears, but still she didn't move.

"You make me strong. If you're gone, I will lose my hope", he swallowed, and pressed soft kisses against her hand, extending her arm gently, seeing her wince a bit at the motion, and he pressed more whisper-like kisses against the bandages, where he knew her wounds were, first one arm, then the other. "Bones, I love your beautiful mind, but I love your heart even more. Please, if you jump, I'll have to follow you. I won't leave you alone. You have me, _all of me_".

He saw her swallow, and he knew she was trying her best to hold on to her walls, but he knew that if she built them back, no one would be able to breach them.

"Temperance, you're never alone. Please, come back to me. You told me that if I loved you, I would leave you. Now I'm begging you, _please Bones", _he sobbed now, knowing holding back his emotions was detrimental to his purpose, "If you loved me, if you love me still, come back to me. If you don't, I'll… I'll understand you stopped loving me, and I'll leave you. I'll never bother you again, I won't hurt you. But if you come back, _to me, _I promise you, I will devote my whole life to making you happy, I'll take care of your heart. Please", her eyes continued to spill crystal tears, but she didn't move, her eyes still fixed on some spot far away, "Give me the chance to earn your forgiveness, to make you believe in me again".

Long minutes passed, and he lowered his head, accepting she had given up on him, on her love for him.

"Forgive me, Bones, forgive me", he said, and gently released her hands and placed them on the mattress. He tiredly got on his feet, feeling like he had aged a thousand years, and stared at her.

"I know you have every reason not to trust me, to even hate me, but trust that I still love you, and I always will. Never give up, Bones", he said, and walked towards the door, but when he reached the threshold, his ears registered a sound, and he stilled.

He waited long seconds for it to come again, hoping it hadn't been his fevered imagination playing tricks on him.

But then, he sighed in relief when the sound came.

It was almost inaudible, and he thanked every day of training he had as a sniper because otherwise, he wouldn't have caught it. His name, only his name, coming like a prayer from her lips, and a plea, "_Booth. Don't leave me"._

His eyes filled with tears, and he purposely went to her bed, cradling her against his chest, peppering her hair and face with desperate kisses, her tears washing her whole face, "I won't baby, I won't. You're safe", he held her gently while sobs raked her body, and her hands held on to him like he was her lifeline, not even registering the pain on her arms, "You're safe with me. I love you so much", he groaned, and she cried even more.

He got into bed, not caring about hospital policy, only needing to comfort her, her sobs making her body shake. He placed her head on his chest, and he placed a long leg over hers, letting his body enfold her, infusing her with warmth.

Russ was watching from the outside, a relieved smile on his lips, coming through tears, and when he saw the nurse about to enter to scold Booth , he held her back, "Please, I know it's against policy, but he managed what none of us could", the nurse also stood to stare and could only accept he was right. She was holding on to him like her life depended on it, and his arms were around her so fiercely it seemed he was never letting her go, like they both wanted to get under the other' skin, his large body covering hers, whispering in her ear soothing, calming words.

"If anything changes, and she becomes violent or agitated, call me", she said, and Russ nodded, keeping a silent vigil, knowing his sister was where she was supposed to be.

She cried for hours, and her hands never released him, but again, neither did he. At last, she fell asleep, and he stared at her, her face a little more relaxed than before, her body limp against his. He just caressed her back and lost himself in her smell, his touch soft and tender, letting her feel, even in sleep, that he was there, for her, that she wasn't alone.

She would whimper occasionally, her arms about to flail, and he would only tighten his grip, whisper something against her ear, and she would immediately relax, and go to her previous calm sleep.

The psychiatrist had entered 1 hour before, and seemed greatly pleased that she had at least reacted, and had let him in. She gave him instructions, but insisted she was to remain in the hospital for the established time frame: 2 more days in the psychiatric ward, then moved to a private room in the same floor to be counseled, and when they felt the danger wasn´t imminent, she would be released.

Without hesitation, he asked if he could stay with her. He told the doctor he had promised her she wouldn't be alone. The psychiatrist had smiled indulgently and told him that since he had been the one to reach her, he indeed could and should stay close. Besides, it would serve as very close monitoring.

Booth had only smiled at the doctor, and closed his eyes, but never slept, just content that somehow he was able to help fix his Bones.

She slept for 4 hours, during which a nurse had injected something in her IV. He had asked what they were giving her, and they told him it was a mild antidepressant and anxiolytic, to help her rest.

The day passed, and Russ and him only sat there, Booth holding her, keeping vigil over her. They didn't push her, and when both breakfast and lunch came, they couldn't force her to eat as she took a look at the tray and refused to let them cajole her into eating, and both times she just burrowed her head against Booth's chest and fell asleep in his arms, and they thought that at least, by letting her sleep, they would just let her recover her strength. But when it was dinner time, he told the nurse to take the food she had brought with her, and instead asked Russ, who had been sitting in a nearby chair, to go to Sid's and ask him to send her something. Russ had seemed confused that he hadn't specified what he wanted, but Booth only said to let Sid do as he wished. The doctor had come for a little while after the nurse told her he had dismissed the hospital food, and he had whispered that he knew how much she would hate it, and that they had a better chance to entice her to eat if it came from a place he knew she loved. The doctor appeared reluctant, but told him she would trust his judgment on this instance, since she hadn't

Russ nodded, and 45 minutes later, he returned with 3 paper bags. The nurse was weary of passing forks or knives, but Russ had had the brightest idea, and had bought her plastic children's forks and knives, the unbreakable kind.

He fixed everything on the small tray, and when it was ready, he nodded to Booth, who gently kissed her temple, and nudged her, "Wakey, wakey, Bones", she grumbled, and just burrowed her head into his chest further, making him smile at how adorable she was when her mind wasn't fully engaged in wakefulness.

"Bones, there's something delicious with your name on it", he cajoled, and after a few seconds, she just opened one way, reluctant to open them.

She sleepily said, "Not hungry, Booth", he roamed her back, and replied, "I know you haven't eaten a single thing for the past 2 days. So perhaps your mind is not hungry, but I'm certain your stomach is", it was so illogical and irrational, he already knew what reaction he would get, and of course, she didn't disappoint.

"Booth", she said huskily, "That's highly irrational. The brain is what orders the stomach to demand for food", he smiled tenderly, and kissed her forehead.

"Bones, Russ and I are very worried. We've let you get away with it, because I know you don't like any of the things they've brought you, but you might pass out, and your stomach might get upset with all the drugs we're giving you", he gave her his best puppy eyes, and said, "For me? Besides, it's Sid's", he teased, and her eyes brightened a bit at the mention of Sid's food, and Booth just smiled at her, seeing her resolve crumble.

She sighed, and nodded, a tiny smile on her lips. He beamed at her, and kissed her cheek, before standing up. She whimpered a bit at the loss of his body heat, and he just held her hand, "I'm just going to bring you your food, ok baby?", she seemed hesitant, but let him press some buttons on the bed, and placed her so that she was comfortable for eating.

Russ brought the tray closer, and the rich smells of food hit her nostrils. There was a large shaker, and she couldn't help but give him a tired smile as he stared at her, "Chocolate milkshake, pumpkin and cheese soup, teriyaki rice, salmon rolls and chocolate tiramisu", he said, and she shook her head, seeing the huge containers, knowing she wouldn't be able to stomach so much food.

"Bones, just eat a bit, ok? Russ and I won't let it go to waste anyway", she relented, and he smiled.

He took the utensils, and seeing her pointed look, added "Bones, I know you're not a baby, and that you're more than capable of feeding yourself, but your arms must hurt, and it will make me feel better if you let me take care of you", she couldn't deny it. Her wrists hurt with every movement, and it hadn't helped that she had held on to Booth with all of her strength, putting more strain on her wounds.

She nodded, and just said, "Ok", he smiled, and sat next to her, feeding her slowly each part of the menu. The food tasted amazing, and it revived her somehow. Booth was patient, and loving with every bite he fed her.

Russ was eating silently in the chair, and Booth also took bites of his own food between feeding her, and she could see how relieved they were, the silent, knowing smiles. She saw Russ' tired eyes, and she could clearly notice the worry in his warm eyes, hating herself for bringing him so much added pain.

Her eyes pooled with tears as she remembered how Max used to feed her when she was a child.

"_Daddy, I'm a big girl", her face had been flushed with the fever, and her body was covered in scabs. Max was the only available nurse, since neither Christine nor Russ had had the chickenpox._

"_I know you are, but it makes me feel good to take care of my little angel, and besides, you look very tired, so what's the harm?", he had said, and patiently fed her the chicken soup he had made her. In that moment she felt loved and protected, cherished like no other girl in the world._

_Even if she was 12, and already loved to be independent, Max always knew how to bring her softer side forth._

_A whole month taking care of her, reading her, teaching her so she didn't fall behind in her classes, just… loving her._

Booth, seeing her glassy eyes, set the fork down, and took her hand, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin.

"Hey, Bones, what is it?", he said, and she just swallowed, "I was thinking… about Dad. He liked to take care of me when I was sick. He didn't let me eat either, and he always fed me until I was ready to explode", Booth smiled indulgently, and kissed her forehead lovingly.

"It's ok to miss him, Bones. You're entitled to miss him", she nodded, and her eyes filled with more tears, "it's nice that you have those memories of him. He might have made mistakes, but he loved you, very much".

"I know", she said softly, and he knew they were done with the food. At least she had eaten half of everything, and while not much, it didn't differ much from the usual amount of food he knew she had. She wasn't a big eater to begin with, so he didn't push further. He placed the tray aside, and signaled for her to scoot up, which she did happily, and he lay in bed with her.

"Russ", she said, "You're exhausted. You should go home, and try to get some sleep", he seemed reluctant, and she added, "Booth will take care of me, he won't leave me alone, so I'll be fine. I'm worried about you too, you haven't sleep a single bit since… things happened".

Booth added, "Yeah, Russ. I will make sure Bones gets plenty of rest, and in case anything happens, I'll call you. You're worn out, man, and we need to be at the top of our game", Russ couldn't argue that, and he nodded, and just came closer, reaching softly for her hand, and squeezing it, and he bent to press a soft kiss against her cheek.

"You only focus on getting better, ok?", he said, and she nodded, he caressed her hair like she was a small child, his eyes filled with love and concern.

"I promise I will, Russ", he smiled tiredly, "Bye Booth, take care of her", he said, and Booth just nodded.

"With my life, Russ", the men shared a knowing stare, and Russ finally left them for the night.

She started settling and he helped her, both moving until they were on their sides as they faced each other, his hand on her waist, his thumb rubbing her skin over the thin fabric of the hospital robe, the position intimate and tender.

"My sweet Bones", he said, caressing the bangs falling on her forehead with his other hand, "You're not alone. You have me. I'm here. I'm always here", he said.

She bit her lower lip before speaking, "For how long, Booth?", she asked, her eyes glassy and deep.

"Does forever sound long enough?", he asked.

She stared into his face for long seconds, before an exhausted, relieved grin curved the corner of her lips, "It sounds perfect, Booth", he smiled tearfully, and moved his hand to place it behind her head and bring it against his chest.

They spent the whole night like that, and not even the nurses coming to check on her could refrain from commenting how touching the scene was, and how they wished their patients had someone to love them so deeply, to pull them back from the abyss.

**Do you hate our Booth a little less? I hope this helped!**

**I have the upmost respect for psych patients and procedures. So I hope this was good enough, and since I don't know much about the way they handle people in Bren's condition, this was my sorry attempt to make it tasteful and truthful! **


	8. Will the bones ever be set right?

**This chappie was necessary. I know you're all aching to see Booth dump Hannah, but we can't rush the process.**

**To all of you, faithful reviewers, and those of you who have added me to your alerts, thank you yet again. You make me believe this is worth going on, and I hope the angst hasn't been terribly overwhelming… I'm awfully insecure, but your support gives me the fuel I need to go on…**

**I can only hope I can do as well with the fluff… Eventually (hihi)… Don't worry, IT WILL COME! But as Booth once wisely said, we can't rush her, or things for that matter… **

The following morning, he helped her with breakfast, making her laugh as he made plane noises to get her to eat. After all the anguish the past 3 days had been filled with, hearing her laugh was probably the best sound in the world.

"Booth, I'm full. I don't want any more", she had eaten only half of her outmeal, ¾ of her orange juice, and only 2 bites of the fruit salad.

"Bones, you need to eat, to become strong", while she had been bathing, the nutritionist had come and told him that despite having received a bag of blood, she needed to include iron in her diet, and she feared that the fact that she was a vegetarian would hinder her recovery. Booth vowed that he would do her best to incite her to eat, but that he wouldn't force her. He explained to her that Bones had never been a great eater, and that she even forgot to eat sometimes when she was too caught up in work. Hearing that, the nutritionist only said that she hoped that as her depression improved, so would her appetite, but that they had to keep trying.

After she came out of the shower, a bit upset that she had to allow a nurse to accompany her, citing "hospital rules for psych patients", she had slowly munched on her food. He had smiled indulgently, knowing the effort she was making, and now here they were.

"Bones, the nutritionist came, and she's concerned that you won't eat enough to get better. Don't you want to get out of here faster?", he said, and she sighed.

"Of course I do, but Booth, but I can't change my eating habits overnight. You know me", he nodded sympathetically, "I can only promise I'll try", he smiled at her. At least, she was talking to him. She seemed a bit calm, but the sadness in her eyes was still there. Russ was still at her place, and it was just the two of them.

"Booth?", she asked, and he could hear the hesitation. He sat in the chair next to the bed once he removed her tray, and took her hand.

"What, Bones?", she bit her lower lip.

"While I appreciate you wanting to take care of me… what about Hannah? Does she know I'm here? Did you tell her?", Booth knew this would come to pass, and he softly rubbed his thumb against her palm, "I've noticed you haven't left my side for a minute, only for your shower and bathroom breaks".

"To tell you the truth, my only thought when Russ called me was to get here. And… I haven't called her", he said, remorsefully.

"Booth", she admonished softly, "That's… That's not what I want you to do on my behalf. She's a good person, and she loves you, I can tell. She must be so hurt. Booth, you've been here since yesterday morning, and she must have spent the past 24 hours wondering what could possibly be so wrong you are MIA, or why you wouldn't let her come… She… She shouldn't pay for the mess we've made", he nodded, regret washing over his features.

In truth, he hadn't forgotten to call her. He knew this way of dealing with things would bring dire consequences, but his main concern was getting his Bones better, to help her regain her footing. Russ had kindly brought him some of his clothes yesterday when Booth told him he would only leave when she did. That had given him the chance to get clean and use his concern for better things. He had texted her, saying things were bad, leaving the specifics out, and that he would let her know in due time when she could come. Her reply was texting back that she missed him, loved him, and that while it hurt that he wasn't letting her help, she understood that perhaps Temperance wanted to be on her own, and that she would be in the way.

"I know, Bones, and I don't… I don't want to hurt her. I know she loves me, and part of me loves her", he saw the flash of pain that crossed her eyes, "She came to me at a time in my life when I needed to feel loved, and somehow… She gave me hope, she helped me function again. I mean, she was amazing", Bones nodded sadly, "And we've had a great time together. And things were working out", he sighed, "But now", he said staring into her glassy eyes, "the only place I want to be is here with you".

"I believe that, but I… Booth, I can't build my happiness on someone else's misfortune", she closed her eyes, "I can't. I'm not saying I don't want you here, because I do, but… You are not the type of man to cheat or lie, and… I could see you were so happy with her, and it makes me wonder… if I can make you that happy, if I have what it takes to make you happy", he hated to see her doubt herself, so he got closer to her, his hands enfolding her own.

"Just answer me this. Do you love me?", he asked, and she got a sad smile on her face.

"I do, Booth. Even if I don't understand this pull of emotions inside of me, I think, no, _I know, _I love you. But if we ever start something, I… I can't do it unless I know you're heart is all in. The fact that you're with her, that you fell for her tells me you needed something, or wanted something. I don't know", she said, a bit frustrated, "Perhaps you had waited too long for me to act, to accept what I felt for you, and… give us a shot, but what you need to sort out is if you truly want to be with me, despite knowing how difficult, how… emotionally crippled I am", he took her hand and placed it against his face, his eyes filled with sorrow and love, "How broken I am right now. Hannah has very outstanding qualities, and I can see why you would decide to enter a relationship with her, and love her, but Booth", she said, her thumb caressing the stubble of his jaw, "You need to face that a part of you wants her, loves her, otherwise, you would have never asked her to move in with you. So don't hurt her. Make your choice, whatever it is, with your heart, free of conditions. You might think you are somehow obliged to be with me because I am like this", she said, pointing to her bandaged forearms, "But I can only beg you, never be with me out of pity or sympathy, if you're here, be here, because of love, whatever that might be, whatever it might mean", she said, and as he was about to reply, the psychiatrist entered.

"Dr. Brennan, how are you this morning? I'm very glad to know you finally decided to eat and talk to us", the doctor said, and turning to Booth, she said, "Agent Booth, I need to have a small chat with Dr. Brennan, would you mind giving us a few minutes?"

Booth nodded, but as he was about to stand, he felt her grip on his hand tighten, "Please, if it's not too much trouble, I would prefer if Booth was here", she said turning to meet his eyes, then the doctor's.

"Temperance, can I call you Temperance?", she nodded, and the doctor smiled and replied, "I have to ask some difficult questions, and you might feel more comfortable if you're freer to speak. You might feel self-conscious, or embarrassed", the doctor said, and in reply she shook her head.

"Booth knows me perfectly. And whatever you might ask, he knows the answers already. Please, I would feel better if he was here", the doctor pondered her words, and nodded.

"Ok, only if he remains totally silent, and you truly feel he doesn't stop you from answering me truthfully and completely", the doctor replied, and Temperance just gave her a reassuring nod.

"I will, doc", Booth said, and moved the chair he was sitting in so they were both facing the doctor, who took her clipboard, and sat on the couch in front of the bed.

"Temperance, I understand, from what your brother told me, that your life has been filled with tragic events. I want you to tell me what the worst moments, the ones that have hit you the hardest, emotionally, have been", the psychiatrist asked.

She seemed hesitant, and after clearing her throat, she began, "The first, when my parents went away. Then, being placed in the foster system. Afterwards… Finding my mother´s remains, and realizing the truth behind their leaving me. Being kidnapped by a serial killer. Then…", she lowered her eyes, "When I thought Booth was dead. My assistant betraying us. Booth being kidnapped. Realizing the depth of my feelings for Booth, and then rejecting them", Booth squeezed her hand tenderly, "going away, then returning to find everything changed. Losing my father", her voice shook.

"Those are very traumatic events, but what I want you to think about is this. Many of those events were very tragic, and you could have easily done the same, hurt yourself as you just did. So, why didn't you? Why now? What pushed you, what made this time different than the others?", Booth saw her cringe, and wanted to push the psychiatrist, but he knew she needed to face this questions to start her path to recovery, "What were your thoughts when you were cutting yourself?"

She lowered her gaze, and stayed silent for a few moments. "I guess…", she moistened her dry lips with her tongue, "Booth was always there. When I found my mother, or my kidnapping, or being endangered… Booth was always there, and… he always comforted me, he made me feel safe, I knew I wasn't truly alone, even if sometimes I pulled away from him, trying to keep him outside my walls".

"Did that connection scare you, somehow? For him to be the only one to get you to react, to speak to us, your lives must be deeply entwined", the doctor asked and she nodded, her eyes on Booth.

"My life was filled with people leaving me. My parents, then my brother. My foster families weren't any better. I learned to live alone, and finding myself so emotionally dependant on someone else after so long… was difficult to accept", the doctor nodded, and scribbled some notes on her pad.

"And what happened now?", the doctor asked, and with one look from her eyes, Booth understood what she needed immediately, so he got in the bed with her, and she rested her head against his chest, his arms protectively wrapped around her.

"Russ had just left me alone to make me something to eat. I got in my tub", she inhaled deeply, beginning her tale after long minutes in silence, "I sat there, and all I could feel was this void inside of me. I felt like I had no one to fight for, no one to miss me if I died", Booth kissed her temple, "And I felt so much pain, I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to sleep, to forget, I don't know", she melded her body to Booth's, who held her tighter, "I saw my future, and saw no hope. I reached for the razorblade I keep in my shower, and I pressed it against my wrists, one, then the other. It didn't even hurt when I pressed it against my skin", she finished.

"Temperance, do you feel that way still? Truly, if you were left alone, with the chance to finish what you started yesterday, would you do it?", the doctor asked.

"I… I don't think I would. I wasn't afraid to die before, but now… I don't even know. I deal with so much death every single day… I'm so confused", she said, and Booth let his hands soothe her, sensing her distress.

"It's only normal. Temperance, it seems to me you've buried these feelings for a long time. Many people don't like therapy, but it certainly helps. You could talk to your friends and family, but the idea of hurting them with our pain makes us refrain from sharing all the details, particularly those which poison our minds", the doctor started, staring at them, "you've built the image of a strong woman, and showing people your weaknesses might lead your subconscious mind to think that if you do, they will think less of you, and leave you. These are deeply rooted abandonment issues, and while you might be right in feeling them, considering that you've gone through things that would have made others snap or take another path in life, not overcoming them is hindering your ability to truly engage emotionally at all levels, and therefore, making you lose on the things people and life have to offer you. I have to say, you seem like a very different person than the woman we tended to yesterday, which is an outstanding feat in itself. Many people stay practically catatonic after they've realized they have lost their fight instinct. And the fact that you're accepting these facts already is a great step. But the fact remains that something inside you snapped, and you need to face what led you to try to take your own life. What I want to find out, what you also need to find out, is if what you did was a cry for help or a real, honest attempt to take your life. That's why I asked what happened the moment you placed that razorblade against your skin".

"I… ", her eyes pooled with tears, "I didn't want to be alone anymore", Booth sighed deeply, his own eyes moistening, guilt eating at him because he knew much of her loneliness was because of him, "I felt I had lost all the people who had ever loved me, and I felt I wasn't strong enough to face the world without them. I felt… like I was standing at the edge of a precipice, screaming for someone to pull me back, only to find there was no there, to care for me", the doctor placed a hand on her jaw, pensively.

"And now, can you see if that's real or the way you interpreted your reality? Temperance, depressed people make a bigger deal out of things, let's say… they lose perspective, and their problems seem overwhelming when they truly aren't. So truthfully, right now, do you believe those situations to be real?", the doctor asked.

"I… think they are real. At least, they feel real to me. I have analyzed my life ever since I came back from my trip, and those facts seem real to me", she stared at the doctor, "I felt… overwhelmed by everything, and losing my dad… ", a silent tear rolled down her porcelain cheek, "was the final straw, the final push. I… Perhaps I blamed myself, because he always wanted to be around, and I pushed him away time and time again, and then when he died I realized my pride had hindered me from spending more time with him, I… I felt like I pushed everyone away, and that I was paying the price for hiding from my feelings, or denying them, like I did with Booth. I…", she felt his arms around her body, and drew strength from the love she could feel coming from him, "I pushed him away, and he found somebody else", the doctor stared at him, and he held her gaze, "which, of course, was entirely natural, but he… He had become a constant I could rely on, and not having that… was hard".

"You mean, his presence was so comforting that when he rebuilt his life without you in it, somehow you felt like he had given up on you, and so everybody else who had done the same?", the doctor asked and she nodded.

"Temperance, this might sound rude, but I've got to ask, do you still want to die?"

"Everything hurts", she said tearfully, "And I know I'm not ok, far from it, but… I don't. I don't want to die", the doctor nodded.

"Temperance, I can see you mean that, but for your safety we're going to do the following. We are going to start a treatment with some antidepressants, which we are already giving through your IV to speed the process. You're going to stay here for a week, until the effects start kicking in, then I'll let you go home on two conditions: one, that you are supervised at all times, and two: that you religiously follow my instructions, along with the therapy sessions we're going to need, ok? Can you comply with these?", the doctor asked, and she looked anguished.

"The therapy and the drugs, I can do, even if I don't put much stock in psychology, but…", she bit her lip, "The going home supervised is going to be difficult. My brother has a sick child, and he needs to go to his wife, and there's no one else", Booth's heart broke when he heard the insecurity, knowing she didn't feel confident enough to ask him, and with due reason.

"I'll stay with her", he heard her gasp, "Bones, I told you you were not alone, and you're not. Right now, you need me, and I want you to believe that I'm here for you, not only as your friend or your partners, but as someone who loves you, ok? So I'll become your guardian watchdog until the good doctor says it's ok for you to be alone. I don't want you to feel like I don't trust you if I leave you alone, but being alone right now, Bones?", he said, staring into her blue pools, "You're sad, with every reason to be. You lost your dad, everything was different since your return… anyone would feel sad", he said

"But not everyone would slit their wrists in the process", she replied, and he held her to his chest.

"That was your grief begging for a way out, Bones. You're strong, the strongest person I know, but right now, it's ok to be weak, to lean on someone. To lean, _on me", _he said, and staring into his chocolate eyes, she saw that he believed every word he was telling her, that it wasn't just words of comfort.

"What about Hannah?", she asked, and he brushed her cheek tenderly, and replied, "You always come first, always. Do you trust that?", she nodded, and he said, "I'll be here, every step of the way, ok?"

"Ok", she smiled at him and then turned to face the doctor, who had attentively followed their conversation, "If Booth here stays with me, after the week here, can I go home?", the doctor replied, "Yes, Temperance, but work will have to wait a bit longer. It seems to me you want to push yourself to an extreme, and work is always a distraction, but not when it numbs you from emotions. So, after 3 or 4 sessions, we will consider if you're fit, emotionally, to face the hardships of your work, that I've heard are very demanding, ok?", she reluctantly nodded, hating that the doctor was right. She did hide her feelings by drowning in her work.

"Don't feel this is a punishment. I'm precisely asking Agent Booth to stay with you so that when you feel the pull of your emotions, you don't feel like the house is literally falling upon you, and seeing he can get you to speak", they both blushed, "you can share your emotions and thoughts with him. You need to be with yourself to let those emotions come, and learn how to deal with them until they're not so overwhelming, ok?", they both nodded, "We will move you tomorrow to a room in this floor, so you feel there's more privacy. I know it's hard, with the glass walls, and all", she smiled politely. "Even if right now you feel bad, it's very good that you have accepted these facts, and that you're willing to work on them. You have no idea how many patients take weeks and even months until they make real progress, and above all, to accept they need the help. So, rest, let this handsome man spoil you", they blushed even more, "And just let time and love do their thing. Healing is a long process, but one worth embarking on. Take care, and I'll see you tomorrow", she said, and with a grin on her lips, she stood and vacated the room.

They embraced each other, and silence loomed between them until she spoke, "Booth?"

He was so drunk on her smell and the feel of her body against his, only her voice broke through the haze, and he only replied, "Hmmh?"

"Booth, you should go home", hearing his gasp and widened eyes, she placed her palm against his cheek, and stared into his eyes, "Don't get me wrong. Having you here…", she sighed, "Is the best remedy for me, but you can't be here indefinitely. I know you, Booth, and I know how it must be hurting you to know Hannah is in pain, that you might hurt her", seeing his anguished eyes, she leaned in and kissed his forehead tenderly, knowing kissing on the lips wasn't still a possibility until he fixed things with Hannah.

"You're a good man, a wonderful man, and I understand that Hannah loves you so much, because I also love you, with a love that was born in the hardest of places, I love I denied us both for very long", both their eyes were moist with tears, "But you have to make a choice. The only thing I need for you is to be honest, with yourself, with her, with _me", _she said, their eyes locked as they always did when they had the most serious of conversations, "I'm begging you, _do not _consider what happened when you make that choice. It wouldn't be right. I don't need you to save me, but to love me", he nodded, "I don't know if I'm making sense, I'm not good at the love stuff", he saw her hesitation and smiled tenderly at her.

"You make plenty of sense, Bones. You do. I made a mess of things, didn't I?", he said sadly, and she just shook her head.

"We both did. We… We were trying to protect our hearts from more pain, and you had every right to find someone to give you the life you've always wanted, and even more when I was so adamant you wouldn't get it with me", he swallowed.

"I don't want to hurt her, or you, Bones", he said, bringing her head to his chest, their arms around each other.

"I think", she said, her eyes closed against his warm skin, "That is no longer a possibility, Booth. One of us is going to be hurt, but that's ok. That's life. And whatever you choose, I'll always think of you as my friend and partner. You won't lose me, ok?", he chuckled softly against her hair, even though she could hear the tears in his voice.

"When did you become so emotionally smart?", he teased, and she just inhaled his musky, spicy scent and replied, "Ever since I had the best teacher, and I allowed my heart to be broken".

They stayed there for long minutes until someone clearing their throats interrupted the peaceful moment. It was Russ, looking at them with a smile on his lips.

"I thought that perhaps you needed me, but I can see you're doing just fine", they blushed a bit, and Temperance regrettably untangled herself from Booth's arms, noticing his hurt expression.

"Actually, I do. Booth's leaving, and I could use the company", she gave Russ a soft smile, and he silently took the chair he had been using ever since she had been admitted to the hospital.

She could see Booth's hurt, but it couldn't be helped. He had to go, talk to Hannah and get his life in order. Pain gripped her chest at the thought that Booth wouldn't choose her, but at least he had promised her he would be there. Even if she wouldn't get the man, she was aching for her friend, for the friend he had been. That's what she had missed, most of all: his shoulder for her to lean on, his reassuring words, leading her through life. Their connection, that suddenly seemed to be rekindled, even in the aftermath of tragedy.

Booth tiredly stood from the bed, and stared at her for long seconds before he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Be good to Russ, and please, do everything he says", she nodded, and then he turned to Russ. "Russ, please, if anything happens, don't hesitate to call", Russ nodded once, and silent understanding passed between the men.

Booth took his jacket, and gave her a sad smile before he reached the threshold, and then they saw him walk away.

Russ turned to Temperance, and he said, "I'm not going to ask, but just tell me, did you finally get your act together?"

She took a few seconds to answer, and said, "We're trying, Russ. And that's the best thing we can do. Try. I don't think either one of us can go on without at least trying".

**A well-fed musie is a faster-writing musie!**

**(hihi, just kidding) No really, hearing your thoughts on this is what I need to find my footing, and I hope you can tell me if you found anything wrong!**

**And since many of you have asked, the scene between Booth and Hannah (jaws theme, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun… ) will be the next chappie…**

**I hope you want to see that too!**


	9. Crushing hopes

**First, as usual, I own nothing, I gain nothing. I just play with them, and fix the wrongs (hehehe) Really, this is only my attempt to ease our aching hearts (even if I really make them hurt as well in the process )**

**Guys, I´m more than thankful for those who review, who add me to their alerts/favorites… It's an honor to be taken into account, and to feel this story has touched you.**

**Perhaps many of you might disagree, but as I've said before, I don't think Hannah should be labeled as the evil guy here. She's a nice girl caught up in a mess she didn't even know existed. So, for that, I like her, even if my heart hurts every time I see Booth so happy with her…**

**Anyway, I give you this, and again, hope it was everything you expected.**

**Sorry for not posting sooner, but my b-day was this week, and I'm dealing with a case of chronic pain that requires me taking a drug that makes me quite sleepy (so for that, forgive me for any mistakes you find) Besides, my internet connection here was crappy until practically now when they installed a new internet service and I'm back, baby! (No pun intended, LOL!)**

**So, here it goes…**

He walked the steps of his apartment, dreading and cursing each one. He knew what he had to do, there was no question about it, but the thought of hurting either Bones or Hannah was something he had never wished he had to do, but as Bones herself had put it, not hurting one of them was no longer a possibility.

But as he was faced with how broken his Bones was, how badly they had hurt each other, how running from their feelings had led them to make all the wrong choices, he knew he had to put an end to the series of misunderstanding and proud assumptions on each of their sides. He had to learn how to let go of his grief, of the pain her earlier rejection had caused him, how to trust himself into opening his heart again. Because if he was honest, Hannah had been not only the logical choice, but the safe choice as well. With everything going on, Temperance hadn't still assured him they could work, as a couple, and he couldn't pressure her now. Her only focus had to be invested in getting better, on finding her footing, and he, yet again, had to put his desire to build his forever for her on the sideline until the time was right.

He stood before his door, keys in hand, hesitating to open. He knew the moment he stepped inside, he would be bombarded with a thousand questions, and with the pain he knew he had already caused Hannah, a pain she didn't deserve, a pain that had been brought on by his omissions and his half-truths, he truly didn't want to face the emotional fight awaiting him.

With a sigh, he put the key in the lock, and opened it. He stepped inside, and took off his jacket. He was still in Russ' clothes, and he had his in a small travel bag Russ had given him to put them in. At least, he was thankful Russ had promised to stay until he could take charge again, and he knew Temperance wouldn't let him return to her side until she knew he straightened things out.

The moment he was in his living room, he saw Hannah putting aside her laptop, a relieved look on her face the moment she realized he was back, and she instantly ran to hug him, her petite frame curling around him.

"Seeley, you're back", she said, her voice dripping with relief as she let her arms engulf him. He hugged her back, rubbing her skin over her light tank top. He couldn't be cruel or rough with her, particularly when he did have strong feelings for her, and when she had done nothing to deserve him being cold towards her, "I was so worried".

He could also see the hurt in her eyes. And she was right to be hurt. He had only texted her twice, both times while Temperance was sleeping, trying to let her know he was ok, but that she wasn't needed, "Seeley", she said, and he saw how badly she was trying to hide her confusion and hurt at the way he had handled everything, "I need to know what happened", he nodded, and lead them both to his couch, where he sat staring straight ahead, and she sat sideways, her body facing him, her eyes filled with worry.

"I don't mean the clingy, whinny girlfriend, Seeley, but I've spent every waking minute that has passed since you left trying to convince myself I have nothing to worry about, and that your going missing, not even taking a minute to call me, is only your incredibly sense of duty towards your partner making you forget I'm even here. But I need to know, Seeley. Because I've been worrying that something huge that somewhat involves me is happening, and I don't even know about it", she said, and he only lowered his head, sighing deeply, before tilting his head and facing her.

He cupped her cheek, and brushed his thumb over her jaw.

"I'm so sorry", he started, "I had no right to make you worry like that. It's just…", he let out a tired sigh, "Things… were kind of difficult".

"Baby", she said, her voice pleading and soft, "I got that from your reaction, and you disappearing on me, but I need to know what happened. I deserve to know, Seeley", he nodded, and thought about the best way to start.

"Bones…", he willed his eyes not to pool with tears as he tried to get the facts out before giving her the real explanation, the one she deserved, "She tried to kill herself", Hannah gasped, "She… tried to slit her wrists. Her brother found her, but they have her in the psych ward of Bethesda, and… Sorry to have left without giving you an explanation, or not calling you, but… Russ and I were trying to help her… I don't know… come back to herself", Hannah nodded, a sympathetic look on her face that made him feel even worse.

"That's awful!", she said, and grasped his hand, rubbing his knuckles, "But Seeley, the way you reacted? I don't meant to burden you with questions, but… it's not just today. I mean… Seeley, ever since Temperance's father died, I don't know why, I _don't understand why, _I've felt you… pull away. And I don't know if it was because I wanted to be with you, with the squints… I need you to tell me what's wrong. You know I love you, and I only want to be with you. I don't need their approval Seeley, but I've seen how much they matter to you, and I want to be a part of that. I may be your girlfriend, but they're your family. So tell me what's happening, so we can fix it, baby", she said lovingly, but he could see an edge of despair in her emerald eyes.

"The thing is… You asked me a question, remember?", she looked confused, "When you returned, you asked me a question about me and Bones".

She looked thoughtful, before a look of realization came onto her face, "I said you two seemed solid, and you told me that was natural after working together for so long. Then, I said I was a little jealous, and you immediately asked me if I thought there was something going on between you and her, and of course, I said no, unless there was something I should know", Hannah got this fearful look on her face, "Seeley, is there something I should know? Because I have trusted you when you say you love me, and that she's just your partner, and from what I've seen, an incredible friend, but nothing more".

He stared into her eyes, seeing all the confusion and the pain he had caused, and he hated himself, because hiding his past from her had only brought them to this hard, painful moment. "I have never lied to you, Hannah", she looked relieved, "Never about my feelings for you. Never have I lied to you when I told you I love you", she smiled shakily at him, "My intention wasn't lying, but I thought I was done with, finished with many things from my past. And I have to admit that… I just fooled myself into believing I could enter my future without letting my past affect the person I am today", she looked confused.

He stood from the couch, and instead sat in the coffee table, needing to be close, but at the same time, putting a careful distance so he could get his words out. "Hannah, you have filled my life with so many wonderful, amazing things. You make me smile, you make me laugh from the inside out", she sighed, and smiled tenderly at him, "You make me feel things I never thought I could feel again. Happiness… When I went to Afghanistan, I thought I would just lose myself more, in so much death and pain… But I met you. And it was the best thing to happen to me, in such a long time", she again went to cup his cheek, and for a moment, he basked in the comfort her love provided, before he pressed a kiss on her palm, and took her hand in his, and his eyes finally fixed on hers.

"But there is much I haven't told you, many things you don't know. The first thing, you don't even know why I was there", she frowned, and replied, "Seeley, you were called back into the Army, and being so loyal to this country, you accepted".

He smiled sadly, "Of course, that was part of the reason why I said yes, but it doesn't cover half of it", she frowned even more. "I wasn't going, Hannah. I fought the Army", he inhaled deeply, and got on his feet to pace slowly, needing space to get his lungs to work, to make her understand why she was involved in a mess she didn't even understand, one she didn't have a part in.

"When you met me, your initial impression of me was of this… savior, of the man who saved you from certain death", she nodded, a loving look in her eyes at the memory of how he had indeed saved her life, "You were proud I had saved you, without taking that man's life, and even condoning the lives I did take while I was there. I let you think that, because I am a different man, but before going back there, I wasn't like that. Many people died at my hands. Many people died because I was the best at what I did. Taking lives, supposedly in the name of everything that was right, for our country. But you have no idea what that did for me", he said sadly.

She just shook her head, "Seeley, even if that's true, it wasn't your fault. I'm not naïve, I know the work of a soldier is hard, and sometimes questionable in their own eyes, but at the end, you're working for the greater good. You risk your lives, you leave your families, so you can put an end to that hatred, to all the death", she said, and he tried to smile, marveled at how she could combine such amazing understanding of things and still cling to hope and innocence.

"In theory, that's true. But how pulling that trigger changes you? Hannah, they don't tell you that. They don't tell you how we come back, broken. I never told you I was, _I am, _a recovering gambler", she gasped, but he saw no outrage, just concern for him, and a bit of hurt he hadn't told her, "When I came back, the first time, I was wrong, Hannah. So very wrong… Not even Parker, not even my own son could put me back together", he went and sat in front of her again, his face anguished and pained. When she went to caress him, he halted her, "Please, I need to get this out. I need you to know the whole truth", she nodded, and folded her hands in her lap.

"I didn't know what to do with myself, Hannah. My hands itched all the time. I despised myself for the things I'd done. It was not only my Catholic guilt eating at me, it was… something deeper. Hannah, my father abused me when I was a little boy", her eyes filled with tears, "Not sexually, but he beat us when he was drunk. And I took it all, for my mom, for Jared. My grandfather, my Pops, saved us. He got us out. When I came back, knowing what I had done, even if I knew in my brain that it was what I was ordered to do, in my heart, I saw my father in myself, and I hated the man I'd become. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to turn to drinking. Mostly because I despised it for what it had done to my family. So I thought gambling was safe enough. I always won. And the times I lost, I didn't even care. I just searched for that high that made my hands stop tingling", he paused for a moment, and Hannah just said, "But that wasn't your fault. You probably had PTSD that went untreated", he nodded.

"I went to a shrink, and I lied. I began gambling just shortly after I entered the FBI. They make us undergo psych evaluations, and I passed them with flying colors. I told them what they wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong, I was pretty good, I still am, but… the inside part? I didn't want anyone to know what I was carrying inside of me. My guilt… I guessed if they saw it, they would think I was unfit for the job, when I knew, inside me, I could be good. I needed to… "

"Wipe the slate clean?", he nodded.

"Yeah", he replied, sadly. "I thought I could somehow balance my cosmic sheet by saving at least as many people as I had killed. But that wasn't enough. There was something missing, that little something to push me, to drive me to be better…"

"So, what changed?", she asked, and he gave her a defeated look.

"I met Bones", he closed his eyes, and after a few seconds, he opened them back to stare into her emerald gaze that was filling with fear again.

"I've told you we hated each other at first, right?", she nodded, "And we did. But before the hate… There was something there. There was passion… Attraction…", he remembered those days when before they almost burned all bridges between them, there had been so much feeling.

"Well, she's quite a beautiful woman, even if she's not socially-wise", he had to smile at the comment, "And I would think there was something wrong if she hadn't felt attracted to you. You're amazing", he lowered his head again.

"Well, the truth is… we were seconds away from sleeping together when we first worked together", he stated, and the confusion returned to her eyes.

"But Seeley, that was about 6 years ago. It was a moment. It passed. Why should it matter now?", she replied.

"Because", he held her gaze, "The moment didn't really pass. We ran from it, we sort of shoved it under the rug, but it truly never went away. We always knew there was something we weren't talking about, a desire for… I don't even know, but we never mentioned it. We were afraid Hannah, petrified that the best thing to happen to both of us, our partnership, our friendship would disappear", he could see her swallow, trying to maintain her composure.

"But it didn't. Hannah…", he decided to let it all out, "About 3, 4 months before I went to Afghanistan, we had a talk with Sweets. He… made us face that we were just hiding behind the safety of our partnership. He dared us to… break the stalemate, Hannah. He dared _me. _And that night, I told her how I felt. I told her I believed in giving us a chance, but she turned me down. Even if I could feel her love for me, she turned me down. I was wounded. _My heart was wounded, _and I wanted to leave her, to punish her for being so scared that her fear could be greater than her hope in me. She begged me to continue being her partner, even if it hurt like a bitch, Hannah, I swallowed my pain and my pride, and I continued to be her friend. But everything started falling apart. We started falling apart. That huge elephant in the room was no longer invisible, it was there, in plain sight, threatening to crush us under its weight. And somehow, it did. I've told you about her, and how her life has been difficult right?", Hannah just nodded, "I didn't tell you half of it. Her parents and brother left her at 15. She was in the foster system, abused, neglected both physically and emotionally, in such a way, she stopped believing in love, and only believed in science. Little by little, I tried to tear her walls down, and I succeeded, but her fear of abandonment is so rooted inside her soul she wouldn't risk accepting my love for fearing she would lose me".

"But Seeley, that makes no sense", Hannah argued, and he scoffed.

"When's love logical, Hannah?", he replied, "If love was logical, people wouldn't do the things they do for love. Professionally, staying in Afghanistan would be the best for you, and yet you came here, because you love me, because you missed me, risking it all", she nodded.

"And I would do it again. I love you, Seeley, very much", he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"And I you, Hannah. And we're not afraid of love, of putting ourselves out there, of saying it out loud. But Bones… She's not like that, Hannah. Everybody who has ever loved her, has left her. I broke my promise by leaving, even if she was also running away. But when I returned… with you, I broke her", he said.

"That's unfair, Seeley. She turned you down. I mean, that would be taking advantage of you. My God, she made me believe she was happy for us. Was she lying?", Booth just shook his head no.

"No, Hannah. She was happy for me. She wanted my happiness. When she turned me down, she told me I needed protecting from her, from the pain she assumed she would cause me when she couldn't give me the things she thought I wanted from her. I just gave up, Hannah. And you might think that this is sort of blackmail, but she's not like that. She was the one that told me to come home, to you. She told me she didn't want her happiness to be based on your pain, that she didn't want me to be confused. Hannah, she's on hospital bed because she tried to take her own life, and she thought of you", Hannah's face lost a bit of the angry edge it had gotten.

"Then I don't get it. She doesn't want to be with you. And you say you love me. What is there to think about? Or… Seeley… Do you love her still?", he closed his eyes, and Hannah just said, "Oh, my God", her eyes filled with tears.

"Hannah… I do love you. But I can't stop loving her. I willed myself to bury this love so deep inside of me I honestly thought it was gone. I thought I only cared for her, that my worry for her was finally something normal, something a friend would feel. But the moment I imagined my world without her in it, knowing she's in pain, it felt… Hannah, you're so important to me…"

"But she means much more than I do, right?", she said, and he shook his head.

"No, it's not that you matter less, it's that… Hannah, despite the fact that people might think we've had a million chances to try, we've never truly had a chance, a real chance, to see if this might work. And I… Hannah… I can't spend my life knowing I didn't at least gave it a shot. I would only give you half of me", seeing Hannah's eyes, he clasped her hand in his, and he said, "You would be the best choice, hands down. You're beautiful, you're amazing, my son likes you… You would never hurt me", he said tearfully,

"But I'm not her", Hannah replied, her tears starting to fall.

"You don't deserve someone who won't give you his entire self. I'm not asking you to wait for me. I'm taking another gamble, the hugest gamble ever. I'm risking it all, Hannah, on something I know might mean my demise if I fail, but… I can't give up on her. I need you to understand something: every single time I told you I love you, every time I made love to you, I meant it. She wasn't on my mind, I didn't wish you were her. I don't want you to go, thinking I lied, because I didn't. But these parts of me, these demons… She knows them, she shares them".

"What made you think I couldn't deal with them? I'm not a little girl. I'm a woman. I've seen many awful things", he nodded.

"Yes, but you had an amazing life. You grew up loved, sheltered. You decided to make your own way, but you had a loving family to come back to. Bones and I… We were broken to begin with, and learning to share the darkest parts of our souls… I've saved her life, but again, she's saved mine too. I've held her when she was at her absolute worst, and she's held me when the weight of the blood on my hands became too much. And I can't help thinking that what I saw in the last 24 hours is partly my fault", seeing her pointed look, he said, "She's not using the guilty card on me, if that's what you're thinking. But I can't deny what seeing her like that made me feel. It's not that I feel responsible, it's… It broke my heart knowing the woman I've loved for so long was so broken, she thought she couldn't even come to me with her pain and gave up on herself, on life. This is not about putting her back together, Hannah. It's about letting her believe she can be loved, that not everybody leaves, that love is not a metaphor or a rush of chemicals to the brain. That it can exist".

"And what about me, Seeley? What about my feelings? I ditched everything for you. I love you. I've given you all that I can, because I trust you. I don't understand why you want to enter a relationship where all you have is pain, when I've felt, in my heart, in my body, you're happy with me. That I make you happy", Hannah said brokenly.

"Because I'm half the man I should be if she's not around Hannah. Because I can't lie to you or to myself anymore. Because for every ounce of pain she's caused me, she's also healed a thousand wounds. Because for every tear she makes me cry, one of her smiles… She's a part of me, Hannah. And I'm a part of her. If it wasn't like that, my leaving her alone wouldn't have hurt her. And while I had the right to move on, I didn't only gave up on her as a woman, I deserted her as her friend. And I need to make that right. And I…", he said sadly, staring into her tear-laden face, "I can't ask you to wait around in case things with her do not work out. You deserve love, Hannah. And while I do love you, right now, she needs me. And God", he groaned, "I need her. I need to know. I need to know if this is worth it. I'm gambling, Hannah, with everything in me. And perhaps all I will have left at the end is pain, but I don't think I want to spend my whole life wondering _`what if´."_, he finished, and Hannah nodded, resignation on her every feature, "I need to feel her love, Hannah. I wished for it so long…"

"Ok", she said, and she stood, "I hope, for you sake, the pain you're causing me is worth it. I don't know how I should be feeling, but I'm glad I finally know the truth", she sniffled, and ran her hand through her nose, "God, something told me I was missing something. I… I should have seen it, I should have… There was something…", she said, "I don't know… so sad, sometimes, in her eyes, when the three of us were together. I thought… Perhaps she was a bit jealous I was stealing her friend away, but I never thought… You should have told me, Seeley. If she was truly as desperate as you say… I can't believe I'm going to say this", she said as she wiped her tears, "But she must truly love you. I only assumed it was because you were her best friend, but… when you asked me to move in, and I talked to her, to ask her what she thought would be the best housewarming gift to you? That phone?", he nodded, "It was her idea. It amazed me how well, how deeply she knew you, and I was jealous of that connection. And she told me…", she scoffed tearfully, "She even warned me not to hurt you, that if I wasn't all in with you, I would break your heart. She had this look in her eyes… I thought she was just looking out for you, but now I get it. I guess… I didn't want to even consider she was a real threat to me, when I was the one taking you from her", she bit her quivering lower lip, "I know you didn't mean to lie to me. But you're right. You buried your love so deep you assumed it had died. But it only grew, you made yourself believe you were over her", she put her fingers against her lips, sighing deeply, "Tell her I'm really sorry. And even if this is killing me, I can only wish you two find your way. I know it won't be easy, and even less now that she's so… But if you love her, and she loves you? It will be ok", his face was damp with his tears.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this. I never meant…", she placed her hand against his lips, and shook her head.

"You can't help hurting me anymore than you can help loving her. Make my pain worthwhile, Seeley. Make this be truly worth it. I want to know, when I'm far away from here, that I'm leaving you for someone who'll fight to give you the happiness you deserve, the happiness I wanted to give you. You're a good man, an amazing man. Tell her that if she doesn't make at least an effort to let go of everything that is holding her back, stopping her from giving herself to you, I'm going to fight her so hard for you, I'll make her head spin", she had meant it to sound like a joke, but they heard the pain in her words, and he just crushed her to his chest.

"Hannah, I also wanted to make you happy. I did. Please, don't doubt I love you", he said against her hair, and she just replied, "But your love for her overcomes everything else. Please, Seeley. If you don't let me go now, I won't have the courage to leave", he pressed a kiss against her temple, and she instantly rushed to the bedroom, her sobs echoing in the hallway.

He didn't dare go in and see her gather the meager contents of her packs. A part of him, the logical, rational side was telling him what a fool he was for letting her go when she was perfect for him.

But the other side of him, the bigger side of him, the side that had silently hoped they would see the light told him that at the end, his efforts would pay.

He just had to cling on to that hope. And believe in her, as much as he knew she had always believed in him.

He was standing by the window when she came out of the room, with everything sorted out in the few packs she carried. "I already called a cab", she began, "I will wait outside", he nodded, "Goodbye, Seeley".

"Goodbye Hannah. I don't know what to say, except…", she shook her head.

"The only thing to be sorry for is a life not lived to its full extent. So, live your life, Special Agent Seeley Booth", she gave him a watery smile, "And don't lose hope. It's your best quality. Give her that, because I'm sure she'll need it", he nodded, and she let her duffel bag down, and approached him, giving him a tender kiss on his cheek, she added, "Don't hold back, Seeley. That's been your mistake, believing that by holding yourself back you're doing her good. Perhaps it's time to let things unleash. Painful restrain is not a quality, it holds you back from truly living. So, finally start listening to your gut and do what you have to do. Don't hurt yourself, and her, anymore, ok? Bye", she said, and quickly taking her things, with a clank that echoed through his apartment, she left the key he had given her only a short time ago on the coffee table before exiting his place.

He rubbed his face, and thought about her words. Maybe she was right. Maybe holding his feelings back had been a colossal mistake. He thought of the countless moments when he had held himself in check, when he felt she was also holding her mouth not to open the can of worms that had brought them here, and he thought of the result, and realized it had only been a waste of time in the face of the pain they were now in.

He still had time to start making amends. And with that thought in mind, he went to his room.

**Hate me a bit less? Hate Hannah a bit less? I thought it would be way OOC if she didn't at least put up A BIT of a fight, but of course, my usual, corny, sappy self can't stand the thought of B&B apart… (sighs)**

**Hadn't I promised?**

**Well, reviews are welcome, received, love them, musie gets happy and writes more… you know what I mean…**


	10. Goodbyes and a plea for help

**As usual, guys, I'M TRULY, HUMBLY AND DEEPLY OVERWHELMED by your reviews… You certainly make me want to write more... To all the reviews/favorites/alerts… Huge thanks from the bottom of my heart…**

**100 reviews! I never thought I'd get here!**

**Well, this chapter is a filler, but I couldn't interrupt what felt natural and rush things… I think it's worth showing the path she has to go through to recovery, and of course, I couldn't forget about the squints…**

**I hope you like this… Last chappie had few reviews, and I understand that perhaps, most of you hated that Booth indeed loves Hannah, even if it's not the same way he loves his Bones… But I truly felt that I couldn't depart so much from canon… I know we all wished he was fooling himself into those feelings, but as I have written it into this fic, I feel Hannah came at a moment in his life when he needed to feel loved, needed, and Hannah gave him all of those things, apart from the fact that she is indeed a beautiful woman, AND a nice person… And Booth has never been mean to any of his past relationships… And I wanted to make it tasteful…**

**Anyway, you can share your thoughts on that point with me… I consider all points of view…**

**Hope you like this…**

Ever since Booth had left, Russ had done his absolute best to keep her mind occupied. They both knew the psychiatrist had allowed for the bending of the hospital rules since she had noticed how Temperance was responding to the loving attention of her brother and friend. Keeping her alone now would only add to the depression that had brought her here in the first place. Of course, she had been adamant that, at the first sign of agitation, they would be banned from her presence until she deemed it right.

She was playing snap with Russ, and actually smiling a bit, relieved that she hadn't lost her brother, and that they had been able to mend things. Suddenly, she remembered when she had played with her father in jail, her eyes clouding in longing as she recalled how hard Booth had pushed her to try and build a relationship with her father, to forgive him and accept the love he wanted to give her. She was glad that she had listened to him, that she had listened to the demands of her heart instead of listening to the cautious warnings of her mind, but at the same time, she couldn't stop the sadness at accepting she would no longer have any more chances to mend the bridges between them, that their time was over.

She sighed deeply, and Russ stopped his motion at seeing her blue eyes darken and get moist. He reached for her hand, and caressed it tenderly. "Tempe, it's ok to miss him. I miss him too", she was glad he understood right away how she was feeling, without asking her question, or dismissing her emotions.

"I know, Russ, but… it seems unfair that right after we actually became a family again, we lost him again", Russ nodded, and sat closer to her.

"By now, we've both learned life isn't fair, Tempe. Far from it. But we have to be glad that at least we could be with him again, all of us, together, as a family", she nodded tearfully.

"Tempe, he loved you with all his heart. When we were on the run, his only concern was you. And actually, his only peace of mind was knowing Booth was taking care of you. It would have killed him to see you like this, because of him. He actually cried when he left you handcuffed to that church bench", their eyes met, and he continued, "His only words were, "_My poor baby girl. What have I done to her?", _a tear slipped down her cheek, and Russ brushed it away, smiling reassuringly, "You're strong, and right now you need to use every single bit of that strength and get better. You have me, but even if I hate to admit it, because my duty as your big brother was looking out for you, what matters now is that you have Booth, he won't leave you".

She bit her lower lip, and replied, "I'm not so sure about that, Russ. He… he needs to sort things out. I don't want to make his life more complicated with the way my life is. I know how hard I've made things for him in the past, and I don't want to be a burden", Russ shook his head.

"Tempe, a man doesn't stay with a woman the way Booth has just because you're his friend. Ever since I first saw you two together, I realized what was going on. And everyone has let you two go get away with it, with the "just partners" crap, but we all know better. Tempe, loving him and letting him love you doesn't make you weak. I hesitated so much in letting Amy in. But she accepted me, with my dark past, with my mistakes, and she loves me anyway. You saw how she stayed with me, even when she could have taken the easy way out, with every reason. I had nothing to offer, and yet she stayed, she supported me through it all. And Booth? He doesn't strike me as the easy-way out kind of man. He's supported you through everything. And he cares, Tempe. He truly cares. It takes being in love to see love in others, and the past days he's been here for you, as only someone who loves you deeply could be. So, for your sake, and his, stop being so afraid to open up to him. It certainly hasn't helped", she sighed deeply.

"You're right, but… I don't mean to make you feel guilty, but it's so difficult for me to open up, Russ. So, so difficult. Ever since Dad, Mom and you left, I associated love with pain, and I guess… I got scared of letting myself feel it, embrace it. But if there's someone I trust with my life, my heart, is Booth. But I can't pressure him. He has to make some choices, and the outcome might not be the best for me, but I can't possibly force him after everything I've put him through. If he wants to be with me, if I'm his final choice, I'll give him my all, but he has to come to me, on his own free will, not because he feels it's his duty as my partner or my friend", Russ nodded.

They were so engrossed in their conversation they hadn't noticed Booth was leaning against the doorframe. He heard every word she said, and he understood the underlying meaning. She thought that since she had caused him so much pain, and driven him away, she had no right to ask him to stay with her. And he also understood her deep fear of their relationship being based on guilt or obligation instead of love, because at the end, if love wasn't their primary reason, everything would fall apart.

He was glad at least that emotionally, she seemed to be clear on what she wanted from them both, from a possible them, that she was willing to work on her fears so they could have a shot at a real future. And now, he was ready to give it to her.

He straightened his body, and entered the room like he hadn't just listened to their emotional exchange and cheerily said, "Hey, Bones. Russ, my man", they clapped hands like longtime buddies, making her smile. "How are you feeling?", he said, his hands rubbing her feet and ankles tenderly as he approached her bed. He hated that she was still so pale, but at least, she had a bit more color compared to the day before.

"Tired", she admitted, "Russ has been keeping me company", Booth smiled to the siblings, and took his appointed seat by her side.

Russ felt a lot calmer knowing his little sister was being taken care of, and said, "Guys, I hate to say this, but Amy called, and she's very worried for Hayley. She caught a very nasty flu, and her fever hasn't broken yet, and it seems she's having a bit of difficulty breathing", Russ said, and Temperance instantly replied.

"Russ, has a doctor checked on her?", Russ nodded, "Amy called Dr. Getz, and he recommended some things to do, mostly taking care of her at home, and some meds, unless her symptoms escalate, but Amy is really nervous, mostly since the last time Hayley felt so sick was back when she had to be hospitalized", Temperance nodded, "And Hayley keeps asking for me. They don't understand why I'm not home, and honestly Amy hasn't had the heart to tell them Grandpa Max is… gone", he lowered his eyes.

"Russ, you should go home. Your family obviously needs you, and I think Amy was right not to tell Hayley. If she's feeling so low, telling her would only make the situation worse. Your girls need you, Russ. I'll be ok", she said, and Russ sighed before making his way to her bed, and hugging her tenderly, kissing the top of her head.

"You take care of yourself, ok?", he said against her hair, "And if anything, anything happens, you call me", she nodded against his chest. He pressed another kiss against her head, and said, "I love you".

"Love you too", she replied, and he squeezed her one last time before setting his eyes on Booth. "Booth, could you come outside for a moment?", Booth nodded, and followed Russ out of the room.

"Booth", Russ began once they were out of earshot, "I don't mean to impose on you, because I know this is not your duty, but I need to know if you're going to be there for her. I can't ask anything more of you, since you were the one that got her to react, but… As strong as she is, she couldn't handle if someone else left her. Better said, she wouldn't stand it if _you _left her, so I need to know, Booth. Are you in? Truly in?"

Booth could see the worry in Russ' eyes, and while he could take offense when he had done nothing but be there for her when it had been her family who had abandoned her time and time again, he understood that Russ' concern was genuine in the face of the past few months, and how they had affected her.

"Russ, I would never desert Bones. I mean, I know lately I haven't been doing a great job out of it, but my main focus is helping her get better, get her back to her old strong, stubborn, infuriating self", they shared a knowing smile, "Rest assured I will be there, for her. And… You can even come and punch me if I don't", Russ' mouth quirked in an amused, yet sad smile, "I'm with bones, Russ. All the way".

Their eyes met, and Russ must have seen something in Booth's eyes, because he just smiled and extended his hand, which Booth took gratefully. They shook hands, "I trust you, Booth. I don't truly know what the deal is or what's going on in your life, but please, don't hurt my little sister. We both know she appears to be strong, but deep inside… Her walls are made out of glass, and one push, she comes tumbling down along with them".

"I know, Russ, better than anyone", Russ nodded, "I will be calling you to know how she's doing".

Booth nodded, "You do that, Russ. She needs to know you're there. You're her family".

"Thanks man. You have no idea what this means to me. I wish I didn't have to go, but it gives me peace knowing it is you who's caring for her". They hugged briefly, and turning on his heels, Russ left Booth standing on the hallway.

After some seconds, he entered, seeing her lying on her side, arms stretched out in front of her, lost in thought. But the moment he started walking towards her bed, she tilted her head a bit, and smiled tiredly at him.

He retook his eat in front of her, instantly rubbing her clammy hands. He hated to feel her skin so cold, but he knew the process of healing would be not only gradual, but painfully slow.

"Are you truly ok, Bones?", they stared into each other's eyes, and she sighed.

"I don't know, Booth. Rationally, I know mourning takes some time, but… I hate feeling this hollow inside my chest. I hate…", she stared into those chocolate eyes so filled with love for her, "I hate that only you make it go away".

He could have taken offense but he understood her fears, and he still hadn't told her about his conversation with Hannah, "Because you feel like your wellbeing depends too much on me being in your life?", she nodded shyly, and in that moment, he brought her hands to her lips, and gently kissed her knuckles, never breaking eye contact.

"Bones, you don't need to fear that. I'm here to stay", she looked at him hesitantly, "I talked to Hannah", she could see the sorrow on his face. While it hurt, she had always known that his feelings for Hannah were deep, and true. She had never fooled herself about the role Hannah had in his life: she had helped him pull through, she had filled his life with life, with light, with love and laughter when she had left him all alone, but it stung knowing that her fear had stole so much time, so many moments from them. She waited for him to continue, seeing how he was trying to choose his words.

"She… At first she was hurt that I hadn't told her, about us. Then, she tried to fight me, not much, but she was hesitant about my decision", he said.

"She doubts I could make you as happy as she's made you. And she knows you love her", he nodded, seeing the sorrow on her face

"But she had to understand that, while I love her, my love for you overpowers any other feeling. Bones, aside from Parker, you're the single most important thing in the world for me. At the end… she took her things and wished me luck, wished _us luck"._

Her lips curved in a little half-smile, but he could see the doubts there. And he could now understand that she didn't doubt him, but herself, "Booth, I can't deny that I share most of her concerns. I don't know if I'll be able to be what you need, if I'll be able to give you the things you want", he shook his head, and brushed his cheek against her knuckles softly, pressing his lips yet again against her silky skin.

"Bones, I don't need you to be more of what you are today. I just need you to trust me, to open yourself to me, to share your fears, your desires, everything and anything with me. I'm not saying you have to tell me everything, because we both know we will need space sometimes to sort our feelings, but for you to confide in me when you feel overwhelmed. I just need your love, Bones", she smiled tearfully at him.

"I do, Booth. I truly do. And while I don't understand most of the emotions running through my system right now… I will trust you with all of them. But I don't want to be a burden, Booth, something you have to carry. I don't want to feel you're doing all the giving and I'm doing all the taking", she said, her eyes sparkling, the blue deeper than he had ever seen it.

"Bones, you might feel that way, but that is not so. You give me so many things. I love your laugh, I love how you never get pop culture things right, I love how you always correct me, how you chide me for being an alpha-male and then let me lead you with my hand at your back", at this, they both smiled, "I love how one look from your eyes, and I feel like I can do anything. I love how when I stare into your face, I imagine our future together", he brushed the tears that had been silently falling down her face, "But I don't want you to think that somehow I want Betty Croker or something like that to fit my picture of happiness".

Her forehead scrunched a bit in confusion, "I don't know what that means", he smiled, and bent to kiss her tension away, his lips brushing softly against her hair.

"What it means is that I don't mean for you to stop being who you are, to change who you are, or to stop doing the things you love because you think that's what it takes for me to be happy. I want your love, your passion… I want to drown in it… I want you screaming at me when I try to open your door, even if it won't change that I will continue to do it. I fell in love with the real you, with who you are, not with who you might turn into. I love you, Temperance. I have loved you for so long I can't think of a time when I didn't", she inched her body closer to his, and understanding her silent plea, he got into bed with her, his strong arms wrapped around her weakened body. She was strong, and she could definitely kick his ass, but it was knowing she was showing him this side of her, letting him see her at her most vulnerable, that touched him deeply.

They breathed deeply, their puffs coming out in perfect synchrony, their eyes closed, chests falling up and down.

"Bones?", she just replied with a sleepy "Hmmh?", he hugged her tighter, "Apart from the fact that you had this week off, no one at the Lab knows you're here", she didn't reply, but her body tightened.

"I know, Booth", she released a tired sigh, "But… Booth, you know how they are. And I… I can't deal with them right now. I mean, I know they're probably concerned about me, but I can't face them. I don't think I would feel right talking to them", she hid her face against his chest.

"Bones", he said, understanding her real fear, "Are you afraid that somehow they're going to think less of you?", she nodded timidly, and he let his hands roam her lithe frame before he replied.

"You shouldn't. They love you, and as your friends, they worry. They care you're feeling like this, and they would want to take care of you. But I understand what you're seeing. They can be a bit… overwhelming and overbearing in their attentions, and right now, you need the quiet, don't you?", he could feel the tension leave her body as she realized he wouldn't force her to face her friends until she was ready.

"But anyway, I should call them. I mean, give them the heads up and ask them to understand why… You know", she nodded, knowing it was unfair of he to keep them out of something as important as what just had happened to her.

"Please, Booth. Tell them I love them, and that I appreciate everything they've done for me, how they're trying to be there for me, but that right now, I need a bit of space. Perhaps if you tell Cam first, she'll be able to get Ange and Jack to stay put. They listen to her", he kissed the top of her head, and stood from the bed, his body instantly urging him to return to the warm cocoon they had created.

"I'll be right back", she nodded, but didn't open her eyes as she felt him leave, hating how cold she already felt without his body to keep her warm, but confident he would return.

He stepped outside, and opened his cell phone. He had a text from Rebecca, saying Parker wanted to go and hug his "Dr. Bones", and about 10 more from Jack, Angela and Cam, worried they had been calling her and not reaching her.

He dialed Cam first, and after just two rings, she picked up. "Seeley, my God, I've been trying to reach you since yesterday. I have been trying to talk to Dr. Brennan, but I can't find her. Please tell me you know where she is".

"I do, Cam", after a pause, he swallowed, "Cam, she's at Bethesda. She tried to… Cam, she tried to slit her wrists", the only reply was a chocked gasp from his friend.

"How's she? Truly?", he expelled some air, "Cam, they have her on suicide watch. She wasn't speaking, or anything, until… I got here. She cried for hours. She's a bit better, but they'll keep her here. The only reason they allowed me to stay is because I was the only one to reach her, to break he out of the daze she was in. Cam, I need you to do something, for Bones. She asked me to tell you this. She trusts you with this".

"Anything, Seeley", Cam replied, not a drop of hesitation in her voice. If Temperance was trusting her with something at this dire time, she wouldn't fail her.

"Cam, Bones is really down. I mean, she told me to tell you she loves you all, but she doesn't feel like meeting you right now, or answering the questions she knows are coming. And she knows that with me being here, you're the only one who'll be able to stop the Hurricane Hodgela", Cam chuckled, but grew instantly serious. She knew the level of trust and devotion the rest of her family had for the anthropologist, and she doubted she would do any good in helping them see reason.

"Seeley, Ange and Jack won't understand. As a doctor, I understand that the protocol for suicide watch is very stern, and the need for solitude she's obviously feeling. But you know they'll be so hurt she's not letting them letting us reach her".

"I know, Cam. I know, but Bones can't deal with how overwhelming things will be if she sees you right now. I can only promise I will slowly try to talk her into it, to ease her fears, but Cam, the psychiatrist was very strict that if something upsets her, we will all be banned from here, and I can't afford to leave her right now. She needs me", Cam heard the edge of despair in his voice, and knew he was downplaying the terror he must have felt when he found out she had tried to take her own life.

"Of course. In fact, it's quite surprising that they're letting you stay with her. What about Russ?", Cam inquired, "We called her place, and no one picked up".

"He had to leave, Cam. Hayley, his little girl, is sick. And he doesn't have the luxury of staying here since he hasn't told her about Grandpa Max. So it all falls to me", he said resolutely.

"And what about Hannah, Seeley?", Cam had to ask. "You can't make promises now and then leave her alone", he smiled at the concern he heard in the pathologist's voice, relieved that after so many things, 2 of the most important women in his life had become friends.

"I know Cam, and… it´s over. Hannah already left my place".

Cam was thankful Booth couldn't see her because she raised her arms to the Heavens, and closing her eyes muttered, "_Thank you, God!"._

"I don't know whether I should be happy or sorry for you", she said cautiously, and Booth smiled to the phone, hearing his friend doubt herself over what her reaction to this news should be.

"Be happy, Cam. This is a good thing. Once Bones is back on her feet… The center will be whole again", Cam couldn't stop her eyes from pooling as she heard the tears in her friend's voice, happy that at last they had found each other, that despite the pain, they were willing to forgive and acknowledge what they had all seen for so long.

"I will promise you I will explain things to our little family so they don't go barging on you. Take care of her, big man", she finished.

"Will do, Cam. Tell them Bones sends her love. You have no idea how much this means to me, to her. Cam, the fact that she's trusting you with this… ", Cam's eyes continued to fill and she vowed to never fail them, "We know you'll do your best. You're a good friend, Camille. Love you. Bye", he flipped his phone shut, and feeling a weight being lifted, he entered the room once again.

Booth's emotional words had shaken Cam, and she was even more resolute into keeping Jack and Angela away from the hospital. She couldn't deny that she was also dying to see the anthropologist, but she also understood what Booth had told her, apart from her own medical knowledge of the situation, and he was right. If they came barging on her, demanding answers, literally smothering her in attentions, she would shut down. And if she got the entire gist of the situation, Seeley had reached her in a way no one else had been able to, not even her own brother. And she wasn't about to risk that. So she determinedly summoned the rest of their little family, and waited in her chair, sighing heavily, praying she would find the right words that would make them understand they had to back off if they truly cared for her at all.

As Booth entered the room, he removed his leather jacket, and sitting briefly on the chair in front of the bed, he also removed his shoes, seeing how she had made room for him, obviously waiting for him to return to her side, smiling as he realized she was halfway on her road to sleep.

He slid into bed, and she wiggled until her back made contact with his chest, his arms instantly going around her waist, his head nestled in the crook of her neck and shoulder, inhaling her sweet scent that not even hospital soap had been able to mask, understanding her need for his closeness and comfort, but above all, for his love.

The steady rise and fall of her chest told him she was finally asleep, and his heart felt about to burst as he noticed that the moment his arms slipped around her, her frown disappeared and a soft smile came to her lips, her breaths coming out more and more evenly.

He had been doing a lousy job, but that wouldn't happen again, he thought, as her scent, her warmth, her softness, surrounded him, and he relented to the heavy pull of the sweet oblivion sleep would bring them both.

**Even if this chappie feels like a filler, please let me know if you liked… I didn't reread too much since I have a ragging headache, but I didn't want to leave you waiting…**

**Next, the squints' reactions to the news, and Cam trying to keep them reigned… **


	11. The road to understanding

**Guys, as usual, I'm more than grateful for the reviews, the alerts… You always make me smile, and want to continue!**

**Sorry it took so long for me to update, but musie had been sleeping due to some difficult times in my life.**

**Along with my stubborn migraines and back pains, one of my favorite aunts was stuck in the UCI for 2 weeks, and she passed away on Saturday. **

**Today musie tried to give you this. I know, I know, it's kind of a filler, but apart from the fact that I felt it was necessary, I sometimes think they underestimate Cam way too much on the show. She's a great character, and I feel they don't take advantage of her the right way, (I mean no offense to the writers! It's just that I love her! Sometimes I think she's the only one who knows how to knock some sense into Booth, and I would love to see her real reaction to Booth being with Hannah on the show…)**

**BTW, is anyone scared by the previews of 6x08? I am! Brennan's face broke my heart!)**

After hanging up with Booth, Cam leaned her head back against her chair, closing her eyes as she waited for Angela and Jack to come to her office. She thought about the right words to say, about the words that would make them understand, but right now, her mind was completely blank. She could only hope that they would get the severity of the situation, and that they wouldn't take it upon themselves to try and help her in the way they thought Temperance needed. Right now, Booth's philosophy was the only way to help her, and that was in short a simple "Do NOT rush her".

"Hey, Cam, you called?", Angela's voice broke through the silence, and she opened her eyes, seeing the forensic artist and her husband wait by her threshold.

"Yeah, I did. Come in, please", they entered. Cam could see the worry they were trying to hide. They were all professionals, and she knew Temperance was counting on them all to keep the lab running while she was away, but the toll the past few days had had on them all was fairly visible on their faces, "Sit", she said, pointing to the chairs in front of her desk.

After they had taken the two sits in front of her, Jack asked, "Ok, Cam, what's with the suspense?", and Cam breathed deeply before replying.

"Before I tell you anything, I need you to promise me something. Promise me you'll wait until I'm done before you run out of here and rush into something, and try and be as understanding as you can be, ok?", she saw the dubious looks on the couple's eyes, but they nodded anyway.

"Guys, Booth called me", she saw Angela's eyes widen as the implications hit them all, "He's with Brennan", she paused.

"My God, Cam, where are they? Tell us already so we can go!", Angela said frantically, and Jack just took her hand and squeezed it, adding his own part, "Yeah, Cam. We've been worried sick about Dr. B, why didn't Booth call Ange?"

"Guys, guys", Cam said, giving them her most stern look, "One answer at a time. Please, listen to me. Booth is with Brennan, at Bethesda"

"Bethesda, Cam?", Angela said, her eyes getting a frightened look seeing the pathologist nod grimly at her question.

"Yes, Ange. Bethesda. Brennan… Guys, Brennan tried to slit her wrists", both Jack and Angela gasped.

"What, Cam? That's not possible. Dr. B… She wouldn't do that!", Jack replied in obvious disbelief, as Angela was too stunned to speak.

"Well, unfortunately, she did, Jack. Booth has been staying with her. Let me explain", she saw the couple in front of her trying to be calm and wait for her explanations.

"Ok. Guys, Dr. Brennan is clinically depressed. She hid it masterfully, from all of us. Max's death was the last straw, and the night after the funeral, she slit her wrists. Booth didn't tell me the details, but right now she's on suicide watch", Angela's eyes were filled with tears, and Cam was surprised to see Jack's were also pooling as well. "I need you to understand something. Suicide watch has very strict protocol. She's under constant surveillance, so that if she feels the urge to try something again, they will stop her, though Booth tells me she's been reacting well after the initial shock".

"Why didn't she call us?", Angela said brokenly, and Jack tenderly brought her against his side, his hand going instantly around her, rubbing her still flat belly softly.

"Ange, she wasn't herself. Booth told me he was the only one to reach her, to make her come back to her senses. She was in complete shock, and not even Russ had been able to get through to her", Cam replied.

"Cam, she must be needing us. We should be with her right now", Jack said, and Cam sighed deeply.

"Guys, I know that we all wish we were there with her, but right now, I don't think it's the best course of action", Angela's head snapped as her eyes shone with fury.

"How can you possibly say that, Cam? You don't really know her! She needs us, she needs me, her best friend!", Cam flinched a bit, but she knew Angela's words weren't said to offend her, they were coming out in concern and love for her fallen friend.

"I know, Angela, and you have every single reason to want to be there, as we ALL do, but right now, it's not what she needs", seeing her ire grow, she raised her hand in the air to halt their protests, and said, "You promised you would hear me out. So please", Angela breathed deeply, and crossed her arms across her chest in a clear defensive gesture, and Jack just settled for rubbing her forearm softly, knowing at least one of them had to be calm enough to listen to Cam. He knew she was the most level-headed of them all, a trait she had proved time and time again as their boss, keeping her cool and rational thinking when the demands of a case got too much and their passions made them lose their focus, she was the one, along with Dr. B, to pull them back together.

"Guys, Dr. Brennan was overwhelmed by everything. And I know it's unbelievable to think someone as strong and logical as Dr. Brennan could have taken such a rash course of action, but she had been down in a way we hadn't noticed, as she hid it like a pro. We had assumed she was disappointed by the change in our dynamics, but I think we all missed the signs. The thing is, right now, she's under heavy protocol. The only person they're allowing to be with her right now is Booth, for the reasons I already told you. And the psychiatrist was adamant that if anything or anyone disturbed her, she would have to spend the rest of her hospital stay, _alone, _something we all know won't be good for her", Angela shook her head.

"Cam, you might be a doctor, and her psychiatrist might think whatever she wants, but she doesn't know us, and what Bren needs right now is her family", Cam nodded, but the couple could see the sadness in their boss' eyes as she had to oppose to their desires, which were also her own.

"Guys, I know, and I would agree with you, wholeheartedly, but I'm telling you this, not only as a doctor, but as a friend. I know, you're right, Angela, I haven't known her as long as you have, but I like to think we've all created a deep bond", Angela lowered her eyes, knowing that in her anger, she had snapped unfairly at her, "Guys, Booth called me, and specifically told me Dr. Brennan had asked me for a very special favor, a favor coming from all of us".

"What is it, Cam? We would do anything for her", Jack said, and Cam sighed deeply, and she swallowed before replying.

"She… she needs us to stay away", Angela gasped, "I know you don't understand. Booth told me she wanted us to know she loves us deeply, but that right now, she needs the quiet. I know what you're thinking, because it was my first reaction too, but we all know we're… a little overwhelming, and whether we like it or not, Booth is the one she needs right now, and he's with her", Cam said.

Angela released a teary scoff, "For how long, Cam? Until Hannah decides it's enough? Until he decides he needs to go back to his life?", Cam shook her head sadly.

"Ange, that's terribly unfair, and you know it. I'm not saying I'm happy he was with Hannah, because, the same way you do, I was hoping for them to get together and put an end to this stupid charade they've been in for the past years, but we can't deny he waited patiently though all of these years. He waited while she and Sully were together, while she practically flaunted her dates in front of him. Guys, every person has a limit, and Booth waited for more than enough. If he left, it was because Dr. Brennan ran from here like the very hounds of Hell were after her, and he couldn't deal with it. Didn't he deserve some happiness as well?", neither Jack or Angela could deny the truth in the statement, though it had stung to hear it.

"Look", Cam started again, "Even I knew he loved her, back when we were together. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but I realized that what Booth and I had was pointless, because his heart was hers for the taking. He tried, guys. He really tried, but there's only so much heartbreak someone can take. How do you think he felt when she left him at his weakest, right after his surgery? I had to stare into those wounded… puppy dog eyes", she said, her mind going back to those grim weeks when he had been trying to find his footing, his heart aching for his friend, for his partner, for the woman he loved, "I had to witness his confusion, I had to see him struggle with everything, and in that process, I had to acknowledge I no longer knew him, because the one who knew who he was, who he is, was the woman who had deserted him. I tried to help him put the pieces of his life back together, but it couldn't compare to what he needed, from what I knew she could give him, and I knew it wasn't me. And even when he was wounded, and sad, there was still hope, but the moment she said she was leaving him, _them_", she said pointedly, "yet again, I saw that hope finally die. You saw it too, that day, at the airport?", they could only nod as they had all witnessed the heartbreak in both their eyes as they held hands and walked away from each other, "And we can't forget we all liked Hannah", Angela lowered her head, knowing she had indeed liked the blonde journalist. Jack couldn't deny it either, the three people admitting she wasn't even at fault for a past she had no insight of. Her only fault was falling in love with someone whose heart had belonged to their friend for longer than any of them could remember.

Something clicked in Angela's mind, and she snapped her head as she realized something Cam had just said, "Wait, you said "was" and "liked"… Cam…", the pathologist smiled sadly at the couple, seeing the hope in Angela's eyes, and nodded.

"Yes, Ange. Booth broke things off with Hannah", a happy, disbelieving smile came to Angela's lips, only reflected in her husband's face.

"Really? He's… He's finally with Bren? Is that why they're letting him stay?", Cam nodded again, "Yes, Angela. I hate that it took for something so awful to happen for things to go like this, but… they're finally together. This hurts, I know, that she's not letting us help, or even be near her, but for her, we have to give her the time and space she's asking of us. Booth… Booth is what she needs to get better, and we all know he won't desert her, he will make sure she's back on her feet. He told me… He promised me he would be easing her into meeting us, but we have to do our share. It's what she's asking of us".

Angela just stared at Cam, her shoulders falling, "I can't believe Bren doesn't want to see us", she said brokenly, and leaned her head against Jack's shoulder, who just continued to rub her skin soothingly.

"Ange… I'm no psychiatrist, but what you need, what we all need to understand is that she must be in shock still. When someone as strong as Dr. Brennan realizes she has lost her drive to fight, that in itself is more than overwhelming, and while it's irrational, she needs time and space to accept, to believe in her mind we won't think less of her", Cam stated, and Jack replied,

"But Cam, she knows us. She knows we love her, and our only intent is looking out for her", Cam stared into the icy blue eyes of the entomologist, "Yes, Jack, I know, we all know, but her mental state right now is not letting her see that. One of the issues people who have tried to… commit suicide is is the idea of their loved ones looking down on them, thinking less of them as they realize their weakness, something even more prominent in someone as independent and strong as Brennan. As painful as this is, Booth is the only one who can make her see our opinion of her is not changed, that we love her still, and now even more when we know she needs us badly".

"I know what you mean, and you're right", Angela replied, "Bren… Bren has always been too self-conscious for her own good. Perhaps her time in the foster system… I don't know", she said, running a hand through her curls, "But she's always had this irrational fear of appearing weak in front of others, that's… another part of her walls, and I have always felt that is why she's been so reluctant to accept love for what it truly is", the three people knew that what Angela was saying was completely right, "Anyway", she said tearfully, "Even if this is the single most painful thing she's gone through… it brought them together", she smiled sadly, and Jack nodded.

"I hate that it took near death for them to realize the truth of their feelings, but at least, it served the greater good. But I have to say Cam, Booth deserts her… I have people", Jack said menacingly, and Cam chuckled a bit.

"Don't worry. He said we had carte blanche to hit him in his very hard head if he screws this up", even amidst the pain, they were able to laugh at Jack's statement.

"So… what do we do now?", Ange asked.

"We wait. We keep this lab running, as she would have wanted us to. We give her the time and space she's asking of us, and when she's ready to see us, we just go to her, tell her we adore her, we tell her she continues to be the best forensic anthropologist and person in our eyes, and we help her heal. I know the waiting will be hard, but for her, we have to", Jack and Angela nodded sadly, and Jack helped his wife stand.

When they were on the threshold, Angela turned and said, "Cam… thanks for…thanks for making us see that this is what Bren needs… You're a good friend", Cam smiled, and when they were out, she just took her cell and texted Booth, not wanting to disrupt him, but needing to ease them both.

Inside the room, Booth was practically asleep when he felt the vibrations of his cell phone in the table next to her bed, and he just extended one of his arms behind him to grab it, a grateful smile coming to his lips when he read the text from his longtime friend.

_Mission accomplished. Make me proud, Seeley. Camille_

**Hope you liked and that it somehow it eased the pain of the long absence…**

**Please, lemme know what you thought… **


	12. Admitting our shortcomings

**I have to start by thanking you all for your patience, for all of the reviews, alerts… **

**I have to say that it always made me smile, as these sad days have passed. Difficult times, helping my family grieve for my aunt's death, and I can't be more thankful for the kind words some of you gave me. That being said, and the certification exam I had the past weekend, meaning I had to devote all of my time to studying, really left no time for me to write a good chappie.**

**Besides, I didn't want to riddle you with my angst. I promised the angst was over, and even if the subject itself its angsty, B&B are finally together, for the ride, until the end.**

**I hope I made this worth reading, and I will as always, wait for your input, my dears.**

She didn't know how much time had passed from the moment she had let sleep take her, the only thing her mind registered was the sense of safety and warmth that enveloped her, a feeling that had become so foreign to her life ever since she let him walk away that she still found herself disbelieving that it was real. But the warm body that was snuggling hers, the protective/possessive grip of the arm that was wrapped around her waist from behind told her it was no lie. She closed her eyes, and basked in the sensation. She had never been able to understand how a single touch from him could feel more intimate than her most passionate affairs of the past, and even if she still felt that nagging pressure inside her chest, as the hours passed and it was only the two of them, like it used to be, she could feel tiny pieces of her heart coming together, like mercury balls searching for each other on the floor after a thermometer was broken. And it was uncanny how the metaphor very much reflected how she was right now. The outside was shattered into tiny pieces, but her core was being put back together. She was afraid of how great an influence he was in her life, how a single word from him, how a simple gesture could make her regain the hope she had lost, and thinking back of the past months, she knew the smart thing would be to work at lightning speed to rebuild her walls, but she was too weak to do that. Her walls had only kept the people she loved outside her life, and she was now paying the price. She had no one to blame but herself.

His strong arms holding her so tightly gave her the strength she needed to let her mind wander to the past, without the fear that had lead her to this place. She swallowed as she remembered her father's pleas for forgiveness, how time and time again he had begged her to trust him again with her love, and how wary she had been off him. She could only been thankful that after his trial, they had shared important moments together, and that he had never given up on her. She recalled how he had risked his freedom, yet again, if that meant keeping her safe, when he had tried to eliminate the threat Heather Taffet possessed, and she was even more thankful that Booth had not only read his intentions, but prevented him from doing something that would have undoubtedly separated them again. Then, her mind want back to her childhood, when in her world, there was no one braver than her father, her knight in shining armor. Her heart tugged when she recalled that one of the reasons Booth´s relationship with Hannah had hurt so badly was that she missed the safety his embrace provided, only parallel to the one she had found in Max´s arms as a small child. And she knew why Max had asked her, time and time again, not to give up on love, and somehow always pushed her to Booth, because she knew that even if he was a criminal, he saw much of himself in the FBI agent, the possessiveness, the fierceness in protecting their loved ones by any means necessary. Her mouth turned into a little smile when she remembered how Booth had practically defended Max, calling him "honorable" even when he was after him, saying how much he understood his drive to resort to any measure imaginable when the safety of his family was at risk, and in those few seconds, as they stood in her office, she could see something that she now understand meant he would do the same for her if someone ever threatened her, or Parker.

He groaned a bit, and sprawled his hand over her stomach, keeping her in place when she wiggled a bit, and she smiled. She had slept soundly, lulled by the sound of his heartbeat and his smell. She knew she could explain all of her reactions by brain chemistry, but she wouldn´t. As Angela would say, the only thing she should be concerned about was fighting so this feeling remained, because you never knew what life would throw at you.

She opened her eyes a bit, and noticed it was almost night time, the afternoon filled with the dusky oranges of impending nightfall, and she just stared until she felt a soft kiss being pressed against her neck.

"Slept well?", his voice was thick and heavy with sleep, and his hands were steadily moving her, so that there wasn't a single inch between them .

She nodded tiredly, and let her fingers dance over his hands, her fingertips memorizing each vein, each corded muscle, and she marveled yet again at how such strong, lethal tools could also be capable of so much gentleness. "I did, thank you".

He pressed another kiss, enjoying the satiny feel of her sleep-warmed skin, and her smell. Not even hospital soap had masked her true scent, the scent that had always compelled him to stand a little closer to her side, to hug her a little tighter when the situation called for it.

Booth closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her hands on his, softly caressing him, a touch filled with adoration.

They were lost in their little world, as usual whenever they were together, when someone cleared his throat and they were startled as they saw the figure of one Lance Sweets, looking at them sadly as he stood against the doorframe.

"Sweets", Booth said, and he felt bad that he hadn´t called him, but he guessed who had given him the heads-up. "Cam called you?", the doctor nodded, but didn't move from his place, waiting for them, but particularly, from _her, _to give him permission to enter.

He had been staring at them for a few minutes, and his heart had burst with happiness as he saw how peaceful they finally were together, a contrast to their usual stance around each other ever since their return.

No one had really understood his reasons for quitting the FBI when they all left, but the truth was that, apart from the fact that Daisy's departure had left him heartsore, he was beating himself up, because he knew somehow he had a great deal to do in how the events between the partners had unfolded.

He had realized, after his first session with the partners after that fateful night when he had pressured Booth into "breaking the stalemate", that something had shifted, and not for the better. There was a tension between them he had never felt in their previous meetings. Of course, most of the times when he had had a session with them the air was so thick when they left the only thing he desired was to make love to his Daisy, and thank whatever deity was out there for the chance he had of having someone love him, and being able to love them back, but that new tension was not their usual unresolved issues and stubbornness; there had been an aura of despair, a desire to break free from each other, like they could no longer breathe the same air, and he just _knew _something had gone terribly wrong. Brennan's assertive personality was nowhere to be found as her eyes always avoided Booth's and didn't retort to some of his comments, as he would have expected her to, and Booth's cocky posture was now similar to a deflated balloon, the anger he had always sensed in the agent now replaced by an aura of defeat.

He saw them, he saw how, even if something was wrong, they were still clinging to each other, particularly, when Taffet's trail took place. There was a single second, when Angela and Hodgins blurted out that they had gotten married, when he thought he saw raw pain in the agent's eyes, and complete regret in the scientist's, and he wanted nothing more than to have kept his mouth to himself, because he could just feel something monumental was about to happen, and that something indeed monumental had happened between them, making them lose their footing.

He couldn't have been sadder to be right when they announced they were going to complete opposites of the world, and he had, for the first time, swallowed his concern and only lent them his ear when they felt like expressing their fears and expectations for the new road they would be embarking on.

So, as a way to punish himself, he had quit the work he had loved the most to pursue his second love, only hoping the months away from each other would make them see what everyone had seen for years. Their love.

But when Cam's distressful situation called them all to their rightful posts, he could only see a new light in his eyes, and the light in hers going out, like a candle fighting hard not to be put out in a blistering wind. When Booth cheerfully told him of his new love, and professed to have moved on, and even advised him to do the same regarding Daisy, he started paying even more attention to the anthropologist, and his heart broke when he saw how bravely she was trying to hold on, how hard she was trying to put on a happy face for her team, _for him, _but the sadness couldn't be denied, and he marveled at Booth's obliviousness to his partner's pain, when he had always been the one to comfort her. He had read under Booth's joy and cheerfulness, and he was never more thankful of his years as a profiler as he noticed what he was doing was only desperately trying to convince himself that he could move on from the love that had been the sole aim of his life for the past 5 years. He couldn't blame Booth, Hannah was beautiful, funny, smart in her field, brave and not shy about showing her love and passion for Booth, something he had badly needed, but not from her, but from the woman he had left behind.

He had hoped he could do something to undo his mistake, but the last drop came with Max Keenan's death, and again, he couldn't be sorrier to be right. As he saw her at the funeral and at the cemetery, a chill had literally ran through his bones when he saw the complete hopelessness etched in the beautiful blue eyes of the anthropologist, and he had hoped she wouldn't take the pathway that he was seeing she was being led to.

So, when Cam had called him, he had been stunned, but not really shocked, because it had been coming from a mile away, and he could only grieve that no one had seen it, that no one had seen past her mask and into the cry for help she was screaming from the top of her lungs, with no one to hear. He couldn't blame the squints, because, in truth, the only one who had understood her to the core was Booth, and he had been the one to desert her. But they were all also to blame, since they were so wrapped in their new lives and projects, they had stopped paying attention, and he could only expect the several calls he would receive for advice in the following days.

Cam had explained everything, just as Booth had told him, and his observations helped him fill in the blanks, and his only thought was getting to the hospital. He searched for the psych ward, and after a few minutes of inquiring for her clinical condition, he went to find the psychiatrist in help of her care. They had talked for more than an hour, sharing insights on their patient, and incredibly, the psychiatrist had agreed to him to visit, acknowledging that he had been working with the couple for so many years.

It was how he now found himself waiting for them to let them in, and he vowed to himself he would never be as foolish. In the year they had all been apart, he had considered that perhaps Booth's teasing was not so wrong when he called him a 12-year old, because he felt like a novice. He should have known better. Booth had told him that once, when Max's trial came, that she couldn't be rushed, but he had to accept he had pushed so hard in the area where it hurt the most, where he just knew he would get a reaction.

And what a reaction it had been.

"Dr. Brennan, may I come in?", she nodded, and both people resting on the bed started straightening up, Booth helping her prop her back against the pillows, and he noticed her hand clasping his when he was about to move away. Sweets saw Booth again settle behind her, and shift her until her back was partially against his chest, mirroring their earlier position as they were lying horizontally.

"I don't meant to sound callous, but… how are you feeling?", he asked, and after a few seconds, she replied.

"Exhausted", she smiled sadly, "But better than I did before", and Sweets couldn't deny that it was most likely because of the man holding her so tightly against his bulky frame that she indeed was better.

His heart tugged painfully when he saw her bandaged wrists, and her beautiful face filled with lines of exhaustion and dark circles under the blue orbs.

"You have no idea how sorry I am", he said, and they both could see it wasn't just a pleasantry. For all of their teasing, they had grown a soft spot for their "baby duck", and though they had both been angry at him, they couldn't blame him for trying to break a cycle that had been holding them back from their real emotions.

"I know you are, Sweets", she replied, "How…", she seemed unsure, but she truly needed to know, "How did they take… this?", they both knew he should be already into what was going on in the lab with the news.

"They are very much concerned for you, very sad", he saw her eyes well at that statement, "Worried sick, but hopeful you'll pull through, as you always have".

"I…", she rasped out, "I don't know if I can".

Sweets nodded in understanding, "It's only natural that you're doubting yourself right now, these… events shake the strongest of people, but I know you, Dr. Brennan, and there is no doubt in my mind you'll find the strength you need within yourself to stand again", she bit her lower lip, but offered him a teary smile.

Booth, who had been listening to their exchange, reading for any signs of distress on her behalf to intervene, could only be thankful she was being so open, "Sweets", he asked, "How did you get in here? They have very strict protocol", Booth stared into his eyes as he waited for his answer, "And it's not even visiting hours".

"I talked to the psychiatrist in charge of Dr. Brennan's case, and we shared some insights, and she was kind enough to let me visit, considering I've been sort of treating you for years", Booth couldn't fight the snort that burst from his lips.

"Sort of?", Booth teased, and even Brennan smiled, seeing Sweets' lips curve into a shy smile, "Sort of", he replied, "whenever you let me, though I have to admit… I haven't doing a great job lately, haven't I?", Brennan smiled indulgently at the young man, her own heart tugging at seeing him so lost, indeed like a baby duck searching for the comfort of his mother's wings.

"I know you've always meant well, most of the times anyway", she replied, the both of them not needing to say out loud what she was referring to: his hiding of Booth's undercover mission that led them all to think he was truly dead for two weeks.

"Can I… Can I speak freely?", the couple looked into each other's eyes, and nodded.

Sweets sighed deeply, and closed his eyes for a second before he started, "You fascinated me from day one. You defied, and still defy, what a partnership should be. Being so polar opposites, the bond between you was nothing short of awe-inspiring", they both blushed at his heartfelt words, "it was not friendship, because you had other friends, it wasn't work, because your lives outside of it were so entwined we couldn't even tell them apart. We couldn't think of one of you without the other. I never truly asked for your forgiveness for hiding the fact that Agent Booth was alive, and I will never regret it enough… but it's just that… Lemme explain", they waited indulgently for him to continue, "You are just like my parents. Even in their old age, they bickered over the smallest things, but there was still so much passion, so much love… The way you are together is just like theirs, and I just… I just wanted you both to experience the level of happiness I witnessed until they were gone. I see you, Dr. Brennan", he focused his eyes on her, "So rational, and still capable of so much love and understanding, just like my mom. And I see you, Agent Booth", he stared into Booth's eyes, "With your undying devotion and care, even if you could kill anyone who comes close in a second, and that is just like my dad… She died first, and he followed just 2 months after. Doctors told me it was his failing heart, but I know it was because he couldn't face live without his mate. From the day she died, the only thing he did was either talk to me, or stare into their wedding photo, rubbing his thumbs over her face, like he could… bring her to life", his eyes were filled with tears at this point, "I pushed you to change things because I felt it, here", he pressed a fist against his chest, "That you couldn't find anyone who would love you the way you love each other. So I pushed you into changing things, but believe me, I was never sorrier to see the outcome", he lowered his eyes.

They could feel his sincerity, and surprising them all, it was her who replied, "Sweets", he raised red-rimmed eyes to them, "I might have expressed many times that I thought psychology was not to be trusted, but you were right into many, or should I saw, practically all the things you thought about us. Yes, I couldn't open my heart because my parents leaving me scarred me more than I was willing to admit. I indulged in the sensations of my body when I was involved in a relationship, but I never opened to the heart most of the men I was with tried to give me. I was protecting myself, and Booth…", she felt his tender squeeze, "I knew he had the ability of both raising me up beyond my walls, but I also knew he could destroy me just as easily", he lowered his head against her shoulder, hiding his welling eyes from them, "I had never been able to trust, because when I was a child, I trusted my family implicitly and completely, and they deserted me. But Booth… He changed me, and I didn't want to accept I was ready to love, for _his love", _she leaned against him, feeling a drop of moisture coating her skin, "He asked me that night, you know?", she realized Sweets' eyes widening at the revelation, since they hadn't disclosed the events of that particular night, "He did. He gambled, as you told him, but I didn't let him win. I was petrified, and I… I never thought I could be the woman he needed or deserved. I know Booth's views on love and family. He's loyal, he commits with everything he has, I've seen it, and I… I didn't know if I was capable of giving him that, of making him happy, but my fear… destroyed us both. It tore me apart to see him with Hannah, but", she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling, "I only wanted the best for him, and if he felt she was, I wasn't going to stand in his way".

Her eyes were pooling with tears, and she felt Booth's hand tilt her chin until their eyes met, her heart beating hard against her ribcage when she noticed his were as filled with his own tears as hers, "That's the part you've never understood, Temperance. You've always been the best for me, I know I was wrong that night, I know that in my own hurt at your rejection, I failed to tell you I didn't want you to change. How could I?", he said, caressing her soft skin, "When you are the best thing to happen to me? And I wouldn't trade a single day fighting with you over making love with someone else. You've always been it. And I'm still that guy, Bones. I knew. I still know".

Booth was awed at the love radiating from them, and he would have jumped in sheer joy if they weren't looking so sad. "Dr. Brennan. Agent Booth. I only hope you can forgive me. And I promise you both, if you decide to enter a relationship and let the FBI know, I will fight them tooth and nail. I won't let them separate you. From the day you were both back, things weren't the same, because you weren't… well… _you", _he said, sheepishly, eliciting a soft smile from the partners, "But I can now see you have everything before you. My only advise, both as your shrink and a friend, is that you take baby steps. I mean, you've finally accepted the depth of your feelings, but it's only natural that you, Dr. Brennan, are overwhelmed", she nodded, knowing he was right, "The shift in the only thing that made you feel safe, your relationship with Agent Booth and losing Max… ", she lowered her eyes, and let booth hug her ever tighter. Sweets thought that even tighter, and their skins would fuse together, "We'll miss him, for all of his faults, he was a good man".

"I know", she said sadly, amazed at how many people had disregarded his criminal past and taken him in as they realized he was truly trying to make amends, for his family.

"It's an amazing thing, realizing how love can lead us to the edge, isn't it?, she smiled tenderly at the psychologist, before tilting her body again and brushing her elegant fingers against Booth's face, making him close his eyes.

"It is. Scary, but amazing nonetheless. Thank you, Sweets", she said, turning her eyes again on the young shrink, "I know we never made things easy on you", he shrugged his shoulders, "And you don't know how much it means to me, to us, that you want to help. I… I've accepted that I can't deal with the burden of… everything on my own, and I would be… glad if you wanted to be there… for the ride", she said.

Sweets' face beamed with a smile, "Of course. No need to ask me. I already spoke to your doctor, and she recommended that we continue your medication. When she considers you're able to face the workload, I will also conduct my own evaluation", she frowned a bit, "I'm sure she has already mentioned that right now, you shouldn't try and suppress your emotions with work, as you've always done", she had to accept he was telling the truth, releasing a tired sigh. "Dr. Brennan, besides, you have to consider something. You're going to start antidepressants, and we don't even know how your body will react to those, both emotionally and physically. Remember that on the field, partners, as Agent Booth has always said, have each other's back, and a moment's hesitation could cost either one of you your lives", Booth pursed his lips, but he could only agree with him. "I'm not telling you you'll be on antidepressants for the rest of your life, but it is a long road you have ahead of you, and much of the success you will reach depends on how willing you are to open to your emotions, understanding them, embracing them, and dealing with them. No one, and I need you to realize this, because this came directly from your little family at the Jeffersonian, is thinking less of you", her eyes pooled with new tears, "Their only concern is seeing their friend and leader back on her feet, and even stronger than before, but please, take Agent Booth's advice and ., ok?", she nodded, "Wounds take a long time to heal, and I know how, on top of it all, it feels to lose a parent. I don't think Max would agree to this, don't you?", she nodded again, a small smile on her lips.

"Well, I was only allowed a little time. Again, if you want me to help you during your sessions, I would give you all the time you need, ok? Let Agent Booth help", Cam had also told him of his and Hannah's relationship failing, and he was concerned, but seeing Booth' shimmering eyes, he didn't even pay the fact a second thought, because he knew finally the FBI was where he was supposed to.

He waved and turned on his heels, but her voice stopped him, "Sweets?", he turned again, and faced them, "I would appreciate it. I'll have Booth text you when I start having outpatient treatment. You… you know us both better than anyone, and I… Even if you've made mistakes, you've always had the best of intentions, so I would appreciate it. A lot. You could… help me understand many things", Sweets grinned gratefully.

"I will be there to hold your metaphorical hand, Dr. Brennan, since I know Booth here will surely hold your literal hand, along with other things", he teased a bit, and grinned even more as they both blushed a bit, happy the atmosphere had lightened somehow after his little joke, "Have a good night, you two", he said, and finally left.

She let her head fall back against his shoulder, and she felt his arms reach higher, resting on her ribs, letting him feel every muscle, from shoulder to foot, and she in turn tilted her head to press a tender kiss against his neck. They needed no more words. They had been falling, but holding each other's hand, hitting the ground didn't seem so bad.

**As I said at the beginning, I hope this is worth every single second of your time. Tell me if you found anything I could improve. I feel Sweets character is being wasted on this season, he's funny and his interactions with B&B are always amusing. His youthful demeanor mixes with the seriousness JFD knows how to give his character, and I feel many of the viewers are angry at him for pushing Booth. I wasn't really, but this is what I think he could be feeling towards the situation.**

**Musie will be anxiously awaiting.**

**xOXOXOXOXO**


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